~ Secrets

43 6 2

by LollipopHQ

by LollipopHQ

Reviewer: BloodyTurtle

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Secrets

By CosmykDragon

"I turned to look all around me as I finished singing. The ghosts around me started to smile. And after that, I too, slowly began to smile. Then, they attacked."

Harley Parker lives a life unlike any other. She can see the ghosts, shades, and wraiths that haunt this world. When she receives a mysterious letter from a notorious ghost, she must uncover the clues. Along with a shade, she must find out what has been hidden from the world. But with Death lurking around every corner, can she uncover the mystery?

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Cover/Blurb/Title

Cover • I really like the cover. I can easily read everything and the image works well. I wouldn't change anything about it.

Blurb • The blurb itself is simple and sweet (which is good for a blurb). The quote used is appropriate, too. However, I don't think you should have the awards as the first thing you see when picking up the book. Put them below the blurb and quote. I recommend you make the quote the first thing seen, so make it at the top.

Title • It's a bit simplistic. I don't recommend one-word titles, as many people choose this route. I believe titles need at least two, but that may just be me. One word titles are bland. Maybe add an adjective so it's "(adjective) secrets" or something similar to that.

Descriptions

This story has great descriptions. I could vividly visualize everything. However, I felt like I couldn't see the characters very well, nor did I see much body language. But the characters didn't speak much, so lack of body language makes sense.

Characters

From the first few chapters, I didn't have too strong of a feel for any of the characters. I could feel bravery in the main character, but that's about it. I couldn't accurately imagine them. This opinion may be because they didn't speak much in the first few chapters.

Plot/General Writing

The plot was interesting. But I've heard multiple stories of people being able to see something out of their world that no one else can. It's not especially new. However, this may change into its own original way of doing this. It's a basic idea, but can be used creatively. The plot felt a little fast paced, so maybe slow it down a little. I barely got insight of her average life before she was sent to the cave filled with riches.

Grammar

The grammar was really good in this story. I saw a few mistakes here and there, but nothing major. Also, I saw that the tense was messed up a few times, so go over and make sure the whole thing is in either past or present.

Reader Engagement

Now, this was very good. As soon as I stared reading, I was interesting. The way you write fills the reader with the desire to read on and uncover everything.

Overall

4.5 stars out of 5

This story is very good. I'd work on the characters and the few grammar mistakes, then it'll be greater than it already is. Maybe select a new title, but you don't need to. The engagement is amazing, so I hope you continue hooking readers as they read on. I recommend this to those looking for a fantasy taking place in our realm.

Good luck, lollipop!