~Scripted

34 5 7

by LollipopHQ

by LollipopHQ

Reviewer: BloodyTurtle

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SCRIPTED

By @HumptyHotPotpotz

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Cover/Blurb/Title

Cover • The cover is really nice. The design and picture look good, and I can read everything. However, the author name is nowhere to be seen. I recommend you add the author name, as a typical book will have it on the front.

Blurb • The blurb sounds good. It doesn't reveal too much, and it gives a good idea about the story. However, I noticed one sentence in the first paragraph sounded a little awkward. I recommend you read it over and have someone else read it over to make sure it flows well.

Title • The title fits the story well, but it's a little overused. As most one word titles, it comes up in multiple stories. I recommend you change it slightly. I know the title is highly important to this story, so maybe add some details around it.

Descriptions

The descriptions were very nice. I could picture the scenery and actions well. The words used to describe were nice sounding, and I didn't have much of a problem. The only slight problem was the lack of color since the main character can't see it, but that's not a big deal considering the situation.

Characters

The character descriptions were a little lacking. I feel like you could've explained appearances more, as the readers got barely anything. Yeah, the main character is blind, but it's hard to visualize without character design. Yet again, I guess he can't visualize either... Also, I disliked the names Noise and Voice. I've always disliked word names, and many see them as a turn off. Maybe use the Latin form for the names. The characters overall were nice. I could tell the personalities of them, so that's good.

Plot/General Writing

The plot didn't move to fast or slow. The words used were well, and the vocabulary was nice. The writing is a little awkward in scarce places, so maybe have someone read it over to make sure it flows. The plot was interesting, and it's not cliche or bland, so that's a relief. It's a good plot, and I don't need to complain about it.

Grammar

The grammar was relatively well during the whole thing. But I picked out at least five mistakes in each chapter. They were small, and you just need someone to pick them out while reading it over. There was one big mistake. You don't add commas, instead adding periods, after dialogue when a dialogue tag is next. I had the same mistake in my own writing for a while, so I see why you didn't know this rule.

Reader Engagement

The story kept me engaged. At the ends of each, it was in a way that made you want to read on to the next chapter. I feel like it could be a little more engaging, though, as it didn't hook me greatly in the beginnings or middles.

Overall

The story is good, and it definitely has a good possibility of becoming popular. Just go over what I mentioned, and you should be fine. You mainly just need to peer edit. I recommend this to anyone looking for a creative fantasy.

4 stars out of 5

Good luck, lollipop!