Jamilton oneshots

Soap

Warnings: cussing, self harm

Thomas POV
Think I just remembered something
I was 13 years old when i picked the habit, that day had been my first day of middle school.
I think I left the faucet running
Now my words are filling up the tub
I had to introduce myself and i talked until the teacher told me to shut up. Literally.
Darling, you're just soaking in it
But I know you'll get out the minute
You notice all your fingers pruning up
When i got to my house i took a long relaxing shower and since then when i had a bad day i filled the tub with hot water and stayed there for hours.
I'm tired of being careful, tiptoe,
The day i came out of the closet my dad was very clear at letting me know next day morning i had to be out of the house so i  packed my stuff and left the house yelling at my dad to go fuck himself, when i got to the hotel i took a long nice bath
trying to keep the water warm
Let me under your skin
Then i Met HIM
Uh-oh, there it goes, I said too much, it overflowed
Why do I always spill?
HE...shined. We had fights but somehow we managed to get along as friends... Until my damn mouth couldn't keep itself closed
I feel it coming out my throat
Guess I better wash my mouth out with soap
When ever we saw each other friendship became liking him and liking him became loving him.
God, I wish I never spoke
Every day i wanted more, i wanted to tell him how i felt
Now I gotta wash my mouth out with soap
And i did

Think I got myself in trouble

he looked disgusted,confused,scared... so i ran

So I fill the bath with bubbles

what was i thinking ? my friends hated me, my dad hated me ,my mother and siblings didn't give a shit about me... why would he want me?
Then I'll put the towels all away
somehow my feet had carried me to the bathroom, I filled the tub
Should've never said the word "love"
Threw a toaster in the bathtub
I'm sick of all the games I have to play
He didn't love me, i was alone so i could just end it all. No one would care.
I'm tired of being careful, tiptoe, trying to keep the water warm
Let me under your skin
I grabbed a knife from the kitchen and started cutting along my arms.
Uh-oh, there it goes, I said too much, it overflowed
I cried out in pain, suddenly i Heard the door opening "Thomas?" Alexander said
SHIT i left the door unlocked a whimper escaped from my lips
Why do I always spill?
"THOMAS!!!"
Why is he still here?
I feel it coming out my throat
Guess I better wash my mouth out with soap
God, I wish I never spoke
Now I gotta wash my mouth out with soap
His steps grew closer and faster.
"THOMAS!!!"he called out
I feel it coming out my throat
Guess I better wash my mouth out with soap
I Heard him open the door, gasp, and call someone.Then it all went black.
God, I wish I never spoke
Now I gotta wash my mouth out with soap feel it coming out my throat

I slowly open my eyes Alex is next to me, crying...holding my hand
¨Alex?¨ his eyes shot up ¨where are we?¨

Guess I better wash my mouth out with soap

¨Tommy... we're at the hospital, why'd you do that? why'd you try and k-kill your-yourself?¨

¨no one loves me: my family hates me, my friends left me, you...you don't love me¨

tears start falling down my face

God, I wish I never spoke
Now I gotta wash my mouth out with soap feel it coming out my throat

¨oh but i do love you Thomas¨

Guess I better wash my mouth out with soap
God, I wish I never spoke
Now I gotta wash my mouth out with soap

and just like that our mouths are latched together in a sweet longing kiss, we slowly break apart and he repeats ¨i do love you Thomas Jefferson ¨

¨i love you too Alexander¨

AN: if you're facing depression, anxiety or just troubles please don't kill yourself or hurt yourself there is someone who cares about you out there, you are not alone, you are beautiful, loved and you deserve to live and enjoy life. Please take care of yourselves.

thank you for reading ❤️

word count: 783 words