We all want it.
To be in control is to be happy, right?
God, I want to be happy.
If we could control everything, then we'd have it all. We wouldn't worry about what happens next or what others will do because, we've already decided what happens.
It's too bad I can't control everything, or anything really. I can't control how I feel, or what I think, or what others think of me, and it's frightening.
I can't control those nights when I just feel so, so heavy that I can only cry to release some weight.
Or those days when I feel light, like I'm floating.
We all want it, but why do we?
If we all controlled every single aspect of our life, then there would be no surprises, no new people to meet, no genuine happiness because forced love is no love at all.
And besides, is there a difference between control and power? I don't think so, and all those people who crave power- it consumed them.
If I'm a dictator in order to better my own life, is it really any better?
So, I've come to embrace my chaos. Though, at times I still reach out for control. Sometimes the chaos is too much.
But absolute control corrupts absolutely, so one way or another, it's all chaos in the end.
