Im not even sure I know what true confidence is.
Sure, I could think I look alright one day, but I'm certainly not pretty.
My body doesn't curve in the way that I wish it would. It swells on my belly and sides, yet everything else seems to be missing- everything good.
I don't wear tight shirts, tank tops, and I scarcely wear dresses.
But mostly, I'm insecure about me.
I know that I'm annoying, it's not hard to see the subtle looks people cast- if they even talk to me at all.
In fact, I've been told these things to my face.
And I know that I must be a horrible friend, a burden since everyone has to pitch in to pay for me;
Knowing that I can't pay back.
I know I can be insensitive, or childish or just plan ridiculous.
I know.
Something that really makes my anxiety prod my insecurities is the silent treatment.
I'd rather you tell me that I did to irritate or annoy you than you just ignore me.
I'd rather try and talk it out, to get the chance to apologize.
Because the silence just seems to egg my mind back, searching through every event to figure out what exactly it was that I did.
I can't stop wondering what I did wrong.
What I'm doing wrong.
