The Painter's Amour

His Regret

Chapter 25: His Regret

“A person doesn’t know true hurt and suffering until they’ve felt the pain of falling in love with someone whose affection lies elsewhere.” – Rose Gordon

Dante Scarfone

Beautiful orchestral music was playing in the background while colorful gowns worn by women were swirling around the ballroom, and hundreds of feet were moving along the harmony of the song – gentlemen dancing with their beloved partners conquered the entire space – and of course, I was envious of them.

I simply observed and envied them among the audience.

“What are you doing here, dear? I thought you wanted to talk to Julian?” my mother appeared beside me after she finished preparing the dinner food for our guests.

I shook my head. “I did but I never got the chance to. He is no longer in love with me but even if he still does, in the end he chose to be with him, he chose to love only Lucas and no one else... not even me.” I mouthed in pure grief.

In the middle of the ballroom; stood Julian and his new lover clinging together in an embrace again, and both dancing romantically that it crushed my already beaten heart to bits.

I simply watched him being taken away from me.

People around the two sent them an unpleasant look every now and then however none of it bothered them, as if they were both heedless of anyone’s unfavorable judgment since they only care about one another and of course, I was more envious of them.

Why can’t it be me? Why was I not the one he was dancing with? Why was I not the one he was looking at with those eyes? Why not me? Why him?

Please look at me, Julian. I dressed in my best to impress you but never once did you look at me like how you used to look at me before. Those stunning eyes of yours now belonged to someone else, you belonged to him now and it hurts.

Please just one glance at me, I beg of you.

Sorrow engulfed me from within when he didn’t. It saddened me that this was what I was seeing after coming back for him. This was the consequence I got after breaking him beyond belief, this was the result I earned after leaving him alone and cold in the middle of the rain.

This is the price I paid after all the mistakes I did – I lost his love.

I laughed for my idiocy. “True not all good choices bring good consequences, I think I understand what your words meant, mother. I thought that I wouldn’t hurt him anymore if I left but I was so wrong, not only did I hurt him but I also ruined him, and I regret it.” I looked down on the floor as I expressed all my sad thoughts to her.

“I regret hurting him, I regret betraying him and I regret leaving him.” I added.

Indeed I shouldn’t have been a coward and betrayed him for so many times. I shouldn’t have been pathetic and hurt him so much, and most of all I shouldn’t have left him when his trust and love for me were barely hanging on.

But I still did and now I got what I deserve – I lost him.

“Despite all this pain I deserve because of all the cruel things I did to him, still I hope that he still and will love me even though I can’t be the man worthy of him. I wish, with all of my shame, for him to choose me in the end. I love him so much, truly am, mother.” I further said while my eyes remained on the marble ground.

“I am proud of you, Dante. It’s sad I know but to be honest, I am happy because I didn’t thought that there will be a day where I will hear such truthful words from you, dear.” she replied.