Typed • h.e.s

Chapter 28: Don't Wanna Be Without You

In our hotel in Boston, I feel so dead. I didn't want Adam to talk to me or play around for the whole week.

I'm starting to wear the necklace since we left Seattle and brought it with me in the signings. I remember what Harry told me before that I should always wear this for him. Now I did and it is exposed as I wear loose tank tops topped with cardigans.

I called Ellie since I'm feeling so down.

"Hello." I say and my voice was so weak. "Tara. I'm guessing you don't feel good." "I'm not sick." "But your heart is." She says and she just got it right. "What is really with that necklace that you told me Harry gave you?" Ellie asks.

"It was his Christmas gift to me. He told me to wish on it before wearing it. It was the best day of my life." I say and I know Ellie won't understand this. "I hope I know that." "I understand you Ellie. I'm sorry. I just feel so down and tired. We've been going around. I just finished my signing and we'll be having lunch in a few." I answer. "Tara, I just want you to have good time." He says. "I can't stop myself from crying every night again. It's coming back." I answer.

"Tara..." "I'm sorry for telling you about it." "It's fine. I just want to hug you right now." She says and I look at the clock. "Ellie, I have to go now. I'll try to call you later." "Tara, can you smile for me now when you see the boys?" She asks. "I will." "Thank you." She says and we both ended the call.

I went to the restaurant inside the hotel and saw the boys and the crew in the table.

I smiled to them and sat beside Liam. It is always my place. We then started to eat but it seems that we're missing someone.

"Where's Harry?" I ask.

"He's in his room. Having a massive headache. He doesn't want to be disturbed." Louis answers. "Since when?" I ask and I haven't started my meal yet. "Since we came." Zayn answers. "He really feels weak these past days when we left Seattle." Niall adds. "Harry's very tired. He has been partying straight after some of our concerts." Says Liam.

I didn't get to react anymore and I slowly eat my meal.

"By the way, I've noticed these past days too that you've been wearing that necklace?" Louis says. "Oh, that was the one that fell when we were in Seattle." Liam says. "Does that have a meaning?" Zayn asks. "I... I don't want to talk about it. I'm... Sorry." I say with a smile. "It's fine." Liam looks at me.

At night, I didn't want to come to their concert again and hear them singing. Their songs just make me remember of the past that will just make me cry.

I went to the lounge where everyone is and my eyes search for Harry. He was silently sitting and he looks so blank.

"Harry." I walked towards him and he looks at me without saying something. "Tara." Adam pulls me away from him and says, "He doesn't want to be disturbed." He says. "Is he sick? I'm just worried." I ask. "He's still having the headache." he answers and I look at Harry who was just scrolling through his phone.

When they left, I went back to my room and opened the telly to watch a movie. My head is messed up again from thing running in my mind.

I feel like I'm dead every day, I'm getting tired, I'm getting weird, Harry's sick everything is just getting worse.

"I feel..."

I tweeted.

I tend to overthink that I forget what to do. I should be having an online chat tonight but I don't feel like doing one.

My eyes are getting puffy again. In a few days, the tour will be finished. I just want to get home and be busy again. Forget and leave Harry if I can.


Morning, we're in Las Vegas and I am slowly dying inside right now. I do not know if I'm just excited to come home soon or is it because of Harry again.

He's still at his same state in where he doesn't speak and he worries me. I want to talk to him but he always doesn't want to be disturbed.

We all had lunch together after the book signing.

"Where's Harry?" Zayn asks as he sits. "He'll come down in any minute." Niall answers. "There he is." Liam says and we saw Harry walking towards us, I hope that he's in a good mood.

"Finally, you've been so different these past few days." Louis says and Harry sits beside him. "I just don't feel well." Harry says and glances at me. "Let's eat." He says and we did. Liam was talking about how big the crowd in the signing was a while ago. I looked at Harry who was just eating and not joining the conversation. Zayn then started talking. As I turn to my left, I caught Harry looking at my necklace and our eyes met. We glanced away and Harry places his fork down.

"Are you finish?" Louis asks Harry. "We just started." Lou (Teasdale) says and Harry shakes his head and massages his temple with his thumb. "I'm very sorry. I'll be in my room." He stands from his seat and walks away.

"He doesn't want to be sent to the hospital. He always say he's fine." Louis says. "But he seems so fine in the concert." Says Niall. "But then weak when people don't see him." Adam answers. "I'm worried about him." I say and they all looked at me. "Harry doesn't want anyone to worry, especially you." Louis says and I shake my head. "I'm serious." He adds and I shrugged.

"Are you even fine?"

I tweeted and this Tweet is for Harry.

The boys are having their concert right now while I'll be having my livestream with my fans.

I sat on my bed and turned my laptop on, I used Twitcam and started to talk.

"Hi." I waved. "How are all of you?" I smiled. "I'm really tired. I'm sure the boys are more tired but I'm also excited that the tour will end soon. I really miss home." I say.

The livestream made me feel good and it lasted two hours, I just talked about the book, how it was touring with the boys, and answered some of their questions. I really wanted to extend the talk but the management told me that I can only have two hours and it sucks so I just went on Twitter to continue.

"Sorry, I had to go. But I'm here on Twitter! Tweet away questions xx"

"@tarashaw we want more of youuuu!"

"@larrystylisoners69 I want more of all of you! Xx"

"@tarashaw when are you going to do a twitcam? :("

"@zappeninzapper maybe soon. When I get back to London! :( :) xx"

"@tarashaw WAHT ARE YOU UP TO 12xx"

"@tarasboyfriend in bed day dreaming sighhhh :) xx"

I went to the trending topics to see what's happening on Twitter.

Harry

Harry is trending on the second spot.

I clicked on it but then my phone rang as Ellie is calling.

I answered it and my Twitter stopped loading since I answered her call. "Hello? Ellie, you called at the wrong time. Harry was trending on Twitter and I wanted to read what it is all about." I say to her as I lay my head down to my pillow. "I called about it." Ellie says and she gets my attention. "What is it all about?" I ask, worried and afraid that it may be bad. "Didn't anyone tell you about it? It just happened ten minutes ago." Ellie says and her voice scares me, worries me again. "What is it? No one is calling me. I'm left all alone in my room. I was about to rest." I answer. "Harry collapsed while they were singing They Don't Know About Us." Ellie says and I sat on my bed. "What?!" I say in shock and my heart started to beat so fast. "That is it. They said that some fans went out the venue and saw that Harry was to the hospital since he wasn't conscious." She adds and I stand. "I'll call you later, okay?" I say and quickly ended the call.

I changed my shirt to my hoodie and left my pajamas as my trousers, I walked out of my hotel room with my wallet in my hand and called Adam. He then answers. "Harry's in the hospital." He says. "Where is he? I have to see him." I say and I feel like crying again. "The boys are in the hospital too, we had to cancel the concert. They had an hour left to perform but they decided to cancel it since Harry wasn't conscious." Adam says. "Adam! I have to see him!" I say and wrinkled my nose as tears started fall from my eyes again. "Okay, I will fetch you in the hotel." Adam says and I waited for him in the lobby.

I can't stop walking around, I feel so uncomfortable knowing what happened to Harry. Why would he collapse? Maybe because he haven't take lunch or dinner. I don't know! There is something wrong with him that he does not want to tell us.

"What took you so long?" I ask Adam as I come in the car and the driver started to drive. "How's Harry?" I ask him. "He'll be fine. We sent him to the hospital now." Adam says and my hands are trembling. I looked at my left hand and closed my palm. I'm feeling so bad now.

"He will be fine." Adam says as he takes my hand and we exchanged looks. I pulled it away from him and shook my head. "I hope so." I say as I put my hand to my necklace and closed my eyes. "Do you know anything about him? Does he have any problem?" I ask him. "We haven't heard anything about him. Maybe it's because of partying. We told him to stop clubbing. Do you know that he gets drunk every night? I think it's the reason why he gets those massive headaches." Adam says and I nod. "May I know who gave you that necklace? You've been wearing that since you cried...in Seattle. I'm just curious and you know me... when I'm curious... I don't stop asking." He says and I looked at him. "My boyfriend." I answer and I know he felt awkward as he held my hand a while ago. "Oh, sorry." Adam says. "It's fine. He doesn't know that I exist." I answer and he looked confused.

As soon as we reached the hospital, Adam leads me to Harry's room and I've seen that almost everyone is sitting outside.

"What happened to him?" I ask Liam and he stands from his seat. "He collapsed in the concert." He answers. "Is he fine?" I ask. "He's sleeping." He adds. "Can I see him?" "Yes. Zayn and Niall are inside." Louis says and opens the door for me as Zayn and Niall were sitting and talking. I walked towards Harry who was lying on his bed and cried.

"Tara..." Louis rubs my back. Why would Harry feel so weak? Why would he faint on stage?

I can't handle it anymore again; I don't want to see Harry weak and lying in a hospital bed. "Did you cry?" Adam asks me and why can't he see the tears streaming down my face. "No. It was just sweat." I answer and sat down. Louis sits beside me and I ask him if he knows anything about Harry. I just want to ask him for me to stop worrying.

"Louis." "Yes?" he looks at me but my eyes remain looking down at the ground. "Do you know anything about Harry? Why he looks so weak?" I ask. "I have no idea, love. If I only know, I would already tell this to you or to our mates. I'm also worried about him. He usually goes clubbing after every concert and come back drunk." Louis says, his hands are clasped together. "I'm just worrying a lot. I...I honestly can't even sleep... I over think about him." I told him. I just need someone to open up to and I know I can trust Louis about this. "About what happened in Seattle, is it about him?" he asks me and I don't know how to answer it. "No... It's not..." I lied. "Do you like Harry?" we exchanged looks and I shake my head. "N...no. I wrote him a story but it's all done now. Of course, I have to be concerned. He's a good mate." I answer.

"We should go back to the hotel now. Harry will be awake tomorrow morning. You have another concert here in Vegas before we go to Chula Vista then Los Angeles." The head says and all we had to do is follow them for our own good. I'm just hoping that Harry will feel better tomorrow. I want to talk to him, if he allows me to.