Typed • h.e.s

Chapter 37: Broke

"Ahhh..." Ashton says as he sits beside me on the couch. "I wish I live here." He says. "It's perfect." Ellie says and sits on the solo couch. "Small and perfect and beautiful. I like the white touches." I say. "Perfectly safe." Ian says as he walks towards us. "Please tell Aunt Mia I thank her from the bottom of my heart." I say and I continued scrolling at my phone.

"You've been on your phone since we started fixing until we finished." Ashton says. "She's keeping track of Team Tarry." Ellie says. "No." I shake my head.

"Team Tarry won though." Ellie says and I looked at her. "What?" I say in shock. "I thought you're on Twitter." She says. "No. I'm playing." I answer.

"#TeamTarry won! We have picked lucky Directioners to win lots of these 1D Merch! Wait for our next tweet!"

Ellie reads out loud.

"You tweeted a while ago!" Ellie says. "You didn't know? You tweeted too." I say.

"In @elliellie's car listening to daily top twenty hahaha xx."

She reads.

"You actually like Team Tarry." Ellie says. "Ah, of course. When are you both going to see each other again?" Ashton asks. "When everything's fine." I answer. "Do you know where he is?" Ian asks me. "He's in the North. He has a house there." I answer. "You still know where he is." Ellie says with a smile and I didn't answer anymore.

Of course we still have to get in touch to each other but not that close.

As soon as Ellie and Ian left. I walked in my room, where it is very comfortable, the view from outside while Ashton will be sleeping on the sofa at the living room for a few days before college starts.

"Hello?" I answer my phone as I sit on my bed. "Hi, Tara. Where are you?" He asks with asking how am I or something else. "Home." I answer Harry who is on the other line. "Home? I went to your flat. Just now." He says and I sighed. I feel slightly happy because he didn't personally bother me and sad since I really want to see him.

"Where are you?" I ask him. "Driving back." He answers. "Are you in Ellie's or still in Newcastle?" He asks me. "I'm here at the East." I answer. "Where? Can we see each other tomorrow? I want to talk to you..." He says and I can feel him smiling. "Oh, Harry." "Why? Can't we? Before I go back to...work." He asks and his voice sounds so convincing. "Meet me at Uncle's Kitchen for breakfast. Near my flat. You know that?" I say. "Breakfast? Dinner sounds better." He says. "I'm with Ashton. Breakfast. That is final." I answer. "Alright, mate. Breakfast it is." Harry chuckles. "I'll see you tomorrow." He says after the pause. "See you." I say and quickly hang up.

I honestly miss him so much, I want to see him today, right now but I have to wait for tomorrow.

•

"Where are you going?" Ashton asks me. He is sitting on the couch watching telly as he saw me walking down the stairs. "Uhm, meeting Ellie?" I say and I wore my flats that is beside the couch he's sitting on. "Or Harry?" He says and my eyes widens. "I just want to see him." I roll my eyes and walked to the kitchen to get a glass of water. "Are you sure? Would you like me to come?" He asks. "As if I'm going to die in his arms. No. Stay home. It's just breakfast." I answer and drank the glass of water. "Okay. Take care." Ashton says as I walked out of the house.

I took a cab and went to the restaurant we both will see each other.

I just thought I also miss the flat where everything between me and Harry started. It was where we first met and where I thought it has ended. It made me want to come back to it now but things has changed. Now's the reality of everything.

I walked inside the restaurant with my phone in my right hand with my wallet under it. I looked everywhere and walked inside the restaurant. There is some lady who entertained me but I told her that I'm looking for someone, she asks me who it is but I don't reply. From a corner, far from the entrance is where I saw Harry sitting and is on his phone. I walked towards him and stood at the side.

"Tara." He says as he slowly puts his phone down to the table that was blocking his face. "Hi." I say after breathing so deep. He stands from his seat and holds my waist as he gives me a long kiss on my cheek then he offers me a seat.

"Nice to see you." I say. "I'm very happy." He says. "I can see it with that grin." I answer with a light laugh. "I went to your flat last night. Where were you? They said you moved." He says. "Oh, I... I did." I nod. "Where? So I could visit you." "Not... Not now." I tell him and I knew that he would be surprised. "Harry, things...things today are being complicated. I... I just want you to know I'm still not ready for anything with you." I say. "Do you still receive them?" He asks me, he meant for the threats. "Lots of them." I answer and nod. He shakes his head in disappointment, maybe. "It scares me." I add. "Harry... I... I'm sorry I looked so messed, I can't focus, my mind, and everything... I---" "I understand you. I know one day if we can, we'll already come out." He says. "I'm still working on it." I tell him. "But what if we live together again." He says. "Harry, that is not that easy. That's... complicated for me. Things aren't like before where you know... We could walk around together hand in hand, people don't care about us, don't send hate or anything. I don't even know why this is happening now. We were accepted before that is why everything seemed so easy and now my mum's been calling me because people are leaving mail in our doorsteps about hate." I honestly tell him. I wouldn't want this to take any longer. "Harry..." I breath. "You know I... I... I... I honestly don't want... to let you go... I... I... love you. You know that." I say as I stuttered at the words that make me uncomfortable to say in our situation. "I love you. I love you more than anything." He says. "I'm graduating college. I wanted to focus on my studies first." I say and the next words that wants to come out of my mouth makes me want to cry. "Harry, I also have a dream and I want to finish everything and it's just my priority. The book was amazing. The tour. Meeting the boys. Meeting you. It was such a great experience even things from some fairytale happened." I say and smiled. "Tara..." He holds my hand that is on top of the table. I pressed my lips and took a deep breath. "Let's stop seeing each other." I say as I slowly pulled my hand away from him. "What... What do you mean?" He asks and he looks so confused. "Ha... Harry. I've never been so happy in my life from the day that I met you but we have limits too. We'll just... You know... Stop being like... The lovers thing? You know that? Where you call, ask me how I am, saying those sweet things at night. Let's just quit that. We can still be friends, right?" I say as I hold the tears that is being hidden in my smile. "I'm... I'm sorry. You're not just any celebrity. Millions go crazy for you and you want to date... someone who people didn't... expect to. It bothers my studies a lot. I... I want to graduate college with honours that would make my family proud, especially my dad. That's just my dream." I say as I nod. I couldn't read Harry's face. "Tara, why are you doing this..." He says. "It's for our own good." I answer.

"Oh, uhm, look... Look at the time. I... I have to go see... Ellie." I say and stand from my seat. "I... I'm sorry." I walked away from him.

Our food wasn't touched when we started our conversation but I knew that this is the right time to tell him what are my plans. He didn't speak that much today, I know he would be surprised that I'm already really letting him go. It makes me feel free but of course there's something heavy here in my heart where we both promised to each other that we won't let go but I just can't accept the fact that I just broke a promise.

I would just like to keep this between the both of us and I won't tell anyone about it.

•

Ashton came back from Newcastle in the middle of my last college year. It's good to see him again here in London and he'll be staying in my house. He made the storage room into a small bedroom where he could stay in whenever he comes over.

Tonight, we're having dinner here in the house and he called some chinese.

I'm still writing and I really love how busy I am with college. I just really feel normal and so happy with it.

"Tara." I turn to the door where I heard the voice and Ashton comes in with a tray of food. He places it at the small table near the telly.

"I've called you for dinner but you didn't come out." He says and sits on my bed. "I'm still busy, look." I say to him. "Working hard on it?" Ashton says and I nod. "I'm excited. In a few more months, I'm done." I say. "How's fangirling?" He asks and I roll my eyes and looked at him. "I have never heard you ask me that in my nineteen years of existence." I say ans he laughs. "I'm serious!" I add. "I know. You know I'm just worried with you, like you're not normal anymore. Don't you like One Direction anymore?" He asks me. "I love them! Ashton, ugh!"

Ashton already knew why I had to let go of Harry before, even Ellie knows about it and she's coming over tonight.

"Do you miss Harry?" He asks me. "Ashton, I'm studying." I say as I continued writing. "Come on, I'm just curious." He leans forward to my desk. "I'm studying." "Tara..."

My phone rings and it's Ellie calling.

"She's here." I say and walked out of my room and opened the front door to meet Ellie. "Good you're here." I say and she comes in. "Why? Is someone scaring you?" She says. "Ashton is here." I tell her and she puts her bag on the couch. "What? What did he do?" Ellie asks. "He was asking about curly again." I answer. "Speaking about curly, did you---" "Hi, Elliot." Ashton says as he walks down the stairs. "Don't call me that Ashton." She says to him. "We better go to my room." I say. "Brilliant." Ellie says and we walked upstairs to my room. Ellie locks it so Ashton won't barged in.

I sat on my chair where I was doing my paperwork while Ellie sat on my bed and she's on her phone.

"Ashton's going to sleep on the sofa?" Ellie asks and I looked at her as I place my feet up my desk and leaned back at my chair as I reply a text from one of our mates about the paperwork. "No, he bought a bed and he made the storage room a bedroom. He'll be staying since he has some business to do here in London." I answer. "He just irritates me about curly." I say. "So, here, I'm almost done writing, just a little revision of the draft, type it and we're done." I add and looked at her. "About curly, if you want to know, he's dating a blonde. But it's not sure! He was just rumoured to." Ellie says. "A blonde again..." I say as I sat fine on my chair and picked my pen up to continue writing. "Again? Did you know who when did he was last rumoured that he dated a blonde? Years! His ex was a brunette." Ellie tells me and I looked at her. "Who?" "Tara Shaw? From Newcastle and London was his ex, remember?" She then laughs. "Ugh, f^ck you." I say as I rolled my eyes with a smile.

I stand from my seat ad with my phone, I walked to the bathroom. I sat on the toilet and went on Twitter to search about Harry and the blonde girl Ellie is telling me.

Ellie and everyone knows that I don't search that much about the boys but they're wrong, I still can't stop caring about them but this news about Harry is new.

My heart beat went so fast as I saw photos of Harry and a blonde girl with some mates and a photo of just the both of them but there weren't intimate ones like snogging or hugging but there's a photo of Harry holding her at her waist and the blonde was really good looking and tall, definitely a model as she strikes a brilliant pose with Harry, her body sticking to him so close and Harry had a half smile on.

I looked for the lady's name and her name is Laura, very common though and her profession is a Swedish model but she lives in Birmingham.

"Glob, no." I breathe as my tears are about to come out from my eyes again. Harry rarely contacts me, he sends me messages twice a month and I sometimes wouldn't reply or tell him that I am busy. Sometimes when I tweet about something or mostly about the boys, he would reply to me which is weird because he had never did it to his other ex's. It has also been at least seven months since we last saw each other.

"I can't even explain how I feel tonight."

I tweeted.

"Doing paperworks with @elliellie and I feel so saaad."

I add so that they wouldn't doubt on my past tweet.

I walked out and Ellie is already dressed in her pyjamas and with her laptop.

We finished the papers for three hours straight, no break and we're now off to bed.

"Tara, Harry answered your tweet." Ellie says and before I get in the covers and lay down, I looked at her laptop.

"Cheer up."

Harry tweeted.

"Ugh, that isn't for me. It has been months, Ellie. I know he's going to move on easily." I say and lay my head down. "It is for you!" Ellie insists.

"Just like to confirm that I am not dating anyone."

Ellie says with her eyes on her laptop.

"Harry just tweeted again! Look." She says and I looked at her laptop again and he just did. I felt relief after, I don't know why but I just feel so happy, I wish I'd see them soon again before or after I finish college.