3:26 am

t w e n t y - f o u r

t w e n t y - f o u r

Christmas meant family, and family meant chaos. I had only been home for about an hour, but with all the kids running around, and presents being thrown around the room, I needed time to breathe. There was also only one thing on my mind, and I needed to talk to someone about it, so I found myself calling Ellie.

"Merry Christmas, Quincy!" Ellie exclaimed as she answered the phone. I smiled at her greeting and sat down on my bed.

"Merry Christmas, Elle," I said, picking at the ends of my sweater as I became nervous.

"What's up?" Ellie asked, clearly happy in the way she spoke.

"I... like him," I told Ellie as I mustered up the courage. "I like him a lot," I found myself starting to become emotional as I thought about why liking him was such a bad thing and brought my hand up to my forehead.

"What?" Ellie asked, seeming confused.

"Holden! I'm so into him, god dammit!" I fell back onto my bed and breathed in deeply as I tried to control myself. "Fucking Andy had to come in and ruin everything."

"Oh, Quinn," Ellie said, gasping quietly as she realized what was happening.

"All I've put up with this week is him constantly pushing me so far into the friend zone that I feel trapped in a corner. He's going to leave tomorrow morning, and I'm going to have to say goodbye to him; he's going to leave and fall in love with Andy, she's going to get my guy, and I can't do shit about it."

"Quincy, you have to fight for him," Ellie told me and I slowly shook my head.

"No, Ellie... I can't do that. It's not fair to him, and I'll just make myself look like an idiot. He does not like me, he's so completely over me... it's depressing. God, I wish he had never come," I squeezed the skin between my eyebrows and breathed in deeply to compose myself. "This will be the worst Christmas in history, Ellie, because without Holden... I think I might die alone."

"Quinn, would you stop? You're not going to die alone, okay? You're twenty-five, you've got some time to figure things out. Do you think Walt's feeling great? He's a little worse off than you, and I'm almost positive he'll be married in a couple years," As I thought of Walt, I hoped Ellie was right. "You're just as capable as Walt to get back into the game."

"But Ellie, I never left the game. I've just been here, waiting for someone to come along."

"Well, maybe that's your first mistake," Ellie said, confusing me before she continued. "Stop waiting around, not everything is going to come to you... you have to sacrifice yourself sometimes, and you have to put effort in."

"Ellie, he's in a relationship, he's happy. He really likes Andy... it's not fair of me to try and jeopardize his relationship just because I'm into him." I pushed myself upright and bit my lip as I prepared myself to say something else. "I like seeing him happy... and he's really happy."

"Oh, cut the shit, Quincy. You've only seen him happy when he's talking to you or when he's with you. You have no idea how he feels when he's around Andy, it's not possible for you to know."

"Why on earth would he be with her if he wasn't happy? He's not desperate," I told Ellie, stating the obvious. "If he was desperate, he could've waited for me."

"He's just an idiot, Quinn! He doesn't have time to be desperate... he's distracted," Ellie tried to persuade me, but I wasn't buying. We stayed in silence for a moment or two, and I sighed as I fell back onto my bed, again. "Look, I hate to say this, but... I told you so, bitch."