3:26 am

n i n e t e e n

n i n e t e e n

As my phone rang from my bedroom, I stayed in the living room, ignoring the call. It was most likely Holden, and for the past couple days, he was the last person I wanted to talk to.

I knew I shouldn't be ignoring him, and I knew doing so would only ruin any chances of us continuing to talk after the holidays, but I felt like putting an end to our talking now would be best since we'd probably stop talking eventually. I was also really good at convincing myself of nearly anything.

The doorbell rang and my eyes rolled out of reflex. I slowly pushed myself off the couch that I had been glued to all day and made my way to the door. Once I unlocked it, I swung the door open, figuring it would be Ellie trying to get me to go out to the bar, or go out to do anything.

As I looked up, I made eye contact with someone much taller than I was, and as the guy looked up at me, my jaw fell open. My hands flew up to my mouth and I stood, staring in shock.

"Hey," he said coolly, making my cheeks burn and my heart began to race. His cheeks were flush from the cold and his hands were shoved into his pockets, making him look smaller than I knew he was. I couldn't muster up the courage to say anything back to him, so I just stood there with wide eyes, staring up at him. "Quinn?"

"Holden," I said lamely, talking into my hands, as I continued to stare at him. Before I could restrain myself from doing so, I took a step forward and wrapped my arms around his waist, hugging him tightly. He seemed to tense up at first, most likely not expecting the gesture, but he soon relaxed and hugged me back, doing so tightly.

"I missed you," Holden said quietly, just above my ear, which caused my eyes to squeeze shut. I wanted him to miss me because I missed him. "I'm sorry, Quinn-"

"Holden, shut up," I told him, cutting off his apologies. "Can you just let me enjoy this for a minute?" Holden stayed quiet and I eventually pulled away once Holden finally let me go. I looked up at him and he looked down at me. "Why did you come? I told you not to-"

"Oh, you seem really upset with me being here," Holden interrupted me as he sarcastically spoke, and shoved his hands into his coat pockets. "I had to see you, Quinn." I bit my lower lip as I continued to stare up at him, and eventually Holden began to laugh quietly.

"What?" I asked, joining in with him.

"This is awkward," he observed, talking with his hands; that's something he always did.

"Well, I wasn't expecting you, I don't know how to react." While I didn't want it to be awkward, I knew it was. "Okay, come in, it's freezing," I reached forward for Holden's arm and as I touched him, I looked up at him to see him looking down at me.

"I was waiting for you to invite me in, but I didn't know if I would get that far," Holden began to joke and I sighed quietly as he walked in. I shut the door behind him and looked at him again.

"Well, uh, follow me," I told him as I began to walk further into my apartment. We walked into my living room and I abruptly turned around. "How are you?" I looked up to meet Holden's eyes and he brought his hand up to the back of his neck as he smiled.

"Uh, I'm good," he told me with a nod, looking down at me. "How are you?"

"I'm... fine," I sighed and turned back around as I walked further into the room. "I'm sorry, you're right, this is awkward, I-"

"Don't be sorry, Quinn," Holden laughed at me quietly and I smiled as I let out a deep breath. As I looked back over at him, I noticed a perplexed look on his face. "Quinn... where's your Christmas tree?" I looked in the direction he was staring and I shrugged my shoulders slowly.