The Journey Home

7 - Healing

Eileen

I felt that all the energy had been drained from my body. It had been a couple of weeks since I had been able to actually rest since I was working more than usual. I'd work and then go home and help Angela with her homework. During the free time I managed to have I'd spend it with Angie and play, play, play.

She had much more energy than I did and I had such a hard time keeping up with her. The exhaustion, the physical pain that many times I felt didn't matter as long as she had a smile on her face, as long as she didn't know pain or suffering.

Tonight though, I had been lucky enough that she didn't feel like running around at the park and instead preferred to watch a movie with me. Dreading the fact that Angie might want to sing "Let It Go," or rather scream it, I spiked her interest in The Lion King.

Soon after the movie started I found myself struggling to even keep my eyes open. My daughter of course, being as energetic as she was, had more questions than I thought were even possible regarding the movie. I didn't realize my eyes had closed until I thought I heard a forceful knock at the door. I was quickly on my feet, dizziness taking over from the rush of blood that traveled to my brain.

"Stay here." I told Angie, who was too entertained to even hear me.

I walked to the door wishing that whoever was behind it wasn't going be to be someone from my past, a fear that was always present. My shaking hand turned the doorknob and the door opened with a squeak while I tightened the robe around my body.

"Alex?"

There he stood holding who knows how many wrapped items in his hands. His hair was in complete disarray contrary to how he usually wore it and had a rather stressed look on his face. Alex Moretti seemed at a loss of words for a moment as he looked down to my feet, covered by the slippers he had given me some nights ago. A small smile crept onto his face that had some slight stubble already on it.

"I know it's late, but I had some things I wanted to give to Angela." He finally confessed, shifting on his feet.

He must be uncomfortable.

"This shit is heavy." Came a voice from behind Alex. "Can we walk in or do we set it here or-"

I cleared my throat, realizing that Alex wasn't alone and that he'd actually carried all this a whole flight of stairs.

"Mhmm. Yes, come in." I said, stepping aside they could walk in.

"Ah, so she speaks." said the man who followed behind Alex.

I stood there in stunned silence, both at the amount of things that they had brought for Angie and at the mere fact that they had managed to even bring it all up.

"What's all this?" I finally asked, feeling a lump forming in my throat.

"I saw a couple of things that I thought Angie would like and decided to bring them over so she could play over the weekend." Alex said before turning to his friend, who had nudged him with his elbow. "This is Lucas by the way."

Lucas gave me a small nod as he looked around the apartment. I looked away, tears forming in my eyes at the gesture Alex had with my daughter.

"I'll get Angela." I said after a moment.

She jumped off my bed, running to the living room as soon as I told her that her friend Alex was here. From my bedroom I heard her talking excitedly to him and the ripping of paper as she opened her gifts.

I wiped a stray tear away when I heard her excited voice thanking Alex for all the things he had brought for her. I felt like I was about to break in pieces at the fact that he had done all of this for my daughter whom he barely even knew. My chest tightened at the foreign emotion that seemed to be over taking my body.

Not now, not now, not now...

I reminded myself that there was goodness in the world, that I had seen the goodness in it before. It was pointless to fight Alex when he hadn't done anything wrong. I didn't fear him, but I did fear the unknown feeling that seemed to stir within me when he was around.

★★★

I hadn't realized it was so late until Lucas mentioned that Angela looked like she was about to fall asleep on the pile of toys she had on the floor. I took her to bed and as if on cue, her body relaxed and she was far gone in her dream universe.

The smiles on her face in the past two hours had been constant, and I had one person to thank for them. As much as I wanted to thank him though, I knew that I wouldn't be able to say those two words.

"Where's Lucas?" I asked.

"He's waiting in the car. He tends to get impatient" Alex said, leaning back on the wall. "I think Angie liked her toys."

Moretti smiled with delight and I nodded, giving him a smile of my own. The air in the room changed when his eyes softened and he pushed himself off the wall and walked towards me. Although I wanted to move, take a step back my feet seemed to be glued to the ground. Instead, I found myself with my eyes locked on his, mesmerized by the emotion swirling in them. Their usually light color now replaced by soft speckles of grey and blue.

"Like I said," he began, this time cupping my face in the palm of his hand, "you really should smile more."

"You think I only look at you." He said with a pained look in his eyes. "But I see you Eileen. I see the woman that you are, the woman that you want to be. I want to be there when that woman comes out to the surface, even as your friend."

"I'm not good at this." I confessed. "I don't have friends."

"I've noticed," He said, his lips tilting up. "And I don't care."

"I'm a bit of a bitch sometimes."

"I've seen it."

"I probably will be rude to you sooner rather than later."

"I don't doubt it."

I lowered my gaze, unable to keep up with the intensity in his and he sighed, tilting my chin back up. I could see something warring within him, something that he didn't know how to beat. Not knowing when or how it happened, I found myself leaning against his touch with his forehead against mine.

"You're confusing as hell, you know that?" I closed my eyes, letting the warmth of his minty breath surround me. I waited for the fear, for the anxiety to appear at the proximity of his body, but to my surprise, it never came. For the first time in five years I felt peace. "Besides, I can be a bit of an ass myself. I think I can handle you just fine."

He pressed a tender kiss to my forehead, his lips lingering there for a moment before he stepped back.

And that's when my healing began.