The Journey Home

33 - Forcing Love

I've been hoping somebody loves you in the ways I couldn't
Somebody's taking care of all of the mess I made, someone you don't have to change
I've been hoping someone will love you
Let me go...
-Let Me Go by Hailee Steinfield ft FGL
******

Alexander

Julia stared at me. She was so fucking hard to read. She didn't look angry, but she also didn't look happy either. Eileen was in my bedroom still, I didn't want her to feel any more guilt than she already did.

"I really want to know what I'm missing here, Alex," Julia finally said. "She said she was your friend."

I sat down next to her. It wasn't that she wasn't beautiful, she was. There's no way to force a connection with someone though, and it never existed between us.

"She is my friend, Jules." I cleared my throat, trying to think of how to explain things without hurting her too much. "She just isn't only my friend."

"Explain, Alex. I don't want half excuses, I want the truth. I thought we could work things out, I thought we were fine."

"We had a relationship that kind of ended a year ago."

"Kind of?" She asked with an incredulous look. 

"Yes. She had to leave town after some things happened." I scoffed, there was no way she would understand. "We went through a lot of shit, and I mean, shit that no one should ever go through. That was us together, she's been through even more on her own. Long story short, she needed time on her own so she left."

Julia nodded, an interested look in her eyes. I took it as a sign to continue.

"I didn't know when she was coming back, and I'm not going to tell you I thought I was over her, I knew I wasn't. That was my mistake though, I should have fucking known. But she did, she came back and I've been trying to push it away but I don't want to do this shit to you. I was going to talk to you last night but-"

"I didn't show."

"Yeah, you didn't show. Nothing happened between us, Jules. But if it had..."

"You wouldn't regret it," she finished once again for me.

"I wouldn't."

A pregnant silence enveloped us. It unnerved me that she wasn't angry but it showed that she had matured greatly from when we were together before. 

"I wasn't going to come until after noon," she said, wiping away a tear. "Addie called me and said you needed to talk to me and then I walked in on you and Eileen asleep."

"Fucking Addie," I muttered. "She's being fucking bitchy, I don't know why."

"Yeah, she doesn't seem to like Eileen... Is she the reason why you haven't touched me?"

I nodded, not bothering to hurt her further by saying it. 

"I had told my father about us," Julia said. "I thought, you know, that we might actually have a chance this time. I know our engagement before was a bit forced, but I thought things were different this time. We're older, I thought that you'd finally wan to settle down."

"I do."

"But not with me."

"Not with you."

Addie walked in, and she looked as if she was a deer caught in the headlights. 

"You, sit," I said to her, pointing a chair. "Now Adeleine, we're going to settle this shit."

"Don't talk to me like that."