Resentment (Lawson fanfic)

Chapter 20-Alone

Chapter 20-Alone

 (Beth’s POV)

 It’s been 3 months since I finally realised my feelings for Ryan… Every day I wake up regretting that I pushed him away. And now I have to pay the price for letting him slip away…

I watched all the updates on his accident and after he woke up from his coma, it was very long process of healing.

Pictures were released of him and in the day light the cuts, scars and bruises on his skin were even more recognizable. I hated seeing him like it.

The bruises and cuts eventually faded away in more recent pics but the scars will always remain… it’s like one of the scars he received from the crash will be a constant reminder that we walked away from… us.

A solitary tear falls as I realise the news is talking about Ryan again.

But it’s something I didn’t want to hear at all.

‘It has been confirmed that Ryan Fletcher and CeCe McClean have announced they are an item!’ the news reporter claims and I sink into my chair.

My hearth feels as though I lorry has run over it, then reversed onto it and parked directly on it.

I grab my face with my hands in any attempt to stop the tears from falling but they just flow down my cheeks like a waterfall (pardon the pun). Short gasps of air doesn’t help either, I feel as though I’m suffocated.

I can’t believe I feel this way about a man I was convinced I hate oh so much.

Soon they’ll be engaged… then they’ll be married and before I know it they’ll have children and I can’t compete with them things! I failed to win his heart when all he had was scars, cuts and bruises. So he’ll just walk away without even thinking things through if he had a loving family.

After discovering my true feelings for Ryan, I decide it’s time to break it off with Josh.

So tonight I’m going round his to talk. We hadn’t properly spoken since I pushed him away during sex and ran out of his house… so he knows something is up.

*Josh’s house*

I knock on the door and there’s a slow answer. However after a while Josh opens the door… with a towel round his body. How am I supposed to break up with his amazing abs?

‘Beth? What are you doing here?’ He asks sounding surprised.

‘I need to talk to you, Josh… can I come in?’ he steps aside soon enough and I enter the house.

We wonder through to the living room and I turn to face him.

‘So… what do you need to talk about?’

‘We need to break up, Josh…’ I say looking down.

‘What? No… we can’t… it was going great!’ he tries to defend.

‘It wasn’t for me… I have feelings for someone else… I’m in love with someone else…’ I mumble and stare at a distant wall.

‘Really?... Who?’

‘I can’t tell you that, Josh’

‘Why not?’

‘Because it’s not something I’d like to share… you’d think differently of me’

‘No I wouldn’t’ he begins while lightly taking my hand and kissing it. He still hold it while he continues ‘Beth… there’s something I need to tell you…’ I look into his eyes worriedly ‘I love you, Beth’

My jaw literally drops.

‘What!’ I ask him to repeat.

‘I love you…’

‘I can’t say it back, Josh…’

‘I know… but I just needed you to know before you walked away from me. I don’t even care about who you’re in love with because I only want what makes you happy…’ Josh finishes.

Where have I heard that before? I wonder to myself… someone has said that to me before…

Ryan.

He said those exact same words to me in my driveway when he told me he loved me.

I didn’t even realise I was staring blankly into one of Josh’s walls again until he woke me up from my trance by waving his hand in my face.

‘I have to tell him…’ I murmur again.

Josh looks so distraught; I feel so bad for him.

‘I have to tell him now!’

I kiss Josh lightly on the lips before darting out the house like I did the last time I spoke to him.

I get home and run towards the TV and switch it onto the news channel.

‘And Ryan Fletcher has ditched his solo career to be the bass guitarist in the hot new band Lawson!’ the female reporter announces.

I’m shocked, but I’m happy for him at the same time. He’ll go far. He’ll get what he’s always wanted to do and make music from the heart. That’s all I want for him.

I text Ryan straight away… unsure of what to say because it’s been 3 months…

I hesitate for a few minutes then I write what comes from the heart…

‘Hey Ryan… I hope you’ve had a good recovery. I’m always here if you need my support with anything. I just wanted to tell you that the reason I was in your hospital room 3 months ago was because I realised I’m in love you…-Beth’

Send... Boy there’s no way of un-sending that! I hope I get the reply I’ve wished for through these past 3 months.

I decide to keep myself busy for a few minutes until he replies so I watch the music channels.

When a Taylor Swift song comes on, my phone buzzes and I rush to view the message.

It’s Ryan like I hoped and I opened the message… but what I read is what I’ve never wanted to read from him.

‘Oh so now you’re interested in me? Seems you only changed you mind as soon as I became a little bit more famous being in a band. You’re pathetic! I’ve moved on since then and I’m happy with CeCe now! How does it feel to be knocked down after you declare your love for someone? It hurts like a bitch doesn’t it? SCREW YOU! KARMA BITCH!-Ryan’

I don’t even have the strength to hold my mobile anymore. I drops to floor along with a few tears leaking from my eyes.

How could he say that to me? How could he change his feelings so easily? He obviously didn’t love me as much as he said he did.

I’m broken.