King's College (Sequel to Too Young and Blind)

Jane

Trigger Warning: Transphobia

Jane

"Peggy I can't do this," I whispered and tried to run back inside my room, you could say I was glad Thomas had headed out before me so he wouldn't see this trans mess that I am. Peggy had skipped her first class to come and morally support me as I decided it was about time I came out of this shell of James into who I really am, Jane Madison.

"Jane," Peggy seized my arms as I tried to rip the white dress off, "You've come so far, don't let fear keep you shoved inside that stupid closet. I know you're ready for this I know you are. I've known you for over four years and for four years you've cried late at night because every day you have to put on a mask and present yourself as a man even though you're a woman, a strong, beautiful woman...if you really don't want to come out I promise I won't make you but don't let it be because you've grown comfortable in the closet. You'll never be able to embrace who you truly are unless you can learn to step out of your comfort zone." I pushed a tear away from my eye as she spoke because I knew she was right.

"O-Okay..." I sighed and looked down, "I don't want to sign my name as James on these papers I can't do it anymore. I've had to be James for eighteen years I can't keep doing it-I can't." I almost started crying again but ended up sneezing as Peggy put powder on my face that got in my nose, "What the Hell?!"

"Makeup," Peggy said with a giggle as she dabbed the powdery shit on some more, "I went out and used those senior pictures you took with Thomas with that professional photographer to find your color and I got you a shit ton of makeup. Don't worry, it was just me, I didn't out you to anybody." I smiled weakly as she continued applying the makeup, she even put on some nude lipstick and did my eyebrows with neutral eyeshadow but I didn't want contour or eyeliner today.

When Peggy finished I looked in the mirror and grinned, I couldn't believe I was a step closer to really being me. I glanced at Peggy and she gave me a thumbs up, "Okay I'm...I'm ready now. It's perfect, thank you and...what's Thomas going to think?"

"Wellllllll..." Peggy hummed and shrugged, "First, you're welcome and second, who cares what Thomas thinks? What does Jane think?" She then held the mirror up and I giggled, "See? Jane's happy so everybody else can suck a dick. That dress looks absolutely amazing on you by the way."

"Thanks," I got up, "Stay for moral support?" I asked as I grabbed my backpack with its assorted arrangement of different fandom pins, I even had a few Jessii Vee pins because I liked her supernatural videos though Thomas laughed at them because they sometimes scared me.

Peggy nodded and threw her own schoolbag on, it was a rainbow with the word PRIDE over the straps, "If I didn't stay them what kind of friend would I be? Girls stick together my chick." She said and held the straps of the bag with her hands, "All set?"

I nodded, "Of course." I kept rubbing my legs together because Peggy helped me shave earlier. My dad taught me how to shave my face when I was a preteen but I didn't know anything about the other body parts and the body hair killed me inside so Peggy taught me how to do it.

We set out and though I kept trying to hide behind Peggy she kept forcing me to walk next to her with a friendly smile. The nerves in my stomach boiled and spilled over as I entered the college yard, trying my damned hardest not to be seen but it didn't work because of my...rather esteemed social status.

At first, I thought maybe it was a positive reaction from everybody. I saw John Laurens pull on his boyfriend, Alexander Hamilton's sleeve and he said, "Look! James is a girl!" Which made me happy, he just said a girl.

"James is a girl!?!" Alex replied he sounded surprised. He looked my way and I waved shyly, trying to hide behind Peggy again but she wouldn't let me, not that it would matter anyway because people from all sides were whispering. Alex shrugged and said a neutral, "Cool." Before he and John went on their way, they were indifferent and that made me feel better.

However, it didn't stay positive for long, "Gross!" I turned to see James Reynolds who rolled his eyes and walked past us, pushing me with his shoulder which sent me into Peggy who quickly balanced me.

"Sorry," Maria mumbled as she trailed behind James, Susan in her arms wrapped in a red blanket. Maria and I were sort of friends actually, we kept in contact after graduation and I was there when her daughter was born. She turned and gave me a quick thumbs up and I smiled weakly as she ran to catch up with her boyfriend.

"What a dick," Peggy growled but then I heard the engine of the car owned by the man who had been giving me the most anxiety regarding this issue. I turned slowly as I saw Thomas step out of his car with Aaron Burr, his eyes locked with mine.

Thomas had left early to get Starbucks with Aaron, he invited me but I told him I couldn't make it...because I was transforming into Jane. So I stared at him as he threw his bag over one shoulder and crossed the schoolyard to me, it seemed as if all was silent as I held onto Peggy's arm in fear.

"...James?" Thomas asked and looked me over until he spotted it, the pin on the skirt of my dress that Peggy had bought for me. The blue, pink, and white pin of the trans flag. I felt tears well in my eyes as I stared at Thomas in fear, I loved him, I loved him so much.

"It-It..." I forced the tears down because I couldn't ruin Peggy's fabulous work on my face, "It's Jane...Jane Madison..." I thought reintroducing myself would help me stop feeling so lost and hopeless but it just made me want to burst into tears at the fear. It was too late now though, it was just too late, I was out and there was no going back.

Thomas rubbed the back of his neck and sighed as he looked away, my breath being caught in my throat as I waited for his response, "So...you want to get coffee sometime, Jane?" I stared at him in shock and confusion, "Madison, I'm asking you out." He said after a moment of silence passed between us.

Peggy started squealing and I couldn't help the tears falling down my face as I nodded quickly, "Of-Of course!" I went to hug him and then stopped myself as I didn't know the boundaries but he hugged me so I hugged back, nothing could hurt me as long as I had Thomas.

"FUCK!" Peggy shouted, "I FUCKING SHIP IT!" I pulled away from Thomas with a blush as I pushed away the tears and sniffed, "Oh here let me just..." She pulled makeup from her purse and did a quick touch up.

"Thank you," I said and she nodded before running off to get to her school which I understood. I turned back to Thomas and sniffed, his grin was so magnetic, "My dad's going to kill me if your dad doesn't first."

"They can suck my dick," Thomas replied and I felt giddy as he took my hand in his and we walked into the building, I've never been happier that we had all of our classes together, "Wanna get Starbucks after school? Seems like a good first date."

I nodded, "Yeah and I have to swing by the courthouse to legally change my name." I told him and he hummed to show he heard me, "Which one should I do first?"

"Ummm name first because that's more important," Thomas replied and smiled down at me, "I can't believe you're a girl. At least that means I'm not gay..." He trailed off and looked ahead, "I'm not sure how I feel about this stuff anymore." He admitted and I looked at him confused, "Because Lafayette is one of my closest friends and he's a great dude and he's gay so...so I don't know how I feel anymore. I think...I've just been wrong. I'm a terrible person."

"No, Tommy, no," I squeezed his hand, "That's just how you were raised. But you're looking beyond what you were taught to what you know is right so...so I think that makes you a good person, you're willing to admit you were wrong and to change." I said and Thomas chuckled.

We entered our Legal Writing class as Thomas mumbled, "You give me more credit then I deserve my dearest, Madison." I wanted to disagree but we just sat down and Thomas asked, "Where's Aaron?"