I Wanna Be Your Man

Foreword + Chapter 1

NEW FOREWORD, ADDED DEC 2023

In an alternate reality to our own - crafted by my dramatic-ass 13-year-old self - the story of the Fab Four deviates greatly from our world's canon...

Ages...unclear

Fame...inconsistent

Violence...Tarantino-ly common and extreme, instantly healed

Fainting...a daily guarantee

LGBTQ+ views...all over the place and historically inaccurate

Stu...alive and homosexual

Women...homicidal psycho horny bitches seemingly written by incels

Nurses and doctors...busy banging or whatever else instead of working

Drama...absolutely ridiculous and contrived

But most importantly,

John and Paul...extremely gay for one another

I'm so surprised to return to find this story, and to write this foreword years later (its beatlesboy24 instead of beatlesgirl24🫣). I've been dying laughing at all of your comments, so thank you for making my stupid writing sit so highly-viewed!

 To any new readers, enjoy!

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"Yeah." Paul smiled. "You're the most beautiful girl I've ever met."

He leaned in and kissed Susan gently on the lips. All of a sudden, she pushed him really hard. He fell backwards off of the couch they were sitting on.

"What was that for?" Paul's eyes were as wide as they could be. He was not expecting to be shoved away. He stared up in confusion at her.

Susan broke out in tears. "You know why, you jerk!" She got up and started to walk off.

"I honestly have no idea!" Paul yelled after her.

She turned back around and bent down, scowling. "I just heard about what you did to that poor little girl. You sick monster, I should turn you in to the police!" With that, she slapped him across the face as hard as she could, and stormed off.

Paul wasn't sure what to do. He was overwhelmed with many different emotions at once. He was confused, angry, astonished, and feeling terrible overall. He couldn't handle it. All of a sudden, he put his hands onto his face and started bawling.

"Paul?!" Came a voice from behind him. "Macca, are you ok?!"

Paul took his hands off his face and quickly wiped away the tears. He turned around and saw John standing there, looking very worried.

"Yeah, I'm alright." Paul sniffled.

"What happened?" He asked with curiousity.

"Susan just broke up with me. Something about me doing something terrible to a little girl. She was bloody mad!" Paul yelped.

John smirked for a second, and quickly hid it before Paul saw it. His face rested with accomplishment. He had done it. He had broken them up. Then, all of a sudden, John face tensed up. He looked at Paul's cheek and saw it was very red.

Paul saw John staring at the mark and continued talking. "She slapped me, hard. It isnt even that bad. I started crying because I'm a bloody baby."

John's face quickly turned to anger. "That little-"

Paul couldn't hear the rest of his sentence because John was already out the door and down the hallway of Paul's house.

Paul groaned. He didn't want John getting involved. He hated when John was overprotective of him. He was supposed to be his friend, not his dad.

He heard yelling outside, and then a scream. He jumped up and rushed outside. John was standing there looking completely enraged. Susan was running away as fast as she could. John spit at the ground, and then turned to Paul.

"Sorry about that." He said sheepishly.

"What happened?!" Paul yelled at him with anger. "What'd you do to her?!"

John looked scared. "Nothing! I swear! I didn't touch her."