The heart of an 'ex' lover!

his words!

He,the only guy, that actually cares about everything else but my body.
He,the only guy, that finds love too cliché but has discovered a pattern of showing me what love is without seeking for a payback. At least,that was what I thought!

Yes,nobody has it easy but his efforts made that line seem like bluff to me, like there is actually an easy bypass to emotions.

Yes, you complained that I was bossy,pessimistic,and brick to everyone else but you, well I guess that was because I loved you.

I risked it all for you,
I jumped into love with you,without coming to face the fact that you might not catch me, I think that is the point that hurts me the most.

I leaned on to your empty lines that claimed to love me in my old and worried times, I trusted you to be there when I had nothing and you left me confused,so what now, what do you want me to do now?....go and learn to love again?

It killed me how much time I put in most nights awake overwhelmed by you😠😠😠
With all the pretty lies you told me,
It surprised me how much I couldn't trust myself around you, because each time your lips flip open and the lies fly out, I Slip and fall again!

Missing you was hard because I really couldn't ever get rid of the memories we made in the times when we felt the world was ours!

But after you left, I got around to enjoying my own company and just when it reached you that I had moved on, you hit me with this, altering with my sanity,how dare you leave?

So what could it have been,what was it that chased you off so soon,why did you hang on for so long?

I really never understood why I held on to your lies and the hurt you put me through!

Could it have been because of lust?
Was it because of greed,was it that I didn't want to share your selfish ass with noone else?
Could it have been because of fear that I won't find anyone as good as you?
Was it because of despondency or the fear of being alone I didn't leave on time?
I guess I'm just stuck up, I am just used to being hurt, I thrive in pain,I just love being heartbroken and wrecked, that should explain the reason I let you back in the second and third time!

I wished you wanted me as much as I wanted you,
I still wonder what chased you off,
I know I'm a hopeless romantic, could that have been the reason you left,
Or was it because I loved you just too much?.....I read that if a man loves you don't be all up in his business with your love so he doesn't get emotionally lazy.....!
Its hard to leave when absolutely nothing's clear!

I gave you all the parts of me that made sense to me......I gave my joy,my hope, I even shared my love with you but while I chose you, you chose different!
Now I'm choking on the fumes of the one means of escape I learnt to numb the thoughts of you!

Yeah,the sky turned black as you left but I promise not to lose the heart of gold you met when you came!

The truth is that I lost part of myself in you and now all of you and that part of myself I lost, I no longer want back,because you were never deserving to me!

The pain didn't leave me until it was done teaching me and it was sure I had learnt!

To think that it worried me that you accused me for being too sensitive like that was a problem.... Lol....honey, thank you for leaving because you facilitated my growth and maturity and by tye time you would realise my worth I would be worth more!

The hardest part of the end is choosing whether to stay and hold on to nothing or leave(this here is the hardest,leaving) but I have chosen to leave and there is nothing holding me back......I just want you to know that I'd blossom and I would rise without you but still thank you for the lessons well learnt❤❤❤❤❤❤❤👏👏👏👏👏👏!