It's complicated.

It's complicated - Chapter 19

Flora p.o.v

I don't know what it is about this place, because I was so happy when I was here before, and now everything is turned upside down, I don't know why I came here, but I'm crying myself out for sure, this situation and extra hormones really don't bond well.

I actually wish I'd bought some tissues, I can't make sense of anything, I know how I got here, and it was our own carelessness at the end of the day, the word 'our' brings on a fresh load of tears, if it's our fault, why am I here alone ? 

I know I haven't told him yet, but I'm scared to, what Lauren said earlier comes back to me 'you know he's not like that' and It's true he's not, I know he would care, and leaving it will make it worse for everyone. 

I find my mind drifting onto things it never would normally, like how much I hate the way life works, why does the woman get pregnant, why is the man not involved in that too, I let my hand wander underneath my jumper every so often, it's weird to think that there's life in there, almost alien, I think back to when I watched that film alien and shudder, that was disgusting. 

I find myself getting upset again, I wouldn't even call it a mood swing, I mean they don't happen every ten minutes surely, I bury my head in my knee's tucking them up and hugging them like I did when I was a child, I rememver that too every time I got upset as a child, if I heard my parents argue, or something like that, I'd do this and block out the world. 

I don't even want to think about my parents, what my dad will say, do, to Harry, why am I worrying about Harry? everything I think about brings me in a vicious circle back to him, if this hadn't happened, would I have forgiven him by now? 

I'm soaking my knee's with tears, I wonder how much liquid I have left in my body after this past week but it seems to be lasting out, I suddenly hear the unmistakeable snap of twigs behind me, a foot step, I pause my crying, barely daring to breath, it was silly of me to come down here on my own. 

"Flora" The voice is unmistakable, something washes over me, what emotion? I can't single them out Happiness,Relief,Dread that I have to tell him. I'm still wearing his jumper.

"I didn't expect to see you here" I say without turning around. I hear more twigs snap. And he's next to me. 

"Can I sit here?" He asks, I missed his voice so much, his smell, his hair, him, but when I look at him, his eyes are puffy, probably like mine, he's definitely been crying. 

"Sure" I say, my voice is squeaky it breaks at the end of the word, he smiles, and it does seem genuine, I feel my heart tug, I missed his smile most of all. 

"I'm sorry about what happened, you've gotta know it was an accident, especially on my part" He says. 

"It's fine, honestly, I'm sorry too for ignoring all your calls" I whisper, trying to stop my voice from going all funny. He holds his arms out, it's cold anyway so I move up letting him cuddle me, while I bury my head in his shoulder, I breathe in his smell as he rests his head on mine, I don't know why but I start crying again, happiness, sadness, I don't know. 

"I have something to tell you" I say quietly. 

He looks at me eyebrow raised, he's smiling slightly, I dont' want to ruin the moment, with bad news, is it bad?, god I don't know. 

"I'm preg-"

"I know" He says before I can get the word out, I think I literally do a double take. 

"You what?" I say.

"I know" He says. 

"How?" I ask, I can't stop crying, it's actually annoying me now. 

"I kind of over heard" He says. 

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier, I just couldn't face it with everything that had happened" I say biting my lip as I look at him.

"It's okay, I don't expect you to face anything alone" He says softly, taking my hand gently. I stop the tears from forming this time,I move my body slightly to face him. 

"What are we going to do though?" I ask feeling my voice get all wobbly, I'm actually annoyed with this whole mad emotions lark.

"What do you mean what are we going to do?" He asks looking slightly miffed. Something about how relaxed and reassuring he is makes me feel better. 

"Well, I don't know, what about your career?" I ask frowning slightly.

"That's just my job, and obviously it's up to you, but this is a baby, this is our baby" He says squeezing my hand reassuringly. 

"I want to keep it" I say quietly. 

"Well that's what we're doing then" He says smiling a genuine happy smile, so I give one back. 

"I don't understand how you're so cool with this? I've been all over the place, like completely" I say, laughing slightly. 

"I wasn't so cool with it when I found out, but I saw your car and decided to calm down a bit before I came down here, and now, now I'm happy, and you can probably put that down to the hormones" He says, I nod smiling. 

"How are you warming to the idea of being a dad?" I laugh. 

"I don't mind y'know, I'd make a good daddy" He grins. 

"I think you would" I say. 

"What about you? yummy mummy? MILF?" He laughs, I grin, blushing. 

"Like I said, all over the place" I say playing with his fingers gently, his hands are so big , especially compared to mine. 

"Great, all the normal symptoms then?" He says. 

"Yep, Morning Sickness,mood swings,back ache, stomach ache,heartburn,boobs,being tired whatever you could think of, I've probably had it at some point in the last week." I say. 

"Boobs!?" He says grinning at me. 

"They got bigger..." I say. 

"Oooh?" He says. 

"And they really hurt, so no" I say. 

"Oh" He says nodding, but looking a little bit dissapointed anyway.

"What about Cravings?" He asks. 

"Definitely" I say. 

"What?" He asks. 

"Hm Ice-cream, Doritos, Cheese, Chocolate, Haribo, Sausages, Bacon, need I go on?" I ask. 

"Bump?"

"Yeah a bit, wanna see?" I ask standing up. He nods enthusiastically. 

I pull up the jumper revealing it, it's difficult from my angle to see without a mirror.

"I can see it" He says. 

"Weird right?" I say he nods reaching out, and touching it, his cold hand on my warm stomach sends goosebumps on me. 

"Sorry" He says quietly, I sit back down cuddling up against him. 

"I'm glad you came here, now I don't have to face everything alone" I say.

"I'd never have let you anyway" He says.