amer-doux l'amour • brallon [✔]

Chapter Eight- I Wanna Be Free

When Brendon had met Dallon, it was meant to be nothing more than a one night stand. But Dallon kept showing up everywhere, it seemed.
Brendon didn't hate Dallon at all. As a matter of fact he found Weekes to be a really nice guy, definitely someone he'd find himself being friends with.
But this isn't what Urie intended.
Brendon wasn't the best person when it came to keeping someone's word. But when it was someone he cared about, more than anything in the world, he held to his promises and wouldn't let them go. Not even once.

Brendon had promised to that one person, the one he cared about more than anything, that he'd never love anyone but them until the day he died.
But here Brendon was at 4 am, a crying mess, halfway through his second beer, utterly confused on what to do.
He would never break his word to that person. Even if he was completely head over heels falling for Dallon Weekes.
Brendon refused to let his feelings get the best of him this time. If he broke that promise, he wouldn't be able to let it go that he had lied.
Lied to someone he had loved those few years ago.
Brendon lifted the small folded polaroid photo up from the kitchen counter, unfolding it quickly and looking at it, careful not to get tears on it.
"I miss you... So much." He whispered, sobs here and there.
"Please come back... Please." Brendon held the photo close to his chest, rubbing his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt.
"Please..."

>>>>>
May 24th, 2008

The sun shone brilliantly and the virescent colour of the spring day under it's glare was offensively bright and cheerful. It was as if they conspired to show Brendon how the world would go on without him. It shouldn't. Everything should be as grey and foggy as his emotions, it should be cold and damp with silent air. But the birds still sang and the flowers still bloomed. Brendon walked through the churchyard like a silhouette of himself, wishing he really was as insubstantial as the shadows so that his insides might not feel so mangled. As Urie took a pew near the front the long held back tears began to flow. He was not ashamed. He loved Ryan. Now he was gone a light had been extinguished forever in Brendon's heart. He sat in his silent grief and awaited the start of the funeral service. He hated funerals. It wasn't fair.
Death wasn't fair. Brendon knew that. It snatched where it could, taking people who were far too young, far too good. It didn't pretend to care, it didn't pretend to distinguish. Death had hung over the world for a long time, always threatening. It had never touched Brendon Urie quite so close. Death had ripped away a part of him, the part of him that was most loved. 
Brendon hated funerals, but he hated this one more. People he'd only met once giving him pity, telling him they were 'sorry for his loss'. Yeah right. Like they knew Ryan like Brendon did.
"Would anyone like to speak on Ryan's behalf?"
Brendon stood up, making his way to the front, "Yeah I'll speak." He cleared his throat, "I just wanted to say I'm thankful for you all being here and-" Brendon stopped halfway through his lie of a thank, "You know what? Fuck that. Half of you disowned Ryan after he came out as gay. And now you grieve someone you said you could never love just because he wasn't like every other person in your family. The only people who actually care are Jon, Spencer and Me. I actually loved Ryan! I loved him more than anything and-"
Brendon's anger was quickly replaced with tears, "I miss him... So much. He was what kept me going and I don't know... I don't know what to do." He bursted out into heavy sobs.
Spencer stood up, walking over to Brendon and wrapping him in a hug.
Brendon Urie hated funerals. Especially the ones where no one cared.

Mostly everyone had left the funeral when Brendon finally approached the casket, putting his hand on the lid.
"Hey, Ry... I miss you." Brendon smiled weakly, "I really wish I could see you again. You know what'd I do? I'd hug you and never let go. I never- I never wanted to let go Ryan." Brendon wiped away tears, "Why couldn't you have held on for a little longer? You've always been such a fighter... Why not this time? It's not fair. It just isn't." Urie pressed his head to the casket.
"Remember how we met? In ninth grade? We were in the same music class and you started making fun of my guitar playing style. Said I looked like a rocker with all the headbanging."
Brendon sighed.
"Brendon?" Dallon tapped Brendon's shoulder and Urie woke up.
"Hmm? What? Is something wrong?" Brendon lifted his head from the counter, shaking his head.
"Nothing's wrong you were just... Talking in your sleep," Dallon explained. "Are you okay? You look like you've been crying."
"I'm fine."
"Are you sure-"
"I said I'm fine! Christ Dallon, don't you have someone else to bother?"  Brendon snapped, turning away from Dallon, tensing up as Dallon hugged him from behind.
"Sorry I bothered you. But as much you probably hate me, I'm here to talk."
Brendon nodded, "Thank you, Dallon."

"I wanna be free. I wanna be loved. I wanna be more than you bargained for."

A/N- Aye Dallon is a good friend

F r i e n d
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