You & I || h.s (ON HOLD FOR EXTREME EDITING)

eleven.

The entire drive back to Harry's place was uncomfortably silent. We didn't dare to speak after what happened and what's about to take placed. I was getting more anxious by the second and my hands were already sweating. I was finally going to know what Harry's been hiding from me and I'll understand. Hopefully. After this, things will go along more smoothly and it would be easier considering I'd understand. But it's not that's got me so shaken up. It's what Harry will tell me. It could be scary and harsh or rainbows and fluffy kittens but the topic at hand is more of the first option, sadly.

I've glanced over at Harry a few times before - his knuckles were white from gripping the wheel so hard ; he's staring straight ahead with his eyebrows furrowed and eyes narrowed ; his muscles are tense. Obviously, he's just as anxious about you-know-what.

When we arrive at his apartment none of us jump out of the car, ready to get this over with. Instead we both sit there with nothing but the truck's engine roaring. After an eternity of silence, Harry speaks first. "Are.. Are you absolutely sure you want to know?"

I respond with no hesitation. "Yes. Everything."

He sighs, gives a small nod, turns off the engine and climbs out. I reach to open my door but it swings opens. Harry holds out a hand and I blush immediately at the small gesture. These little things always have my heart racing with adoration. If only every boy in this fucked up world actually had a big enough heart, like Harry's. If only.

I grip onto it and make my way out of the monster truck. "Thank you." I whisper and duck my head so he doesn't notice as I'm as red as Rudolph's nose. He smirks a little and doesn't let go of my hand, only squeezing it tighter.

Once we're inside the apartment, the air has shifted and it feels like an elephant is on my shoulders. I walk over to the couch and sit, watching as Harry makes his way over. When he sits down, across from me, we don't say anything. We just stare at each other, having our own little conversation without words.

He breaks the silence. "Liv... If I tell you everything, you have to know that once it's said there is no going back. Ever. It's out there and it stays out there, okay?" I nod.

He takes a deep breath and begins. "Two years ago I moved here, to New York City, to start anew. Now, don't ask why just stay with me." I nod, waiting for him to continue.

"I had nothing with me - no money, plan, nothing. For months I've been living on the streets, trying to get a real job but you know how hard that is in the Big Apple. I finally got a job in a bakery and I really enjoyed it. I was getting small pay but it's better than nothing. I later found this apartment and my life was getting a little better.

"Well one day, I was out on my lunch break when these big ass guys basically bribed me into going with them. They promised good cash and I was in need of it so I went with it. Those guys were part of this gang called the Nevermore. They are one of the most dangerous and deadliest thugs in America. You know the pin you found on that man that attacked you?" I nod again. "Well the pin is Nevermore's symbol. The triangle and the circle. It supposedly is to represent greater power over the world but honestly it's just gay ass shapes.

"Anyway, when I found out who they were, I thought I was going to die right then and there. But I thought wrong. When those guys promised me cash, they literally meant it. Their boss, Richard, was fucking rich for selling illegal drugs and alcohol. That day, he made a deal with me. If I join them, I'd have to follow every rule they had and do what they say while getting paid big bucks. Richard thought I was better than all the other thugs because I was great with the public and can convince them into anything. He said I was a good liar and can make people do whatever I please. The point is that Richard wanted to use me to make more money for his 'business'. I wasn't proud of what they were going to make me do but you have to see that I was broke and I needed the money. So I signed up."

He hesitates next. "A year later, I met this girl. Her name was Lisa and she.. she was everything to me. Smart, pretty, funny.. everything you could ask for in a girl. What made her different was that she didn't have any insecurities. She was confident in everything she said and did. She didn't give a fuck what others thought of her and that, especially, made me fall in love with her. I loved her so much and she loved me back.

"My life was perfect at the time... until... until I told her about Nevermore. Things started to get out of hand and I didn't want her to get hurt or to leave me. So I told her. Big mistake. Richard had specifically told me to not tell anybody about this, not even my family or Lisa. So when I told her, she tried to help me with everything she could possibly do but Richard somehow found out about her.

"The day I told her about this shit was the day that Richard killed her. He literally showed up at my door and shot her on sight, then left without a word. I-I tried to save her. I called the police, the ambulance, anything b-but it was too late. She's gone and it's all my fucking fault, it still is! I don't even know how he knew I told her but God dammit, I miss her. I miss her so fucking much.

"After that day, I tried breaking the contract I made with Richard but he wouldn't have it. I was literally his 'property' and I couldn't do a thing about it. It's all because of me that got my life all shitty. It's because me I'm who I am today. And it's because of me that I got Lisa killed. Well not anymore. I'm never going to get anybody else murdered or slaughtered or whatever. Never again."

At this point I have tears streaming down my face, my heart in half, and my words speechless. Harry has his head down and I could swear he was crying too. His fists were tightened and his breathing was heavy. He sniffed and looked up at me with red eyes and a determined look.

"Never again." He repeats, his voice too deep and raspy. Suddenly, he leans closer and grasps both of my petite hands in his big ones. He looks me in the eye and says, "I am going to protect you, Liv. This day until the end of the world. I am going to protect you from Nevermore and Richard with everything I have. I promise."

I look down and reply with a small voice. "'Promise' is a small word with a lot of meaning."

He grips my chin with his thumb and index and brings my face up, making me look at him. His green eyes were dark, darker than usual. They're not red anymore and his tears are dried up. His face is made up of pure concern and determination it makes his words sound truthful.

"That's why I used it."

✿ ✿ ✿

Awe.

Okay guys, seriously? Over 100 reads on the book?! Wow. Just like Liv would always say...

"What the hell?"

Lol but really this is ama-zayn! (haha see what I did there no okay my lame attempts at a joke)

Now I hope you understand after what's been explained and told. If there is any confusion about it, do not be afraid to comment or message me about it I will gladly answer you back :) thanks again!

~ Eva May ~

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