City Of Stars; Dazai Osamu

05. Fools

I got in trouble. Again.

"Please, hand me those red lights." (Y/N) asked "And the star for the top."

I gave her what she was asking for and went back to holding the stairs, she was standing on, to not let her fall, while decorating the Christmas tree in her apartment

We've seen each other every day since that meeting in the park and I couldn't help, but feel nostalgic. 7 years ago, we've also spent Christmas together and I was the one, who helped her decorate the tree. Indeed, back then, it wasn't a great idea to invite a mafioso in her house, but she never really considered me as someone dangerous and it made me question if she remembered, what my profession used to be.

"I'm sorry for making you spend Christmas with me." She apologized, while putting the star toy on the top of the tree "But I couldn't decorate this tree any earlier so it was now-or-never, so to say."

"It's alright." I replied "I wasn't going to celebrate it anyway."

"WHAT???" She nearly shouted "How can you not celebrate Christmas? It's a wonderful holiday!!" (A/N: kinda weird to right this bc we don't really celebrate Christmas in my country XD we celebrate New Year mostly and Christmas is just to get drunk, basically)

"It's wonderful, when you have someone to celebrate it with." I replied "Nothing will ever be wonderful, if it's not shared."

"But you have people to share it with." She said "I remember, you told me, that you have friends in the Agency."

"Yeah, but...uh, it's difficult to explain." I sighed, rubbing the back of my neck "What about you? Why aren't you celebrating it with your friends? Or your boyfriend?"

Suddenly, she sighed and got down from the stairs until our eyes were on the same level.

"Dazai, I gotta tell you something..." She said "I don't have a boyfriend...I lied."

"I thought so~" I smiled softly "But why did you lie?"

"I didn't want you to know, that I'm actually the same as I was in the past." She shrugged her shoulders "A loser with no friends, who actually tries to make something of myself, what I am not."

I laughed softly, making her furrow her eyebrows in confusion

"Silly~ If there's a loser in this room, then it's me." I told her, patting her head

"Don't call yourself a loser!" She exclaimed

"I can't help it because I'm just stating the fact." I replied "I'm a former mafioso, suicidal maniac and an ugly man, both inside and out. You know it, (Y/N)."

She stayed silent for a minute, before answering:

"Dazai, do you remember how I often asked you to not meet me near my school after the lessons?" She suddenly asked

"I do." I answered "Why did you ask it all of a sudden?"

"I never really told you the reason though." She said "It was because I was jealous..."

I wasn't sure if it was because of those red lights on the tree or if it was just her, but her cheeks tinted with a light shade of pink

"After you met me there once, some of my classmates were constantly asking me about you and I got jealous because they were asking to meet you." She said

"Oh my~" I chuckled "I didn't expe-"

I wasn't able to finish my sentence as (Y/N)'s leg accidentally slipped off the stairs and she fell on me, bringing me down on the floor with her.

It happened in a blink of an eye and when, I opened my eyes again, (Y/N) was lying on me as our noses were touching. Her face was as red as a fresh tomato, but she didn't break the eye contact with me, nor that I was able to do it.

My heart skipped a bit

Her eyes kept staring into mine as I could feel her heartbeat against my chest. Her warm body, pressed to mine, made me feel how soft, gentle and warm she actually was. Her (h/c) hair was falling on my face, tickling my cheeks, but somehow, this sensation was very pleasant and made me want to brush some of the strands.

This was when our past crashed on top of me and made me remember those feelings, that I was trying to forge so hard

This accident made me remembered that night on Christmas Eve, when we were playing games and drinking some beer, that I had with me and then, when we both relaxed more with a little help of alcohol, we both decided to experience something, that was once unknown to us

Her breath on my cheeks made me remember how she stole my first kiss and now I knew, that I definitely got in trouble, that I couldn't escape

~~~

Guys, I just want to thank you all for all the support!!! Just know that you are the best and I love you!!

Also, I wanna thank you all bc my one shot and my Boats & Birds book won in two categories of the bsd wattys competition!!! I am just so happy, I cannot explain this!!