City Of Stars; Dazai Osamu

17. Cosmic Love

(Y/N) was lying peacefully on my chest with her head, pressed right against my heart, as my arms were wrapped around her waist in a tight grip. Her hair cascaded down her shoulders and spine and I couldn't resist the urge of playing with them a little. I couldn't feel the gentleness of her skin through her clothes, but feeling her warmth was more, than enough for me to feel a mind-blowing euphoria.

After a couple of passionate kisses, that we shared in the corridor, we stopped or it's better to say, I stopped it all because I could see where this all was going and (Y/N) clearly wasn't ready for it. She was pure. I didn't want her to lose it just because of a decisions, that were made on a hot head during such a kiss. Moreover, I still wasn't sure if I was the right person for her...

Anyway, we stopped and headed inside of her apartment, where she let me take a shower, while she dried my clothes. I was wet from head to toes, after all, and she didn't have any clothes of mine in her home. Luckily, it wasn't needed because once I was finished with washing, my pants and shirt were already dry and ready to be worn.

So now, we were just cuddling on the bed.

I still couldn't fully believe in what was happening. I was always craving for her touch and now I could finally have it as much as I wanted. I could feel her hand on mine, I could smell her hair and brush it, I could kiss her for as long as I wanted to - everything was just how I was dreaming about it. I finally had her in my arms.

"I wish, we could do this earlier~" (Y/N) murmured sleepily against my chest

"Do what?" I asked, blinking

"Cuddle. I had no idea, that it is so pleasant~" She answered, blushing "I have never cuddled with a man before..."

"Well, I'm your match then~" I said "I have never cuddled with anyone before too."

She lifted her head and looked at me with a face, full of shock

"You have never cuddled with anyone?" She asked as her eyes widened "B-But you flirted with a lot of women before! And so many of them like you...how could you never have such a moment with anyone?"

"My darling, you see..." I started, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear "I was never in love with anyone, except for you. All other women were basically some kind of testers for me. I was simply curious about intimacy and plus, I was trying to get lost in anything, that could stop me from thinking too much about everything. So even after I slept with them, I never got anything, that was at least closely related to love. I was used just as they were."

"Oh...I'm sorry for asking..." She replied as her eyes somehow had a tint of heavy sadness in them

"Don't think about it now~" I smiled "It's in the past after all~ Let's not talk about it now~"

"I won't, I promise." She answered, moving closer to me "Remember, what I promised you once, when we were teens?"

"My love, we both have made quite a lot of promises to each other throughout all these years~" I reminded her

"I meant, the one, when I swore, that I will never push you to tell me everything. Tell me if you feel uncomfortable by what I say, alright?"

Suddenly, my heart starting to beat faster.

"Alright~" I answered, before enjoying the taste of her lips, which she pressed closely to mine

I got hit by a wave of something utterly unknown to me before: care and comfort.

I'll be honest. I had no idea what these two things were, before this moment. How could I even know it? During the days, when I was in the mafia, when I was "taken care" by Mori? Or when I escaped and didn't have anyone to talk to for days? Or when I wasn't sure if I was going to leave till the next day and I could only be sure in the neon light, coming from the liquor store in front of one of the motels, I was staying in, simply because it was my only present.

But now, I had (Y/N) and she was nearly the walking definition of those two words. To be honest, when I was kissing her just now, I felt like I was kissing sunshine itself. I knew, that she wasn't blindly positive or completely happy like other people, who are usually compared to the sunshine, are, but she was much better than the rest.

And I knew, that with her by my side, it wouldn't take much time for me to get used to such gentle feelings.

"I love you so much, (Y/N)~" I said after she pulled back

"I love you too~" She replied "And from now on, everything's going to be alright~"

Smiling at her, one thought lurked in my head...

I hope, that you can see me now, Odasaku....

~~~

Don't forget to vote or comment :3

Just a little fluff chap I needed :3 I just didn't have the best week tbh.

Starting from the Valentine's Day, when I never feel happy and ending with Thursday. Idk, on the next day after it, I just kinda got slapped on the face after all those happy couples and love confessions I saw. I mean, I'm usually quite comfortable with the way I am now because I have enough time for writing and anime/manga/etc so that I don't even notice how lonely I am. Basically, I'm just trying not to notice it. But on Valentine's Day, I can't run away from it and I get to feel all of it at once.

I just have only one amazing friend, but she's an online one so we don't get to see each other. Other than that, I never had and don't have any friends (because of multiple reasons) at all and of course, I was never loved or at least liked by someone.

I'm not looking for a relationship right now, but...it's just that when you're completely alone, there are moments, when you simply want to feel someone's warmth...or when you want to touch someone's skin and feel like you matter. I've never craved anything like simply someone's touch.

I have an amazing friend, my dog-friend and my family, whom I love, but sometimes, I just wish, I got to actually celebrate this day and not just stick to drawing fictional characters...

Sorry for this, I just need to let it out.

Here's my drawing btw :)

(Yes, I know, that I've said once that I don't like bnha but well....I gave it a 2nd try and now, I'm obsessed XD)