City Of Stars; Dazai Osamu

07. SPRING; Her

A/N: I know, that it would be a little weird to read this in winter, but this is how the story goes XD just imagine it all~

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So much has happened in the past few months. People came and left, somebody died, somebody was born and etc. Leaves, that were gone not long ago, have already bloomed beautifully again and now, instead of watching snowflakes fall outside of the window at the ADA, I was watching the green leaves, tremble with the blow of a wind. Everything changes...

Except for her.

So many things happened in the past few months, but (Y/N) stayed the same, untouched, still. Like usually, we would meet from time to time in the cafes, parks or at each other's apartments. We got closer after that Christmas evening, when I was helping her with decorations. I'm not really sure, what truly happened back then, but whatever it was, it definitely helped us walk over the barrier of strangers and ex-friends and become best friends all over again.

(Y/N) became a very big part of my life throughout this time. Once, we got fully comfortable around each other, she opened up just like 7 years ago and to be honest...so did I. It's very unlike me, though, but (Y/N) is truly someone, who understands me just like Oda did. In some sense, she replaced him (but not completely, of course). Growing up, she became a lot more mature and thoughtful, than how I remembered her. She wasn't reckless and hot-headed, but instead, she became more understanding, sensitive to others and most importantly, wiser. I don't know, what she has been through, but this something has definitely helped her gain knowledge. I only hope, that it wasn't something tragical.

"While my family and I were living in Manchester, my life wasn't very easy to be honest." She once said, while we were walking to her apartment "Let's just say, that I want this past of mine to stay in the past."

"You're speaking as if you were a Mafia member like me." I joked

"Luckily or not, but you're wrong." She answered "But if you ask me, I would prefer this, than what happened."

Ever since that talk, I was trying to find out what exactly has happened, but I wasn't able to. After a few tries, I understood, that she wasn't ready to talk about it and the best I could do was give her some time.

I decided, that if needed, I will be waiting for centuries for her.

And this decision terrifies me. Falling in love terrifies me.

It's inevitable, especially since it has already happened. I find myself thinking about her, whenever I want to, whenever I try not to, whenever I try, thinking of someone else or etc. No matter what, my mind and heart always lead me back to her.

Her...even, when I hear this word, I no longer associate it with somebody imaginary or with a certain image, but I associate it with (Y/N) only.

This is why I'm scared. I'm scared, that if I let myself fall again, I will lose everything. I don't want to repeat the story. I don't want to get drunk to the point, when I blacked out. I don't want to spend nights who knows where with who knows whom. I don't want to do these disgusting things just to forget the pain and the choking feeling in my chest from losing everything, that was dear to me.

I don't want to live it all over again.

That's why it's easier to stay distant. That's why it would be easier for me to just stay friends and this love-like feeling might pass in a couple of weeks, if I don't let it grow.

This was what I used to be telling myself after that Christmas night.

But now, it's April and I still find myself thinking about how gorgeous she looks in those white blouse and blue skirt of hers as her hair gets a little messy because of the wind.

No matter how hard I try to stop myself from thinking like that, I can't deny myself in those guilty pleasures. It's unbelievable a little. I was only in love once and that was (Y/N) as well. I'm not sure if I should consider these feelings as the new ones or the well-forgotten ones. It's fairly surprising, how I, Dazai Osamu, who's famous for being flirtatious and change women every week, was always in love with only one woman and needless to say, how easily I was effected by her.

That's how things were. (Y/N) filled my head and life as quickly as she did it in the past and although, I still wasn't ready to accept the fact, that I was in love again, I couldn't say, that things went badly.

Not at all. Everything was fine, until today's morning.

While pretending to be writing my report today, I got an oh-not-so-happy message from (Y/N):

"Come as soon as possible. It's urgent. I need you."

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Don't forget to vote or comment :3

Author-chan has been feeling too lonely recently :C I only have online friends and I don't talk to them as much as I did bc everyone has real life, while I'm here. I'm not even able to find more real people my age to be friends with due to some circumstances. I'm not blaming my friends in any way, but yknow, when you don't as much as you did, you get mor distant to them and I feel guilty :C

But good news! I finally got some medication from my insomnia and the feeling of stress and anxiety :) They make me feel dizzy a little, but it's for the better!