City Of Stars; Dazai Osamu

22. Heaven

Warning: this chapter contains mature content

"What do you mean by "I have to leave for 2 months"? You can't be serious..."

I looked at (Y/N) with the eyes of a dog, that was kicked out on the street, when there was a blizzard outside. My hands dropped lifelessly as I was pleading her with my gaze to laugh softly with her gorgeous voice and then say, that it was just a bad joke and she's not going anyway and staying with me as always.

But this didn't happen.

Her silence only confirmed how serious she was about it. Yozo, who I got rather close to in the past 3 weeks, started whimpering, while looking at (Y/N) and I was rather thankful to him at that moment because he was making noises, that I also wished I could do. I wished I could whimper as well and show my true emotions so simply and freely, but instead, I was stuck with the paralysis and lost my voice.

"Sorry..." (Y/N) whispered, coming closer to me "One famous journal agency proposed me a temporary work in it, which is a really good opportunity, but...I'll have to go Korea for this and stay there for 2 months. I'll return back here after that, but...if you won't be able to hang in here without me all this time, I can contact them again and refuse..."

"No." I blurted out immediately, getting my composure back "Don't do this. It means a lot to you, doesn't it? I'll be the most horrible person if I make you stay because of me. Don't even think about staying, okay? I'll be fine. Plus, 2 months is not that long, right?"

I smiled softly at her, trying to prove her and myself, that everything will be alright, that 2 months will fly like one day, that distance relationship will work out just like the regular one, and as always, I was pretty good at lying to myself and believing my own lies so I took those sad thoughts and threw them far into my mind. I'll find them later

(Y/N) smiled in return and wrapped her hands around me in a warm embrace and I wrapped mine around her slim waist as well, before kissing her forehead

"We still have one week, before I'll have to go." She said

"Let's enjoy it to the fullest then~" I suggested "And we can start from today~"

"Well..." She started, blushing slightly "There is actually one thing, that I wanted to ask you about..."

"What's that, darling~?" I asked

She lifted her head up, looking me directly in the eyes, before whispering:

"Dazai...I want to have my first time with you, before I go away..."

My eyes widened from shock at her as I was trying to understand what she just said.

"What do you mean by that?" I asked her as if I didn't know it already

"I-I want you to take my virginity..." She whispered shyly, before blushing even more "We've been together for such a long time already and we're even living already, yet I still wasn't ready to do it till now... and you were respecting my decision all this time...But I really want it now, Dazai...I want you to become my first everything: first kiss, first boyfriend and my first time..."

"But, (Y/N)..." I started, remembering all my fears and flaws "Are you sure, that I'm the right choice for this? I mean, I'm...filthy in every sense of this word. I'm a horrible man and I'm afraid, that after doing this, I'll drag you off to the sinful hell, that I'll most likely go to after my death..."