City Of Stars; Dazai Osamu

20. Care A Little

"Boring." I sighed, turning away from the computer screen and rolling back on my chair to stretch a little

I hated days, when there were no cases in the ADA because on these days, Kunikida made us do nothing, but paper work, what was extremely boring. I couldn't even ask someone to do it because everyone else was body as well. And there were 4 more hours to go, before I could go home and fall into (Y/N)'s arms...

However, I'm not sure why, but the small thing inside of me told me, that I needed to work harder. I actually knew what it was, but it was a) too early to think about such things and b) it was very unlike me.

The thing is that this was the desire of becoming a better man for (Y/N) so that later, I can be a good husband. Thinking about such a happy future was my guilty pleasure, that was a little too embarrassing to admit even to my own self because it's impossible for Dazai Osamu to be a sweet family man, simply because of my past, which was following me no matter what like a loyal dog.

Although, I would like to become such a man.

"Oi, Dazai!" A familiar voice shouted from across the room "Stop slacking and go back to work!"

"Calm down, Kunikida~" I said "I was just stretching my sore muscles after long hours of work~"

"Don't lie! You were mostly daydreaming!" He shouted again

"Just a little bit~" I admitted, smirking "But thoughts about my dear girlfriend make me happy~"

"Oh, so you were serious, when you said, that you started dating?" Tanizaki asked out of curiosity

"Of course~" I replied "What's so surprising~? I just haven't told you all much about her~"

It was true. After that day, when I rushed to (Y/N)'s home to kiss her, like I thought, "for the last time", I announced happily to them, that I was officially taken. Of course, I couldn't avoid answering some of the questions like "Who is she?" or "How did you met?" and etc, but I didn't want to tell them all the details.

In my opinion, relationship should be like an iceberg: only 10% should be shown the others, while all 90% should be kept between the couple. As funny as it might sound from such a person like me, but cheap romance doesn't attract me a single bit, but, on the opposite, disgusts.

"Well..." Tanizaki started, rubbing the back of his head "It's just surprising, that you're still in a relationship. I-I mean, you used to flirt with all the waitresses in the cafe downstairs and all."

"Tanizaki, don't say so." Naomi told him, frowning slightly "It's bad to say such things."

"Naomi, it's fine." I brushed it off, stopping her from scolding her brother "And as to what Tanizaki said, then yes, I'm still in a relationship and I'm not planning on breaking up with (Y/N) at all~ I'm actually happy~"

Actually, I was lying a little. It wasn't fine to say such things, no matter who, the person who spoke, was. First of all, this is my relationship, that shouldn't involve others and second of all, it doesn't matter what I did, when I was single. Plus, I was just fooling around with those waitresses. They're not good enough to even touch (Y/N)'s feet, not taking about the rest.

"Tanizaki, Naomi is right." Yosano agreed with his sister "It's bad to talk like this, although I can understand your interest~ After all, Dazai's so secretive about this~"

For once, my coworkers, who I treated like friends or even family, started to make me want to end this conversation as soon as possible because it made me feel uncomfortable.

"Why are you all so interested in it?" I finally asked "This is my private life."

"Still~" Yosano cooed "It's just like gossips, you know~? It's not related to you, but you're curious about it~ Plus, you and (Y/N) are so different~ It makes things even more interesting~"

Different?

It's funny, how the room suddenly got so much more colder, although it wasn't even cool outside. Things also turned grey and the colors, that were left for some reason, annoyed me just as when I was buried under my depression.

I hoped, that this was already long-forgotten, what was foolish of me. Such things should never be forgotten and that autumn simply reminded me about it.

(Y/N) was indeed very different from me.

She was bright, ambitious, kind, pure, extraordinary and beautiful. On the other hand, I was covered with blood and dark secrets from head to toes, I couldn't have any ambitions for my only need was to stay quiet to not let the world find out about the ex-mafia member, who was freely walking around Yokohama. I was anything, but pure. (Y/N) was so...unspoiled so that every time, I touched her, I felt like I was covering her purity with my own dirt.

That's why we haven't done "it" yet. I was so worried about taking her down to hell to burn with me so that I never felt sure about doing it, although I craved her with every bits of my body, but she herself wasn't ready for it and my respect to her was much stronger, than anything

Respect, perhaps, is the most important thing in a relationship because if you respect your loved one, you wouldn't want to hurt them in any way.

Did I deserve a respect from her?

"You all should go back to work NOW!" Kunikida shouted angrily again "Less talks, more work. Especially you two, Tanizaki and Yosano."

For once, I was glad, that Kunikida shouted at us.

~~~

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I got an unexpected holidays because of the weather. It's been snowing really badly and the school was cancelled^^

Also it's story time!

So I was walking with my dog and my mom yesterday and we needed to cross the street, but to do it, we had to cross like 1m snowdrift and there was no way to avoid it. So, I started walking through it first to see if they will be able to go too (my dog btw is Maltese so he's rlly rlly small and obviously, he can't walk through all that snow), but omg my brace boy rushed after me because he was worried and although he's rlly small, he ran through all that snow just to "save" me😭😭😭💘 this was the cutest thing ever💘

This is my brave friend btw^^