City Of Stars; Dazai Osamu

10. Thunder

After (Y/N) and I talked for a while on the day, when she told me all the truth about her parents, she made a decision to just wait for now. It was the best option out of all in my opinion because we couldn't know for sure if her dad even came to Yokohama because of her and her mom since (luckily) he hasn't visited them. He could come here because of business or something else, after all. But if he will come for them, (Y/N) decided, that she will not hesitate to sue him for domestic abuse (A/N: guys, ydk how much I was reading about this and if it's possible to sue someone in such situation). To be honest, I don't think, that it will be as easy as she thinks, even if she hates him, but he deserved it and I'm on her side until the end.

3 days have passed since that day and everything was quiet.

April days are just following each other like usual as if they were tied to each other. I didn't notice the dates, that changed one another though. I came home really late at night after work or sometimes after seeing (Y/N) and just went straight to bed. I even managed to get a proper amount of sleep a couple of times, what is very unlike me. I suffer from chronic insomnia usually and sleeping in general was a rare thing for me, but seems that when (Y/N) walked into my life, things got better. A lot better

I hope, that Odasaku can see me now from above...I hope, that he knows, that I'm living a somewhat normal life now and I'm still following his advice.

Also, I wish, he could know one thing about myself...

I started writing.

Yes, you heard me right. I started writing stories just like he did once. I'm not doing it to copy him or anything, I'm simply doing it for fun and because I feel like doing it. Actually, (Y/N) inspired me start doing it. Unintentionally though, but she's the reason why I'm doing it. Recently, I caught myself thinking, that my thoughts are too messy, when I'm thinking about her, and I needed to organize them so I started to writing some things out and I liked it. I started with describing my feelings for her, which never seemed to be enough and after each phrase, I always felt like I still had too much left in me so I continued and continued and eventually, it turned out to be a rather nice story for an amateur writer.

Later, I started writing somewhat autobiographical things. I was describing my childhood as if it was told by one of my characters and some other of my memories. I was also writing about some things from life, which happened recently and which were interesting enough to actually be written about.

I doubt, that I will ever publish these stories, but I still continued and still continued doing that. I feel better from that and that's the most important. Nevertheless, I would prefer for it to stay my secret. I will be secretive about it even more, than I am about being an ex-mafioso because it's the most personal thing I have so far and the only person, that I will maybe, perhaps, might, perchance show it to is (Y/N)....but it will happen in a distant future.

For now, I'm just focused on writing from to time, working (or pretending to) and most importantly, spend time with (Y/N).

Speaking about her...

I realized some things.

She woke up the better part of me in myself. I'm in love again and I'm not even afraid to admit it to myself. (Y/N) is like a thunder on the early days of spring: she comes in suddenly, when no one's expecting that and then she leaves such consequences as turning your life upside down and changing you completely. I even catch myself thinking, that she smells like spring too, more exactly, like April. It's hard to explain, but...it's just the way she is.

I'm just thinking...she seems to be close to me and she seems to love my company as well. She says, that she's very happy to have a friend like me in her life and she often blushes from some of my words or actions.

I just thought....that maybe this girl, who smells like April, can have the same feelings to me, the boy, who's forever left in September?

~~~

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Omg I watched the end of the f***ing world and I LOVED it ❤️ it's one of my favs now