City Of Stars; Dazai Osamu

09. I Found

(Y/N) didn't seem to want to move away from me so I let her stay like this for as long as she wanted to. I wouldn't mind if she continued hugging me till the end of the world so why not let her? Especially because she needed someone to hold on to in this period of her life

Her crying stopped after a while, but I could feel how her eyelashes were still wet from tears as she nuzzled more into my neck. Silence hugged both of us and we lost a track of time while hugging each other, but none of us cared about such a small thing.

She's so fragile and small. Her frame in my arms looked so vulnerable and it made my heart beat faster. It felt as if my heart wasn't beating and was covered with a thick layer of dust before we met again, but now, she made it start working again and I'm both, surprised and slightly worried because of this like all human beings are, when something new appears in their lives. I knew, that I would probably end up getting hurt by this love, but for once, I was seeking for that pain. I wanted it in return to the precious moments like this one.

She was making me discover the deepest desires in myself, that I was always trying to hide and ignore...indeed, a special woman

"Dazai..." She said, taking a deep breath of my smell, before pulling back a little and wiping her tears away "I'm so sorry, that you had to see my ugly sobbing and hear all this drama."

"(Y/N), it's alright." I said softly "It's honestly normal to cry and let all the pain out, when it's troubling you."

"Can I ask you something then?" She asked suddenly

"Sure." I nodded

"If it's alright to let it all out, why don't you ever cry your pain out too?"

My eyes widened at the suddenness of her question.

She looked me directly in the eyes with nothing, but a simple curiosity and concern inside of them, but that gaze of her made me breathless. My mind went blank in an attempt to come with an excuse and a way to avoid answering this question. It's not like I didn't want to share it with her, it was just that... I wasn't ready to let myself get a little bit of sympathy.

"(Y/N)...you know, that it's complicated." I finally answered

"It's not, Dazai." She protested, moving closer to me "It is only complicated to you. But the truth is that you're just afraid of being called "weak" so that you just choose to lock everything inside of you. I just want you to know, that if you ever need someone to talk to....I'm here, okay? Remember that."

"I promise, I will, (Y/N)...." I answered quietly, still being fairly shocked "I will..."

She smiled softly at me, before leaning down to my cheek and giving it a soft kiss for the second time and a warm feeling from the realization, that (Y/N) cares about me wholeheartedly, filled me.

I was about to tell her, that I was thankful for her care and saying this out loud, but she interrupted me with nuzzling into my neck again.

"I probably shouldn't do it this often..." She mumbled

"Why not?" I asked, wrapping my hand around your shoulder again and caressing the soft skin on her arm

"Because hugs like this are usually meant for people, who are dating..." She answered quietly and even though, I couldn't see her face in that moment, I could tell that she was blushing

I couldn't help, but chuckle

"Does it even matter now?" I said "We both need it now so why not? You're my closest friend, (Y/N). If you can't hug me, then I don't know who can."

"Thank you again, Dazai." She smiled softly in my skin "But did you say, that we both need it now? Why do you need it?"

"Well.." I started "You need it because of all the troubles, that you are going though and I need it simply because I've been alone for too long... I need your warmth."

She smiled wider and hugged me tighter, falling asleep in my arms an hour later.

~~~

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GUESS WHO'S BACK FROM THE TRIP!!

I'm so sorry for not updating, but heyy I'm back now and I'm ready for writing :3 I'm still a little dead after a 11hr and 2hr flights and then a 6hr road back to my city yesterday, though

I just hope, that you enjoyed this chap bc I'm a little unsure about it tbh