City Of Stars; Dazai Osamu

08. I Need U

I rushed to (Y/N)'s apartment as soon as possible as a horrifying worrying filled my whole body and not knowing what happened was only making it worse.

When I was finally on her doorstep, I didn't even manage to catch my own breath, before pressing the doorbell. The door opened immediately and the first thing I saw was (Y/N)'s top of the head, pressed to my chest as her small, gentle arms wrapped tightly around my waist. I even blushed slightly, but I couldn't focus on this pleasant and warm feeling for a long time because I heard some weeping, coming from her, as well as something wet on my shirt.

"(Y/N)...?" I said, being slightly surprised

"I-I'm so sorry for calling you all of a sudden...." She apologized, without stopping crying "S-Something has happened...and I have no one to call, except for you..."

Finally, I coped with the shock and wrapped my arms around her in a gentle embrace and even dared to brush her hair.

This was so not like her. Throughout all the time I knew her, there was just one time, when I saw her cry and this was 7 years ago, when her dog died, but it's a little different from now.

It's her true self. Right now, she's not trying to seem strong, independent or complicated, she's just opened and vulnerable. Grabbing onto my coat and probably crumbling it, while crying out everything single worrying-like emotion, she has felt before I came - I can feel, how much she needs me like a child needs love and care, although I'm still not sure what type of love she wants.

Whatever type she wants, I can't help, but promise to myself, that I will give her anything I have, all the love and care and happiness, that I am possible to give because while she's holding onto me so tightly as if the world is going to disappear, if she lets go of me, I can't help, but feel a strong desire to protect her.

Finally, she raised her head to look me in the eyes and my heart skipped a beat

"E-Everything is falling apart, Dazai..." She said quietly, while tears kept rolling down her tears "Everything I loved is sipping from my hands like a sand...and I can't keep it."

I could feel my knees getting weak at that look of hers. All my doubts, fears and unsureness of wether I am allowed to love her or not vanished completely. I have already broken a lot of rules in my life. Plus, I'm the bad guy here so maybe, I can allow myself to be a little bit egoistic and love her with all my rotten heart, even if she would never love me back.

"(Y/N), listen to me." I started, surprising myself with how confident I sounded "Breathe. No matter, how bad the things are right now, it will pass. You know, how I make myself keep going? I start to think like this: "in 1 month, this problem will disappear". Or maybe: "in 3 months, I will feel better" and etc. what I mean is that, I remind myself, that whatever problem I have, it's temporary. I don't always listen to myself though....but as you can see, this method works since I'm still alive. So just breathe now, (Y/N)."

Her tears finally stopped and a soft smile even showed up on her face.

"Thank you, Osamu."

Suddenly, she stepped on her toes and pressed her lips to my cheeks in a quick, but gentle and kiss and I (!) felt my cheeks cover in blush a little bit. I swear, this young woman is gonna be the death of me.

"Now, shall we go inside?" She asked as if nothing happened, while I was still stunned from what she has just done

***

"So what happened?" I asked, when we were finally sitting on the ouch in her living room, while (Y/N) was drinking the green tea, that I made her to help her relax a little

She sighed heavily, before sighing

"Remember what I told you about missing Japan, while we were living in Manchester, and that I moved back here because of that and now, had lots of friends?" She asked

I nodded silently, waiting for her to continue

"It's a lie, but I wasn't ready to tell you the truth back then." She said "Well, first of all, I have no friends, except for you so you are literally the only one, who I can turn to...and second of all, I didn't move her because of my love to Japan..."

She took a sip of her tea, before continuing.

"You see," She spoke again "My dad is...a rather strict man. Although, he has always loved my mom, he just couldn't help, but get irritated at some things. My mom....she has developed sclerosis 2 years, before we moved. First, she was only forgetting some small things and some events, but then, it got worse. She started forgetting some simple things and even what town, she was living in and we had to remind her every time and my dad started getting irritated at her questions and behavior. He was even ashamed to tell anyone about her disorder and that's why I started despising him. Soon after that, things got even worse. I found out about that later, but my dad turned out to..."

Suddenly, a single tear rolled down her cheeks again and I couldn't handle the look on her face anymore so I moved closer and hugged her by her shoulders.

"My dad turned out to be beating her, when he got annoyed..." (Y/N) finally continued "He was doing it every day, when I wasn't around to help her...And it made her state so much worse. She was then, forgetting our relatives, except for me, and she even didn't recognize my dad sometimes...And doctors couldn't find out the reason of such a worsening because they didn't knew about this..."

(Y/N) put the cup away and hugged me tightly again as I was stroking her back, being completely speechless

"I found that out by an accident, when I called my dad and heard him screaming at my mom and her, yelping from pain, when he didn't turn off his phone after my call." She said "Once I knew that, I packed all our things and came back here with my mom. I was sure, that my dad wouldn't even try to find us, but he came here for us, Dazai, and I'm so terribly scared and lost..."

She started crying again and I could only hug her tighter

"(Y/N)..." I started, realizing, that I actually had no idea what to say "I had no idea, that you're going through all this..."

"That day, when I left you in the cafe so abruptly..." She started "was because I saw my dad, walking down the street out of the cafe window..."

Her crying got worse and I kissed her forehead

"I don't think, that this will help you, (Y/N), but I can promise you something..." I started "Whatever happens, I'll go through this with you. I know, it's rather cheesy or old fashioned to say this, but you can believe me. You're my first love...and the only love, I ever had, actually. (Y/N), you will forever be special to me and if I don't stay with you until all these troubles will go away, then...I won't ever forgive myself."

I felt her lips, forming into a smile, when she nuzzled into my neck.

"Ah, Osamu..." She sighed, inhaling the smell of my cologne "What have I done to deserve you in my life?"

~~~

Don't forget to vote or comment c:

Btw, if someone is interested about where I got that idea about sclerosis, them it's from my life. Luckily, everything's alright with my parents, but my great grandparents are in this situation. My great grandma has this disease and she literally doesn't recognize anyone, except for my dad and my grandma anymore and my great grandpa became a domestic abuser because of irritation of her behavior :/ oh no one ever moved anywhere though, it's my imagination