City Of Stars; Dazai Osamu

15. Again

It's been about a week since I saw (Y/N) and our last meeting didn't end on a happy note. She was too busy with the process in court and with the attorney, Kim Jung-Hoon, who seemed to have taken all of her mind, leaving no place for me in it. I, also, was busy with work because for once, I was really working. I found myself, getting distracted from the thoughts about (Y/N) and the melancholy, that has once consumed me, and now, seemed to be coming back. Therefore, to Kunikida's shock and delight, I started doing everything I was supposed to do long ago.

I was trying to at least, contact (Y/N) through messages or by calling her, but once again, she was too busy so I just stopped doing it. Why doing it if she clearly wasn't interested in me anymore? I remember, I read somewhere, that you should always let people go at the right moment even if you want to stay with them forever. Perhaps, it was what I should do now. After all, it's not the first time when I'm doing this, right? I've lost count on how much people and things I've lost because of how incomplete and worthless I was.

I've lost her once already, when we were teens, and I wasn't supposed to meet her again. It was just an accident. Everything was an accident. Our first meeting, our friendship, my crush on her, our first kiss, our second meeting, my love - everything was only an accident, that shouldn't have happened.

"Dazai-san, are you alright?" Atsushi suddenly asked me

I flinched slightly, "waking up" from my thoughts, before smiling at the boy

"Of course, I am, Atsushi-kun~" I answered "Why would you ask me about it?"

"Well...because, you seem upset." He replied, hesitating a little "And...how do I say it...you're working."

"He's right, Dazai." Kunikida suddenly agreed with Atsushi, making my eyes widen "I wanted to ask you about it long ago. It's weird for you to suddenly, start doing all your work and finishing your reports on time, without me, having to scream at you."

"I just decided, that it's time for me to grow up and work like any other adult~" I replied, cheerfully "I don't see any problem here~"

"Is there something, that's bothering you?" Atsushi asked me with the sincere worrying in his voice

"Trust me, I'm alright~" I repeated again, starting to get a little annoyed by their interrogation

I knew, that they were just truly worried about me, but I was used to cope with everything on my own and I wasn't ready for it to change.

I went back to typing a report, hoping, that our conversation was finished already, but sadly, I was wrong.

"Dazai." Kunikida said strictly, sitting on the chair next to me "I'm not going to start a long, inspiring speech now because you know, that I'm not the right person to do it. I just want to let you know from the face of the whole Agency, that we know that you've had and still have quite a difficult life. You can trust us if needed."

I didn't answer anything and just continued typing.

I simply had nothing to say. I never expected anyone else, except for Odasaku to care about me or say something like this, especially Kunikida. Usually, he only communicated with me through screaming and now, he was sincerely concerned about me.

Can't this be...that they weren't only angry or annoyed, whenever I tried to commit suicide, but also...worried?

Kunikida sighed at my silence, before standing up and going back to his work and so did Atsushi, leaving me alone to comprehend everything, that's just happened.

I sighed too, looking away from the computer screen and out of the window at the tree branches, which were blooming beautifully. I remember time, when the leaves were much greener, than they were now...or even a couple of times.

I have already turned 17, when (Y/N) was still 15. We were sitting in the park under the trees, which were blooming just like they did now. She was wearing my jacket over her shoulders because she didn't bring hers that day, yet the evening wind was quite cold so I lent her mine.

"Why do you have so many bandages?" She asked me all of a sudden "You never told me this before."

"Mafia world is harsh, that's why." I answered "I have a lot of scars from many trainings with my mentor, missions, punishments and also, self harm. I'm not wearing them for fashion, if that's what you were thinking."

"Oh no, I wasn't at all!" She protested, before her sight softened and saddened "I wish, people like you didn't have to suffer so much...you don't deserve it, Dazai."

She sighed and rested her head on my shoulder, making me blush slightly

"(Y/N), it's just the way this life is." I explained "Some people are just more lucky, than others."

"It's stupid..." She replied quietly, before exclaiming "Oh I have an idea! We can run away together~ We can hide from all this pain and suffering and start a new life. Just you and me and no one else. Wouldn't it be nice, Dazai?"

"Of course, it would be." I chuckled "I wish, we could really do it."

"Why can't we?"

"Because if we do, you will be in danger. I will be wanted by the mafia and the police and mafia could try getting me through capturing your family."

She sighed again, lifting her head and looking me directly in the eyes

"You're right, I guess." She said "Then can I kiss you, at least...? I-I mean, like how we did it that time, when you brought beer and we got and drunk...you know."

Her cheeks were burning by the time, she finished her sentence and being a regular teen, who fell in love for the first time, I was blushing madly too, but it didn't stop me  from nodding shyly in agreement.

Her lips pressed gently to mine in an unsure, shy, sweet, yet mind-blowing kiss, that could become a definition to the words "first love". Nothing mattered in that moment. When our lips were pressed together, we weren't there in the park anymore. We were somewhere far from Yokohama, driving a car on the empty road, not thinking about how we were wanted by the whole world for we were far away from all the pain and suffering. During that kiss, we were simply two happiest people in the entire world.

This is my last memory of her before I was told to leave her. The next day, when we had to meet under the very same tree again, (Y/N) was there alone, while I was getting punished by Mori for having a friend outside of the Mafia.

Suddenly, something clicked in my head as I realized something

"Kunikida." I called my superior "You said, that I can trust you, right?"

"Yes." He nodded, looking at me with confusion in his sight "Why are you asking?"

"Can I trust you with my secret then?" I said, standing up "I have one very important thing to do, but I might miss the case, that's scheduled for today."

I rushed to the hanger, where my coat was, before taking it and putting it on

"It depends on what kind of thing is it." Kunikida replied, still being confused

"It's one of the most important things I've ever had to do~!" I exclaimed, rushing to the exit of the Agency "I have to kiss the love of my life before she disappears out of my life forever!"

~~~

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Awww this was a very sweet chapter to write tbh XD that's the sweetness I needed to have strength for the last working day of the week