In The End (Sequel to In Real Life - Nemi)

Burnin Up

I didn't see Demi again until her show was over. I was hating myself for the way I was feeling. I was trying to tell my heart that I did love Demi. I knew I loved her. I watched her onstage that night & I felt how much I loved her, but my heart felt like it was just as my friend. My heart was fucking nuts. It was as if it built a wall around it & wouldn't let anything or anyone in.

As John & I were heading backstage, I saw an image that didn't help the wall, around my heart, come down. Demi was hugging Wilmer, her eyes closed as she snuggled against his chest. My heart was screaming, "Told you so! She doesn't love you! You can't trust her!"

I took a deep breath & stopped walking to watch them. John stopped when he realized I did, too & he turned toward me. Once he saw I was pissed, he looked to see what I was looking at. "They're just friends. They have history." John said in a low voice.

I glared at John. "I know they have history but it doesn't erase the fact that he attacked her not too long ago." I was trying not to shout at John. I didn't want to take out my feelings on him. Not only was I feeling betrayed again, I was angry & confused. I looked back at Demi & Wilmer & now he was holding her by the arms as she smiled up at him. He was saying something to her & I so badly wanted to know what it was. The way she looked at him made me want to hit something. Would she ever look at me that way? Now my heart was hurting. Fucking stupid wishywashy heart. Was I in love with her? Why couldn't I have a clear answer to this? Was I just jealous of anyone spending time with her? Was it a case of, if I can't love her, then no one else could? Man, I was fucked up. I know, tonight, I was feeling like I was in love with her, by the jealousy I felt within myself. I was burning up with anger as I watched Demi bat her lashes at Wilmer. I could have killed him when I saw him bend down to whisper in her ear. The look on her face was killing me. I saw she still loved him. Not sure what kind of love, but it bothered me in any case.

"Dude, you're turning red." John whispered.

"I'm pissed. I can feel myself getting more & more angry. I feel like my blood is boiling. Look how she looks at him." I nodded toward Demi.

"She's not looking at him any certain way. You're reading too much into it." John's voice of reason was pissing me off right now.

"I doubt you would say that if Lola was looking at a guy like that or touching him or batting her fucking lashes at him...."

"Calm down. Demi loves you." John said in a firm voice.

I rolled my eyes. I know she loved me. My problem was that she might find out that I doubted my feelings for her & doubted our whole relationships sometimes & then she would leave me. I hoped I resolved this conflict between my heart & my brain before I lost her for good. I took a deep breath & followed John who headed to where Demi was. Wilmer saw me before Demi did & he managed a smile.

"Nick, hi. I hope you can forgive me since Demi did. I know you were defending your best friend, so I am not mad. I am grateful you were there, actually." Wilmer said, then extended his arm for me to shake his hand. "Shall we let bygones be bygones?" He referred to almost raping Demi a bygone? Seriously?

I looked at Demi who was watching me, with fear on her face. I looked at Wilmer, watching him for a few moments while I took a few deep breaths. Finally, I took his hand in mine & shook it.

Wilmer chuckled. "Glad we're friends again."

I pulled my hand from his. "Let's get something straight. We're not friends. You & Joe are friends. Don't forget that." I said before I turned & walked away from them. John followed me & once we got in a room down the hall, he whistled.