In The End (Sequel to In Real Life - Nemi)

Don't Tell Anyone

The week following Demi's PSA shoot was a little better for us. Demi seemed to be less moody, maybe because she believed me when I told her I was in love with her. I tried really hard to believe what I told her to be true, so we were good again. I knew it wouldn't last, but I was enjoying it while it did. We even made love that evening when we got home from the shoot & we spent a good portion of that weekend in bed.

During the week, Demi tried to wait up for me to get home & some nights she could, but other nights she was sound asleep when I'd crawl into bed next to her. This weekend was the week before Halloween, Demi's favorite holiday, so she had big plans. I, on the other hand, didn't care about this particular holiday, so I was going to enjoy some time with my friend from New York, Michael. We were in a Broadway show together years ago & we had been great friends ever since. He was married with kids, so I looked up to him. He was like an older brother to me. He was in L.A. shooting a television series pilot & I offered to let him stay at my place. Demi didn't care since she was going to be gone all weekend, anyway. Her & a bunch of her friends had lots of parties to go to, so she was spending the weekend at Marissa's.

Marissa had picked Demi up on Saturday morning, just after I got back from the airport, picking up Mike . I gave Demi a kiss before she left, then Mike & I had some coffee while we enjoyed the scenery from my backyard. We left at noon to go grab lunch, then, afterwards, enjoyed a game of golf with a few of our friends. We met up with some of my friends for dinner, then we headed back to my place.

Mike & I were in the kitchen, when he asked if I had a beer. I handed him one, grabbed one for myself, then leaned on the counter while I took a drink. "Let's go sit outside & talk." Mike said. I nodded, then led him out to a couple of chairs on my back patio. It was a gorgeous night, so clear & warm, surprising for this time of year.

Mike let out a long sigh when he sat in the chair. "So, Nick. Tell me what the fuck is up with you?"

I almost choked on my beer as I looked at him. "What?"

"I can see it in your face. Something's changed. You're not happy or you're conflicted about something. Not sure which, so I'm asking you to tell me. Let me help you." Mike said leaning forward on his legs.

I played with the label on my beer bottle. "It's that obvious huh?"

"Only to those of us that know you & might not see you as often. It's just like when you're losing weight & if people see you all the time the weight loss isn't as obvious as it is to those people who haven't seen you in a while." Mike chuckled.

"Thanks for the analogy." I mumbled before I took a swig of my beer. "I'm happy for the most part I guess." I shrugged my shoulders. "But I'm conflicted. Olivia fucked me up, so now my head & my heart aren't on the same page regarding Demi." I took a drink of my beer, wishing I had brought a few more out here with us.

"What do you mean regarding Demi? What's going on? Are you not happy with her?"

I took a deep breath, not really wanting to say it out loud but I knew I needed to talk to someone. I needed to get all of this off my chest. "I married Demi because she's pregnant. I almost backed out the night before. I went out with Joe & a bunch of the guys & I talked to Joe about how I didn't think I was in love with her." I took another deep breath & looked up at the sky. I didn't want to look into his eyes & see disappointment, since I had no business marrying Demi if I wasn't in love with her. "He tried to get me to see if I was in love with her & he asked me all these questions. The problem is I answer yes to the questions because I do love Demi, but it's the same love I've always felt for her as my best friend. I don't think I'm in love with her. I can't get myself to feel that way about her & I don't know if it's just my heart protecting itself or if I really can't fall in love with her."

"Wow. Does she know any of this?"

I made a face & shook my head, quickly. "God, no. I'd never hurt her like that."

"No, you'd just lie to her & keep her & you in an unhappy marriage."

He had a point. I hung my head, looking at the ground between my feet. "I know. I'm horrible." I looked up at his face now. "I know with everything that I am, I don't want to hurt her. Ever. I will figure out a way to stay in this marriage & make it work. I won't be a part time dad. I want this baby to have a family."

"So if she hadn't been pregnant you wouldn't have married her?"

"No. Not at all. I don't even know if we would have stayed together. Maybe it was too soon for me to move on. Who knows? All I know is that I am an asshole for lying to her & I'm struggling inside so much that it's making me seem unhappy & distracted."

Mike sighed. "I feel for ya, man. It's not easy being married at all, but then throw a kid in the mix.... I don't know. I think you need to tell her how you're feeling & see if she'll be patient with ya."

"And what if I never fall in love with her?" I asked Mike, watching his face.

Mike pressed his lips together, sympathetically & looked at me. "Then you move on. You can still be an active father if you aren't together."

I shook my head, emphatically. "No. I will stay with her as long as our daughter is around. This is why I can't tell Demi. She would probably want to leave." I stood up & took a few steps into the yard. "Demi can't know, Mike. Please don't tell anyone."

Mike came to stand beside me & put his arm around my shoulder. "I won't say anything to anyone. You have my word. I just hope you can find happiness."

"I think I will find it, eventually. I'm just so scared & confused right now that it's hard to be really truly happy." I turned around, giving Mike a smile. "I will have to force myself to be happy if my heart & head don't get in the same game." I laughed, then drank the last of my beer, tilting the bottle up to the sky. I froze when I saw my bedroom light on & a shadow move on the balcony off of the bedroom. I stared up at the balcony, seeing a figure move, then heard the balcony door close. "Fuck." I whispered. Mike looked up to the balcony too. "I think Demi's home. She just heard every fucking word I said." I looked at Mike as if he could help me now.

Mike's face was full of horror & sympathy. "She wasn't supposed to be home, was she?"

I felt like I might puke as I shook my head. I closed my eyes for a moment, praying she didn't hear me. Maybe she had just got home & had only been out there for a moment. I excused myself to Mike & headed upstairs. The moment I opened our bedroom door, I knew Demi had heard the entire conversation. The suitcase on our bed, opened, filled with a few items, Demi's tear stained face & tear filled eyes were all dead giveaways. I knew I was looking at the aftermath of a broken heart right now. And I can't even explain how bad I felt knowing I was the one who broke it.