This Can't Be Real

Chapter 3

"Okay, I think we should start with the easy stuff." Jess says the next day in a chipper tone.

Her brown eyes have a twinkle in them that only surfaces when she's either really happy or really excited about something. I can't tell which it is but the one thing I can tell, is that she's looking forward to going over what has happened over the past five years. Something or a bunch of good things must have happened if its got her on her high horse and bursting with joy.

"Like what?" I sigh.

She tucks a strand of her long brown hair back behind her ear and makes herself comfy on the end of my bed. She pulls a sheet of folded paper free from her tote bag and unfolds it. I grin at her with a questionable look on my face. Something tells me she's stayed up all night piecing together a bunch of memories I should know and some that I don't.

"First thing's first," she starts. She clears her throat and continues. "What is your full name?"

I scoff. "Really?"

"Come on now, Leigh. Play along and this will go along much easier."

"I'm not stupid, Jess. I know my full name is Leigh Joanne Mills. Just like I know I was born on June 9th 1988. I also know that it's May 16th and-" I begin to list from memory.

"That crosses off at least the top half of my list, but I'm afraid you're wrong with two of those. Yes, you're date of birth is right but your name is no longer Mills and it's not May 16th." She points out at my mistakes. "You took Joe's last name when you married and May 16th was the day of the car accident. It's now May 31st."

I'm taken aback by her correction. Not only have I lost five years of my life, I have also lost a further two weeks out of no fault of my own. Also, I am no longer known as Leigh Mills. I'm now known as Leigh Hart which would explain why Dr. Davis called me Mrs. Hart. Well, isn't this just perfect!

"Oh," I mutter.

It's all I can say and it's genuine; I'm shocked.

"I thought you would have asked what the date was as soon as you woke up," Jess says quietly.

"I heard doctors and nurses talking about the 16th and I thought that was what it was. I had no idea. I . . . Jess, I don't know what's happening to me." Tears fall from my eyes and I can't make them stop. It doesn't help that my hormones are all over the place and adding to the worry and sadness that I am already feeling. "I-I just don't know what to do. I-I'm just so fucked up."

"Hey, listen to me." She gets up from the bed and moves so she's sitting next to me. She pulls me into her arms and I cling to her as I cry my eyes out. "You are not fucked up. What happened to you effects us all but we are all here for you." She rubs my back up and down, all the while trying her hardest to sooth me. "It'll take time but we'll get there."

"I know it will. That's what everyone keeps telling me. I'm just tired of people treading lightly when they're around me."

"That's because they don't want to start you off like what happened yesterday and there the now. We'll get through this and before you know it, you'll be happy again. You're family only want what's best for you."

"She's right." I stop sobbing momentarily and look over at Joe standing my the opened room door. He shuffles slightly under my watchful gaze and I can see him swallow. "I asked the doctors about taking you home so we can start working on trying to get your memories back."

Jess's hold on me tightens slightly and I I look at her before looking back at Joe.

"I-" I start before my words fail me. I don't know what to say.

"Dr. Davis said it was okay for me to take you home today. He suggested that taking you home would be good for you as being around things with memories attached to them, will help jog your memory."

"Joe, she's only just woken up. I think that's pushing it a bit too far by taking her home. What will Zachary think when he works out his own mother doesn't even remember him? He'll be distraught." Jess has a good point.

If I go home, Zachary won't know that there's something wrong with me. He'll just be happy to see his mother again. I'll be different around him for the simple fact being that I don't remember him. I remember nothing about him. That'll hurt him more than it'll hurt me and even though I haven't met him and don't remember him, I don't want to hurt him. I'd never forgive myself if I hurt him when it could be avoided.

"She has to get back into a routine, Jess. It's the only way she'll be able to remember things," Joe tells her.

He too makes a valid point but I can't chance it.

"Joe, at least be a bit considerate as to what your wife needs. You may need her home. Zachary may need her. But what does she need? Have you even asked her what she needs?" Jess shouts.

I move away from her a little at the sound of her raised voice. She doesn't normally shout but when she does, she gets her way all the time.

"Lets ask her now shall we?" My eyes widen and I look at Joe. "Leigh, baby." His voice is now soft and full of care. He steps towards me and reaches out for my hand to take in his. "What do you want to do?"

I blink up at him several times, then look between him and Jess. I really don't know what to do. I- oh, my poor brain is going to fizzle up with these two, I can see it coming a mile off!

"Leigh, bare in mind, you know me way better than you know him." Jess whispers to me.

"You also have to bare in mind that I'm your husband and I have to put your best interests before anything else." Joe counters.

I eye them both, my brain going into overdrive, and groan in frustration. "I-I think I wanna go home." I can see the smirk on Joe's face but I know I'll be able to wipe that away with the next part of my decision. I look at him square in the face and swallow hard. "But I don't want to go home with you."

"Leigh, it would be best for you to come home with me. To our home where all your memories are." He squeezes my hand tightly and I wince in pain. "Please . . ."

"It's what I want," I whisper, tears forming in my eyes.

He drops my hand and takes a step back from the bed. "If that's what you want."

"It's what I want," I repeat.

"Okay," he nods. "I'll just . . . I'll just tell Zachary that you're-"

"You'll tell him the truth." I butt in and say firmly. "I want him to still think I'll be around and I will. It'll just take time."

"The least you can do is drop by and see him. He's-"

"I'll bring her by when she's ready to face that obstacle, Joe." Jess tells him. "When she's up for it, she'll be introduced to her son. I will tell her everything she needs to know and then she'll be prepared. Give her that much."

He nods again before turning on the spot and leaving the room. The door closes with a small thud and I sulk back on the bed. This is going to be a nightmare come true.