This Can't Be Real

Chapter 8

"Jess, I'm not sure about this." My hands are constantly running down the front of the black mini dress Jess bought me from Selfridges. She said it's a gift from her for all the things I've bought for her over the years. I don't know if I can accept a dress that's £900 from anyone, let alone my best friend. It doesn't feel right. "I feel like it's too much for a first date."

"Okay, first of all," Jess starts, sitting the clutch bag she has in her hand down on the bed, "it's not too much. It's perfect. Second of all, it is not classified as first date if you're married to the guy."

"It is a first date if you can't remember getting married to the guy or being with him all together."

"Leigh, everything will be alright. Joe won't just give up on you because you can't remember your life together. He's not like that."

I nod even though I'm not convinced. It's not that I don't believe Jess because I do. She's the only person I can believe that I've known my whole life. I just . . . my head's still telling me that none of this is real, but at the same time it's telling me that Joe will run a mile if I don't remember our life together. However, my heart is telling me to stick this out and fight for him if he does try to run.

I don't know who or what to fully believe anymore.

I'm so confused!

My hands run down the front of my dress once more before rising up to trace over the cut-out area of the neckline that's connected together by a gold chain. My skin is clammy and my stomach is turning. I feel sick. I want to be sick.

I fan myself with a single hand to try and cool myself down somehow. The long sleeves on the dress aren't helping matters. "Do you have the heating on?" I ask, shaking my head so my hair falls down my back and not over my shoulders like it was.

"Leigh, it's been over twenty-four degrees the past few weeks. It's also summer. I don't have the heating on." She walks over to me and places her hands on my shoulders. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I lie. She doesn't believe me and the look on her face is confirming it. "Honestly."

"If you're having second thoughts, I can call Joe and cancel the entire thing tonight. He'll want your health to be priority compared to anything else."

I scoff. "I thought you hated the guy?"

"I do, but you're my priority. I don't want to see my best friend ill to a point where her life is at risk."

"I'm not ill, Jess, and y life sure as hell ain't at risk. I'm fine. I'm just-"

I cut myself short and rush away from Jess towards the bathroom to be sick. I knew I felt sick and it's nothing to do with the baby. It's all down to nerves.

"Honey," Jess whispers as she holds my hair back while I'm sick. "You're anything but fine. Maybe you shouldn't be going out while you're like this."

"Jess, don't." My words are weak and will do nothing to stop Jess from calling Joe to cancel our date. "I'll-"

"I'm going to call Joe and cancel the date."

"Jess-" I lean back and she moves away from me so I can slump back against the cool tile that conceals the bath. "-I don't want you doing that."

"He'll understand if I tell him you're starting to get morning sickness," she says, rising to her feet in the process.

I gaze up at her from under my lashes. "It's not morning sickness. That happens in the morning and right now, it's night. It's just-"

"I'll make the call," she says as she turns and walks out the bathroom.

"Jess," I call without moving. "Jess!"