This Can't Be Real

Chapter 7

“So . . .” Jess starts. She draws out the single word so my attention falls to her and not on the one spot of the back garden I've been staring at since we got home over two hours ago now. I blink as I shake my head and turn to look at her. “That could've gone better.”

“What could have?” I ask in a daze.

“Seeing Joe and dealing with the fact his parents turned up with Zachary.”

I nod and fold my arms over my chest. I was fine talking to Joe on my own, knowing no one was around to judge me for not knowing things I should know. I felt at ease and not like I was on a pedestal.

“What do you think Joe's parents will have said to him about you?”

I shrug.

“Do you think he talked to them about the whole 'my wife lost her memory and doesn't think our life together is real' thing?”

Again, I shrug.

“Do you think they know about the baby?”

For the third time, I shrug.

“Leigh, please speak to me rather than keeping quiet.” Jess has hit breaking point and I don't blame her. I feel a tad at my breaking point if I'm honest.

“What can I say, Jess?” I glare at her. “I don't have words to describe a meeting with a guy I'm said to be married to and about the son we have or about the child I'm said to be carrying! There are no words to be said!”

My arms are flying about as I express my words. She doesn't know what's going on inside my head. I'm not too sure I know what going on in my head either. There's all these random facts rolling around in my head, and I can't piece any of them together. They aren't making as much sense as what they should be.

“I just . . .” I sigh loudly and run my hands up my face and fist them into my hair. “. . . I wish things made sense.”

She walks to me and rests her hands on my shoulders. My hands fall from my head and rest by my sides. “I know you do, and they will. It'll just take time.”

Her eyes are filled with care and I can feel tears gather in my eyes. I'm not going to cry over this – I don't want to – but I have no choice but to cry. My hormones are going into overdrive and for once, I'm acknowledging the fact that I'm actually pregnant even though I haven't had anything confirmed. I just know that I'd never allow this sorta thing to get the better of me.

I'm stronger than what I seem right now and the only person I seem to be able to trust is my best friend who is trying her hardest to make me feel normal. Nothing's normal to anyone in connection to me right now.

We're all struggling.

I'm struggling.

“I think we need a girly night together, on a pedestal Jess says, her voice a little higher to showcase her happiness. Her hands wipe away the tears from my eyes and she smiles. “Over the past few years, I don't think we've ever had a girly night together.”

“Surely we've had them,” I laugh. I doubt it very highly that we've not had out fair share of girly nights together in the years I can't recall.

“Not like tonight's will be. This is different because, for once, you're the one with the issues and not me.”

I roll my eyes. “Gee, thanks for that.”

“Don't mention it.” She steps away from me and open the fridge door briefly before slamming it shut. “We need to go to the shops.”

“Jess, I-”

“Not your shops where everyone will spot you. My shops where no one gives a damn who anyone is or what they look like.”