What Lies Within Us.

Chapter 70: Sanity.

Cassidy's P.O.V.

I sat in bed... Thinking my head off as my thoughts began to consume me.

River walked in which didn't help the slightest bit.

"What's on your mind bien aime?" He asked as he sat next to me. "You look lost."

"I was just thinking..." I began,"When Milo was explaining what happened with Gazari and Raes, he said that Raes' punishment was that he couldnt have more than a certain number of kids.... I assume then that having a lot of kids is the norm when it comes to demis and gods... I've known Raes for a little over 20 years and I had no idea he has kids...."

"Where are you going with this?" He asked in confusion.

"River, do you have kids that I don't know about?"

He slightly bit his lip and detracted his attention away from me.

"So you do.... How many?"

"I- I honestly don't know."

That definitely wasn't the answer I was expecting.

"Are any of them here? At the Mezzarin?"

"Yes."

"How many?"

"3."

"Do they know you're their dad?"

"No, they don't."

I closed my eyes as I said my next statement, hoping I got the answer I wanted.

"Please tell me the youngest is Hudson..."

No answer.

I opened my eyes and saw him staring at me in complete regret.

"River..." I said, my voice slightly breaking as I still wanted an answer.

"Cassidy I'm sorry...."

Everything within me shattered into a million pieces as I struggled to maintain my emotions.

"Who is it..." I asked, still staring into his regretful eyes.

"Iris..."

"She's like... 5... Wait so that means-" I had to stop to pull myself together as I realized what it meant. "While I thought you were dead you were screwing Danica..."

He was at a loss for words which I'd never seen before.

My heart literally stung.

"River how could you?" I asked, no longer fighting to hold the tears back.

"I wish I had an excuse...." He simply replied.

"Me too..." I said as I grabbed his hand and placed something inside of it then stood up and headed for the door.

He opened his hand and stared in disbelief at my wedding ring.

"Cassidy stop." He demanded as he quickly jumped up and grabbed my arm. "I'm sorry just l-"

"Let you explain?" I questioned. "There's nothing you could say to me anymore that you haven't used as an excuse before."

I pulled my arm away but he grabbed it again and pulled me towards him.

"Nothing can justify what I did Cass... I'm so sorry. I messed up again and I don't deserve your forgiveness but I can't live without it. Can we please just talk about this before you make this kind of decision?" He asked, as he attempted to put my wedding ring back in the palm of my hand but I closed it and shook my head no.

"I thought you'd changed..." I said to him as my voice gave out. "You've done the same thing to me that you did to Allison. You're still the same guy you were when I first met you..."

"Cass I'm trying." He insisted as he closed his eyes and pressed his forehead against mine."I promise I am. I wouldn't have asked you to marry me if I was the same guy I was 24 years ago..."

"I believe you." I replied. "And I trust that you have nothing but good intentions towards me... But I don't trust your self control. I know you've tried working on it and I genuinely appreaciate that... But- I thought you were dead River. You were sleeping around while your wife and kids thought you were dead... I can't forgive you for that."

"Cass I love you more than anything I've ever loved. I can't lose you. Not again. If you give up on me... I'll lose the little bit of sanity I still have... I'm begging you, please don't do this."

It hurt so much hearing him say that. But I just didn't have it in me to forgive him. Not this time.

I gently pulled out of his grasp as I placed a kiss on his cheek.

"I love you River."

Before I turned to walk out I grabbed his hand and closed it, enclosing my wedding ring in his palm.