anxiety.

eleven.

"some truths, over time, can learn to play nice. some truths are sharper than knives."

scarlett.

it had been ten days since my fight with connor, which meant today was the monday we got back from winter break. i shivered at the thought of seeing connor today at school. he was my lab partner in physics for crying out loud. we were too close to each other (both physically and emotionally) to remain in such a big fight. i know nothing has changed since the last time we saw each other. we hadn't talked or texted, something extremely rare for us. i dressed in a champion hoodie and leggings, not a usual monday outfit for me. but i had no energy to look put together.

i was a mess on the inside. i kept trying to stay strong for mason so he wouldn't see how much it was killing me. he was already on the clock checking up on me and i didn't want any more attention. it's not that i didn't like that he cared for me because i did. sometimes though, i feel like he thinks i'm fragile and ready to break at any moment, which i'm not. i've been the way i am for a long time now and i've learned to live with it. while these sort of things do greatly affect me, i know how to deal with it. i'm a strong person i like to believe or so i keep telling myself.

i walked around the hallways since i was too nervous to remain sitting still in once place. i could be in the cafeteria with mason but i didn't feel like seeing him this morning. i started walking down the english hall and i stared down at the tile on the floor. i walked so that i didn't touch a line, something just to keep me distracted. i heard a group of people walking and noticed it was a group of boys upon listening closer. my hood was up to hide the bruise as best as possible. i picked up my head to make sure i didn't run into them. my heart skipped a beat, connor. he was walking with his teammates. his face met mine and i immediately put my head back down. his jaw dropped ever so slightly and his eyes went wide before he looked away like he didn't see me at all. ouch, that hurt more than it should've.

i had to remember that i was mad at him as well. i know i lied to him to spend time with mason, but he slapped me. the one person i thought would never hurt me did. the bruise on my cheek would go away, but will my uprooted distrust for him go too? i was sorry for my actions but in order for us to return to normal he needed to apologize to me too. the bell rang and i started walking to physics. i sat down at the lab desk and stared at the empty chair beside me. i saw connor enter the room from the corner of my eye and looked away so that i wasn't staring at him when he sat down. he sat down without saying a word. he just pulled out a pencil and a notebook and remained on his phone until our teacher began notes.

tension filled the air as my teacher started today's lesson. we refused to look at each other as we took our notes. we'd usually spend this time laughing because of something he said but today the atmosphere felt weird. i tried to look over at him through the corner of my eye without making it too obvious. he was sitting there with his arms crossed looking straight forward. part of me felt like crawling into a hole, thinking about how i started this. i was wrong for the most part this time. sure we fought all the time, but it was never really my fault and we got over it after we talked. i looked at the clock and noticed the bell was about to ring, thank god. i needed to get out of this awkward silence.

the bell rang and i grabbed my backpack as quickly as possible, heading straight for the door. i started walking towards my next class when i felt a hand grab my wrist and pull me back into the hallway over.

"listen mason i'm not in the mood right now-" i paused as i turned around and saw it wasn't mason. "connor.." i said softly.

he gently pushed the hoodie off my head... he had seen the bruise. i put my head down not wanting to look at him. he put two fingers under my chin lightly tapping to get me to lift my head. he turned it to the side, gently grazing his fingers over the bruise. "did i do that to you?" he asked, his voice cracking. i had never heard him sound so upset before. i softly grabbed his wrist, moving it away from my face and placing it back at his side.