anxiety.

twenty-five.

"we only notice light, when darkness crashes against it."

scarlett.

first question of the day: what makes us afraid to try new experiences? if we've never tried them before, surely we cannot make assumptions off of unfamiliarities to our brain. how can we be sure that we'll hate it or love it? what makes us want to take that risk in the first place? or on the opposing side, why do we sometimes never take that risk in the first place?

sometimes, i believe the answer is the fear of falling. we become too fixated over the idea that we might possibly fall and this fixation takes over any excitement we previously had to try something new. it completely rips the excitement apart and throws it on the ground like it never existed in the first place. it's not always physically falling either. sometimes, it's the fear of failing, which takes place of the fall.

don't you find it rather often that we find ourselves having to choose between these two conflicting ideas? one part of me just wants to be adventurous and try that new thing in hopes that i'll love it. the other part of me won't try it in the first place because i'm too afraid of something going wrong. and that's exactly what was happening to me now.

mason came up with the brilliant idea of planning a day for us to go parasailing while we were here. it looked amazingly fun, watching other people sail up in the air. now that it was our turn to do it, i wasn't so sure anymore. it
sailed people too high up in the air to look enjoyable for me. granted you are over water, but falling from a height that tall makes water turn to cement. i'm terrified of heights, mason knows this. curse him for being so adventurous and down to do anything he felt like. i wish i had that same bravery.

the instructor strapping people in motioned us to come forward when i suddenly had the urge to not move from where i was standing at all. mason caught my sudden rigidness and placed his hand on the small of my back to guide me to walk on to the boat.

"i promise you it's going to be fun. trust me love. i wouldn't have planned it if i didn't think we'd enjoy it." he assured, interlocking his hands with mine.

trust, i needed to have it.

i stood there, half frozen, as i let a random woman connect tight straps around my thighs and waist. i looked over to mason, who was already ready to go and smiling like a big goofball. i couldn't help but relax a little bit and release a small smile of my own. we each had to zip up a life jacket, just in case anything happened. the brightly coloured parachute shot up into the air as the boat started to ascend forward. the instructor began giving us all the information we needed to know once we were up there as another woman hooked our straps to the parachute.

we sat down at the back edge of the boat, nervously waiting to take off. well i was nervous, but more it felt more like excited butterflies. mason on the other hand was shaking with excitement. i grabbed his hand and he gave it a squeeze back, smiling at me.

"okay guys, on ten." the instructor said in a strong american accent. i closed my eyes, listening to the numbers."one...two...three..."

and on six we shot up into the air, earning a loud scream from me. the instructor lied to us! i heard mason's uncontrollable laughter in response to my scream. i wish i could smack him right now, but i was too scared to take my hands off of where they were gripped.

i opened my eyes to see the boat looking like the size of an ant. my hands gripped the straps connecting us to the parachute so tightly that my knuckles started to turn white. this was higher up than i thought.

mason turned his head to me, "how are you doing baby?" he yelled extremely loudly so i could hear him against the noisy wind.

once i got over my fear of falling out of the straps, which possibly could not happen, i started to realize that it was thrilling. it felt similar to what i believe flying would feel like.