anxiety.

twenty-nine.

"i'm only honest when it rains. if i time it right, the thunder breaks. when i open my mouth, i want to tell you, but i don't know how."

scarlett.

some days i feel brave, ready to let nothing get
in the way of what i want. 'the world is yours', that's what mason tells me. so much so, that at a point i start to believe him. maybe it's not a bad thing to have that mindset, even if it's not the truth. it's probably for the better that i walk into life with that little added boost of courage.

well, today's the day.

yes, that day.

today is the day i go to therapy.

to say i was nervous would be an understatement. i was terrified but, like usual, with no good reason to be. i had liked dr. kersey last night at the hospital and knew that i could trust him, even if i wasn't ready to. its not that i'm afraid of him, i think i'm more scared to open up about my anxiety. it's like facing a long bundled up fear. i like to keep things to myself and that's where my secrets stay, where i know they are safe from the outside world.

"am i a wimp for being kind of scared?" i frowned, projecting my thoughts as i leaned over the bathroom counter to take a closer look at my face. the initial bruising around my nose had spread farther into my under eyes, making it appear black. i debated whether or not to cover the bruising with concealer, but i realized there was no point in hiding it. anyone who's seeing me today has already seen it yesterday,

mason walked over to me, placing his hands on my waist and leaning his head over my shoulder. "you have no reason to be scared babe. i'll be there the whole time."

"but what if-" i started to question.

"but what if nothing. stop that, you're always psyching yourself out. nothing bad is going to happen to you. i swear, i got you scar. besides, he'll love you. who wouldn't?" he reassured with lips pressing against my neck.

"i don't know how you do when i look ugly like this." i groaned, pointing to my nose.

he laughed, even though i wasn't kidding. "you are beautiful scarlett, even with a bruised up face."

i nodded him off to put an end to the conversation, but my mind was still racing with all the what ifs and the possible negative scenarios. mason had to basically pull me away from the sink, drag me down the stairs, and push my body into the passenger side of his car. i started to doubt that this was the right decision again.

"i don't know that i can do this..." i hesitated, feeling sick to my stomach as i saw the tall hospital building in the distance, growing closer.

"i promise you that you can. no worries, you will be okay." he assured, turning his wheel into a parking space not too far from the entrance.

we sat in the silence of the turned off car for a few moments. mason intensely stared at me as i drifted off into space, waiting for me to either exit the car or say something. i could feel my heart thumping in my chest, to the point where i didn't notice mason leave his own seat and stand at the open door of mine. he held out his hand and i made the brave decision to take it, letting him pull me out from the car. he placed his other hand on top of mine, gently rubbing his finger over my knuckles.

a blast of cold air greeted us as the sliding doors automatically opened and i shivered, partly out of nervousness. to my advantage, the hospital was calmer than usual, which i was more than thankful for. the walk to the psych wing was peaceful, but nerve wrecking.