anxiety.

thirteen.

"when there was bad blood in us, we learned our lesson... so we wrestle with the concept of it all, the concept of grace and the faithful concrete as it breaks our fall."

connor.

i'll never forget that night. every time i see mason's face the memories of that night flood back in.

it was in the summer that mason and i were entering high school. we were on that weird high right after eighth grade where we felt like we were cool enough and had the courage to do anything. we were like kings who just finished ruling one palace and we were ready to move on to the next. it was dumb to be as cocky as we were and the person i was then is extremely different from who i am now. that night changed me in more ways than one.

we were in new york, the three of us, mason, troye, and i. i remember it perfectly.

we had just entered the bronx on the late subway. it was around eleven at night and the streets were pitch black other than the poorly lit street lights. the streets had the strangest smell to them, it was a mix between gasoline and pure filth.

all of our parents were attending a party at the waldorf astoria in manhattan. we had snuck out of pure boredom and just let the land take us to here i guess. there was an uneasiness in my stomach. i wasn't alone, troye and mason were with me, but for some reason i was scared. i had this bad feeling in my gut.

we had been running through the streets in our suits and ties. i had to admit i was having the time of my life. it was dark, our parents weren't around, and we just felt so free. panting, we entered a convenience store on the corner of where ever the hell we were now. a little chime of a bell had signaled we entered and we immediately went back to where the drinks were. we each grabbed something with a bag of chips and checked out.

"this has to go down as one of the most epic nights in history." troye boomed as we sat down in an alleyway right by the store.

"i can't believe we just ditched our parents like that." i spoke, an ounce of regret in my voice.

"uh it was mad awesome." mason retorted and we all let out a yeah in agreement.

"i'm so excited for this school year to start. we're already shoe-ins for the football team. you know how many girls are gonna be all over us? its gonna be HOT." troye exclaimed, making us laugh.

"all you ever care about is the girls." i shook my head, taking a sip of my soda.

"yeah okay and you don't? c'mon you've seen some of those cheerleaders. you would hop on that so fast too." mason gave a puzzled look at me.

"i actually respect girls. i don't just date them to use them like you do. who should i start with? kate? rebecca? allison?" i said, rolling my eyes. mason just shrugged and ate a chip.

"you need to live a little more connor." troye added in.

"no this is living. this right now." i rested my head on the brick wall behind us and let out a big exhale. "we're free, no parents, no school, no anyone telling us what to do. this is what being older is about. besides, i can live my life without having a girl by my side 24/7."

"you say that now but just wait till we're actually in high school." mason held up his bottle and troye and i put our bottles in, clinking for a mini toast. we sat in silence for a little bit, just taking all of it in.

we heard the loud noise of sirens close by all of the sudden. it made my heart race a little bit. we all perked up at the sound.