book #1 | be with me | jenzie

15

chapter 15 - digging deeper

"one word from you can always hurt me,"

[edited - 21.12.18]

k e n z i e

curiosity is usually a good thing right? but just my luck, this time, it was a terrible thing for me, because curiosity killed the cat.

i was sprawled on johnny's couch while we watched an action movie, much to my displeasure, but johnny enjoyed it. i disliked action movies, so i wasn't really paying attention. johnny had also forgotten the movie as his fingers flew over the keyboard of his phone, probably texting one of the barbie dolls in school. i rolled my eyes. such a manwhore. i looked up at his head and wrinkled my nose. i should have knocked him harder on the floor when i mistook him as the robber. maybe that'll wake him up.

my thoughts wandered to johnny's past again. ever since annie had told me about johnny's weakest moments, those curious thoughts have not once left my brain. recently, i was getting more eager to know about it. whenever i was daydreaming, my thoughts always led back to it. what exactly had happened? i was dying to know.

i looked over at johnny. he looked like the typical kid who was too popular for his own good. it was hard to imagine how he felt, or even looked like when he was facing his struggles. i sighed. i had to ask him sooner or later or i'll burst . we had gotten quite close as friends, and i guess he wouldn't explode of fury if i ask him. he was actually quite nice and sweet if he opens up to you, now i would never have guessed he was a person who would slam others against a wall if you asked him for directions.

i was about to open my mouth when johnny turned to me.

"what should i do if someone asks me to be their boyfriend?" he asked, propping his chin up on his hand. my thoughts dispersed as i looked at him incredulously.

"reject them?" i rolled my eyes. he probably got these kinds of messages a few dozen times a day.

"why?"

"why? you have a girlfriend, may i remind you,"

"oh yeah, but..." johnny trailed off.

"you are the popular guy, don't ask me," johnny sighed as he turned back to his phone, typing once again. i could feel the courage that i had built up slowly disappear.

"johnny?" i asked again as he turned to me, raising his eyebrows.

"nothing," i muttered, twisting my fingers. curiosity was eating me alive.

"johnny, i-" i started again, but broke off midstream.

"you can ask me anything, don't beat around the bush," johnny threw his phone down as he stared at me. this just made it all even worse. now all his attention was on me.

taking a deep breath, finally finding the guts, i opened my mouth uncertainly.

"i-annie told me-she said," i stuttered, my voice faltering as i couldn't find the right words.

"she said what?" johnny asked curiously, his phone all forgotten as i bit my lip.

"she said that i should...ask you about your p-past," i stammered, cutting myself off as an ugly color took over his face, making him more alert than before.

"what past?" he asked lowly, his face darkening.

"i don't know, so..." i muttered, as johnny's hand tightened on the cushion he was grabbing, causing his knuckles to turn white. this was apparently a forbidden topic.

"then it should stay like this, you shouldn't pry," he said coldly, staring at me as i flinched, before gritting my teeth. i had gone this far, and i wasn't one to give up easily.

"but why?"

"it's just like this!" johnny stood up, his eyes flashing as his hands shook. i jumped back. no matter how furious he was, he had never shouted at me before. i swallowed as i grabbed the hems of my shirt nervously.

"i...i just thought...we were close...and..." i stammered, trying to get the words out but that just made johnny angrier.

"that i would share with you everything about me? we are just normal friends, and we aren't close enough for me to spill my heart to you, you are thinking too much," johnny sat back down as he looked away while my heart dropped.

i should have known. i should have known that everything would go into shambles just like this. i could feel myself breaking apart as i stared at johnny.

"i'm sorry for interfering," i mumbled when i finally got my voice back, "i'm just..."

"go," he suddenly said, his voice foreign. it was ice cold, brittle and unlike his usually warm one.

"what?" i asked, confused.

"get out of my room, i need some time to think. just, leave me alone, go find lauren or something" he muttered, his voice still fierce as he rubbed his face.

nodding quickly, i walked towards him, stretching out my hand to pat his shoulder comfortingly but he flinched and stepped away from me. i tried to keep my face impassive as i pulled my hand back slowly. i turned to his door, hesitantly.

"i'll be off now," i said, my voice breaking into the tension as i walked out of his room. my heart dropped when i received no answer. it was so stupid of me, i should never have opened my mouth.

sighing, i was halfway to lauren's room when i stopped, leaning my head against the cool wall. what had i gotten myself into?

j o h n n y

i messed up so badly. i cursed as i chucked my phone at my table, watching its screen shatter. i'll deal with it later. now, a million confusing emotions were running around my mind.

why in the world had annie told kenzie about my past? gods. i shuddered again as memories flashed past my head.

i took a deep breath as i struggled to wipe those thoughts away from my mind. i had tried to hide them for such a long time, but now they resurfaced again. i can't let anyone know about it. especially not kenzie. she would hate me.

i closed my eyes as another image floated up. kenzie's face. she looked so devastated when i snapped at her. i don't blame her. i should not have lashed out at her like that.

what should i do now? i buried my head in my hands.

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