book #1 | be with me | jenzie

38

chapter 38 - i don't care, not at all

"how much longer do i have to lie to myself?

yes, i like you. a lot,"

[edited - 12.23.18]

k e n z i e

I could feel the coming of a severe headache as I closed my eyes, telling myself to breathe.

It's okay, it's totally fine that Brandon still had the guts to ask you out on a date. Oh, and it's definitely okay for Johnny to rush out of the cafeteria and leave you stranded there.

Perfect.

Brandon was still standing there, holding his tray like while Brynn was already alert, staring at me for any indication of action. Thank god for my best friend.

As if she could sense my deep hatred for the stupid boy standing at the end of the table, Brynn looked at Brandon with displeasure, flicking her platinum blonde hair over her shoulder threateningly.

"Can't you just leave? You do know that Kenzie doesn't like clingy guys, right? Go away and stop latching onto her like a leech!" Brynn exclaimed, not being soft on her words at all. Everyone at the table stared at her in shock, especially Brandon, whose jaw looked like it would un-latch any second. I could hardly stifle my grin as I hid behind my curtain of hair. Brynn could be wild and unforgiving if she wanted.

Looking up, I flashed Brandon a glare and glowered at him until he turned around and walked away with his tail between his legs. Serves him right. It was only until he slowly disappeared from my sight that I remembered the bigger problem I had on hand. Johnny Orlando.

Crap.

Gritting my teeth in impatience, I cast an apologetic look at my friends as I grabbed my bag before hurrying out in the direction where Johnny had rushed off to.

Frowning, I peeked over the sea of students, trying to spot him. It shouldn't be too hard, for who had such distinctive handsome features like him? But where in the world was he?

Just then, I heard a sound that sounded very much like someone kicking the lockers. Trying to keep the anxiousness I had rising in my heart down, I scurried over.

Of course, guess what I saw? The drama queen aiming a flying kick at the locker.

Rolling my eyes, I sighed at my obviously depressing life as I made my way towards him.

"Hey, go soft on the locker, mister," I warned as I neared him, frowning in displeasure.

Johnny immediately whirled around and his expression barely lighted up for half a second before his eyes dimmed down again.

Looking away, he clenched his fists before slouching to the other end of the hall. So joking didn't work. Guess I'll just have to try another tactic.

"Johnny! Are you still mad at me? Don't be mad," I fluttered my eyelashes and pouted, pulling on his sleeve gently. Normally this works so if this really doesn't, I'm prepared to crash against the locker and hibernate there for the rest of my life.

To my utmost exasperation, Johnny's hand barely trembled before he brushed my hands off. What was wrong with that guy?

Gritting my teeth, I tugged him harder before threatening, "I'll never ever talk to you again if you continue this!"

"It's ok, I'm sure you have others who are better to talk to, like Brandon," Johnny laughed mirthlessly and I froze, realization dawning on me.

So he left in such a hurry, was all because Brandon simply asked me out? And I thought he changed sex, became a girl and started pmsing!

Laughing till my stomach hurt, I clutched at Johnny's back before tugging him backwards and slamming him against a locker. I was so sick and tired of waiting for him to take the action, so I was going to bring matters into my own hands now.

I smiled as he grimaced from the pain and I held him there as I pressed my arm against his throat. Thank God he didn't try anything, but just stared at me with those intoxicating green eyes, as if pulling me closer with their charm.

Not even thinking about my actions, I unconsciously moved closer so that we were inches apart, our noses brushing against each other. Although I was the one in charge, my heart thumped furiously, being under such close proximity with Johnny.

"Now, let's see, what can I do to make you happy," I whispered, tracing his face lightly with my fingers, smiling as he shuddered when I brushed against his lips.

"How about a kiss?" I cocked my head, looking him right in the eye. Without allowing any time for him to react, I pressed my lips against his.

It was exactly what I thought it to be, lemony. Just like the lemony scent he always had. And he didn't seem to be resisting as he wrapped his arms around my waist tentatively. I could feel fireworks bursting around my head at irregular intervals as he pulled me closer.

His lips were soft and full, fitting with mine perfectly. I smiled against his lips as I circled my arms around his neck, threading my hands through the fluffy hair at the bottom.

I guess I deserve an award for my bravery. Hardly, hardly do I ever take the initiative, but now this feels like utter bliss.

Slowly, I opened my eyes, looking into his clear green ones. I almost instantly saw emotions flash through it but I was disappointed as I looked closer. They looked empty and composed, as if I didn't just kiss him. What was wrong with him today?

"Johnny, I don't like Brandon, I only..." I trailed off as I tugged at my sweater. I wanted to say I only liked him. Him only, but somehow the words couldn't get out. I froze as I caught sight of his impassive face, gazing down at me without any emotion, frightening me. Did I matter so less to him?

I got my answer next.

"Why should I care if you like him or not? It has got nothing to do with m. After all, you are going out with him already," He shrugged nonchalantly, and I felt my bones chill immediately.

His words reverberated around my head. Why should I care?

Yes, why should he care? Isn't he that infamous playboy, with thousands of girls at his disposal? Why would he care if sad, lonely me gets asked out? Why should he? I thinking too highly of myself.

Shuddering, I backed away, my arms jerking back from him almost immediately.

Swallowing, I turned as I did the thing I was best at - running away. Away from him. Away from all those happy memories that I have had with him. Away from all those happy times. Heading anywhere but close to him.

As I reached the watercooler, as if maddened, I thrust my hand underneath it, grasping for the water before rubbing my lips furiously, getting rid of his scent. Getting rid of the lemons that still emanated from my mouth.

Then the tears came, mixing with the water, turning them salty. Standing by the watercooler, watching the water trickle down, feeling as if there's no more point in love, no more point in giving my heart to someone anymore, I broke down.

Why should I care?

j o h n n y

Looking at Kenzie's back, I flinched as I watched her wash her mouth under the watercooler. It had hard. So hard for me to pretend that I wasn't excited by the prospect of her taking the initiative. So hard to not start screaming of joy in the hallways. 

The kiss was mind blowing and I was enjoying myself until I thought of Brandon.

Then I felt those strawberry lips that were locked with Brandon's just last week and felt indescribable fury rise in me.

I'm way too protective to allow any boy to come close to you, Kenzie.

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