You Know Your Rights!

I Cry All the Time

And baby deep down in your heart I guess you know that it ain't right,
Never, never, never, never, never, never hear me when I cry at night,
Babe, and I cry all the time!
But each time I tell myself that I, well I can't stand the pain,
But when you hold me in your arms, I'll sing it once again.

I'll say come on, come on, come on, come on and take it!
Take it!
Take another little piece of my heart now, baby. - Janis Joplin

A few years have passed since then, and we grew nothing but closer towards each other. You were still invested in music just as heavily if not mores than you were before. You were so talented. You are now, but I was just witnessing it for the first time back then. You were so creative and artistic it was amazing to be able to see your talent and creativity first hand.

Being around you was like witnessing color for the first time, it spectacular, beautiful, stunning yet saddening all at the same time. You were like a firework or a beautiful house going up in flames. You can't stop from happening, but you can't look away, because you want to see the spectacle fade away.

It was 1987 and you just started your band. You just dropped out of school. You had a few other friends with you at this time. I believe their names were Chad and Krist. They seemed to be just like you. They were both heavily into punk music and you all came to the same conclusion that you all wanted to start a band together. I was nothing, but happy for you. It was great to see you trying to follow your dreams. I was in essence your biggest cheerleader. I did nothing but give you all the credit in the world; which you rightfully deserved.

You decided to call your band Fecal Matter at this time. I gave you nothing, but a look of shock at the name.

"Why that name of all things?"

"Why not?"

You were always funny like that, but who am I to get in the middle of your dreams and ambitions?

Around this time I decided that I should do something too. I strayed away from the classical music that consumed most of my life and decided that I would start my own band as well. I knew I couldn't keep relying on you for the rest of my life when it came to my happiness , so logically I needed something to keep me occupied as well. 

Strangely enough my band was nothing like yours. It wasn't a quartet of classical musicians all banding together like you thought it would be. It turned out to be a thrash metal band. You were nothing, but shocked when I told you. It was such an odd combination of emotions spiraling within you when I told you this. You were shocked, happy, proud, and puzzled at the revelation.

"Damn" you did nothing but smile awkwardly at me.

"What!" I pouted playfully at you

"I just never expected the classical musician herself to become the front woman of a fucking thrash metal band. That's a complete 180 for you."

"I know right!" We both went on to do nothing, but laugh and speak of our dreams with each other under the beautiful, dark, mesmerizing starlight of the Seattle nighttime.

"What do you want to do with your life Clar?"

"I want to be so totally free that my past won't ever be able to dictate me ever again."

You gazed over at me with nothing evident, but the sadness and gloom ever present in your tone and gaze.

"Does this have to do with your mom, Clarisse?"

You only ever called me Clarisse when it was serious.

"Yeah" I sighed disappointed in myself.

You suddenly pulled me towards you in the most comforting and loving embrace I have ever had in a while. I somewhat flinched at your action not being used to being comforted, hugged, or swaddled like this before. It was strange, but it felt nice. I snuggled into your chest further to hear your heartbeat as I began to softly weep.

I hated crying. It made me seem weak. I didn't like anyone pitying me or babying me for that matter. Not even you. I usually hid my emotions so well, but this time I couldn't stop the tears from falling. They came down quicker and quicker and became more evident on my face despite my attempts to stop crying.

You gripped onto my body more and gently forced my head to look up at you. Your eyes were so visible and clear under the Seattle moonlight. It was heart wrenching yet beautiful to see your startling blue eyes gaze deep into my amber ones.

You began to kiss my forehead, eyes, cheekbones then my lips and you enveloped me in your warmth. I haven't felt so at home, relieved, and stress free in a long time. I never exposed myself like this to anyone before. The feeling was so strange and new for me. I felt nothing, but warmth, small jitters, glee, optimism, and tenderness swell through and consume the entirety of my small body. I felt genuinely at peace with myself, because of you.

"You're beautiful Clarisse. Never forget that. Ok?"

"Ok Kurt."

" I love you."you murmured this out so softly that hardly a soul could hear it.

"I love you too."

AS I said this you wrapped your larger figure around me. Then we both faded away into a deep slumber, for the first time bonded together as one.