You Know Your Rights!

Don't Let Me Down

Don't let me down, don't let me down
Don't let me down, don't let me downI'm in love for the first time
Don't you know it's gonna last
It's a love that lasts forever
It's a love that had no past - The Beatles

A year has past since you committed suicide. At first it was unbearable to even be left alone in the house were both inhabited with Frances. I thought I might go off the deep rails again. And I would've on several occasions if it weren't  for Kirk staying by my side , and monitoring me.

When I cried out late at night afraid of the dark he granted me asylum in his own home. He was nothing but gentle caring and tender towards Frances and myself. He acted more and more like a real husband and father everyday towards us. I have never once seen him be passive or disinterested towards me. It was like he was genuinely invested in my wellbeing and health.

Whenever, I cry he'd stay in the room right besides my own figure and stayed until all my outbursts  simply faded away. He was and still is in my own words the rebound I needed.

Around that time as well I started attending therapy sessions with the psychologist I was recommended to while in the hospital. Around this time I was already attending my 11th therapy session. Before I was always hesitant to have someone look me over and analyze me. I always felt like some small insect under a huge microscope. It was humiliating and dehumanizing for me. However, once I got used to her I never felt so at ease with talking about and displaying my inner thoughts and emotions with her. She wasn't anything like the fictional boogie-man I had painted all people within her profession out to be.

It was also her idea for me to start these journals and to jot down my inner feelings. She noted how stiff, overprotective, and walled off  I was when it came to myself and my well being. She had described it as a sort of defensive technique. 

"You know how when an animal is injured or is afraid of being injured they start lashing out against all of those around them or squeeze into the corner as a defense mechanism?" She questioned me gently.

I nodded my head to her still not quite getting the analogy.

She pushed her glasses up further onto her face and took her gaze away from the small notepad she was using to jot down all of my ticks and expressions.

"Well consider yourself to be like those animals.", she stated quietly. "Instead of physical violence you use emotions as your weaponry and to hide your inner loneliness and introverted ness." 

"Well, what should I do about it then, Doc?" I pondered.

She then reached from underneath her chair and gently plopped a small notebook onto the desk before me and slid it over in my direction.

"This might help you express yourself more confidently. Since, you have problems properly emoting and expressing yourself around others this might me a better way for you to properly release yourself without harming you or anyone else around you."

Ever since then I have been writing in this small journal everyday. It makes the pain of losing you less and less evident.

After that I decided that being alone was the last thing I wanted to be. Sure i had Frances, but she could never fill in the open and empty space that a lover or a spouse ever could. Apparently, Kirk felt the same way as well and proposed that we'd hang out and go on a date. 

I've haven't been on a proper date since before you died. Of course I was a bit scared and paranoid constantly thinking I would screw up, and have him leave me because of that. However, I guess he must've noticed my apparent fear I brought me towards his chest and began to gently rock me.

"Listen, Clar. I love you for you. You don't have to dress up for me or worry about how I may perceive you. I love you for you. That's why I want to hang out with you. That's why I like being around you." He stated all too confidently.

He didn't care about any of the airs I would've put on for public display. He just wanted me for me and loved me for me. And I couldn't ask anything more of him.

At first dating him was very awkward due to our friendship and my still present hesitance of letting you go, but I managed to do so. I finally let you go.

He acted like a real significant other should've. He never invaded my privacy, but was always there to comfort me. He never hid anything from me. He always told me the truth. He always told me what I wanted to hear, but never spoiled me. Finally and most importantly, he never let me go, and promised this to me.

Sounds familiar, huh? But this is where his character truly shows and shines brightly. He never broke that promise to me.

I have a feeling this was going to last forever. This was a love that would last for eternity. This is why I warned him  bluntly, frankly, and straightforwardly, "Don't let me down."

A/N: One more chapter then it's over! Did I do good on this chapter? Enjoy your day! I love you!