You Know Your Rights!

Unfold Your Love

I don't know why nobody told you
How to unfold your love
I don't know how someone controlled you
They bought and sold youI look at the world and I notice it's turning
While my guitar gently weeps
With every mistake we must surely be learning
Still my guitar gently weepsI don't know how you were diverted
You were perverted too
I don't know how you were inverted
No one alerted you- The Beatles

So many years have passed since April 5, 1994. It was now 2018, and I couldn't be happier. I sat in a house by the beach inhabited by Kirk, myself, and our two small children. I finally felt at peace. Getting over you was hard, but it was never impossible. Saying things are impossible leads to self doubt and the destruction of ones character. I promised myself I wouldn't be like you, and unlike you I actually kept my promise.

Whenever, I look back on our time spent together I realize that it was never meant to be. You were a bird that no one could cage or hold down, and when threatened by this concept you decided to clip your own wings. You were the bird of Hermes. I had this sort of infatuation with you that held a dormant place within my heart before I decided to break the habit. You were essentially my drug. Sure, at one point what we had could have been classified as love, but our relationship was so far from that. To this day I believe that we merely lusted after each other without fully knowing each other. We didn't fully comprehend the baggage that we both held, we didn't know how headstrong we both were to let them go. We didn't truly know or understood each other.

Sure, your death was tragic, but now I look back at it and smile. As crude as that sounds it is true. We both finally got what we both wanted. You got the freedom and independence you so desperately wanted while I finally got the love, affection, and family I always desired.

After your death the crowd began to dissipate into nothing. They all began to turn away. I can't blame them. The curtain was finally called on you. You weren't the act everyone desperately wanted you to be, and I couldn't be happier.

Ever since your death I have been writing these journals to document our time spent together and to finally feel closure. While this was a big step in my recovery I can't sit back and say this is what led me towards the light. The only person I can thank for that is Kirk. In many ways he is everything you aren't, but don't fret. He'll never be you, and you'll never be him. You both hold very significant places within my heart and have both helped me tremendously grow as a person and entertainer. 

Today is the 24th anniversary of your death. I called Frances to join me on this day, she deserves to see her father one last time. This is something she had to witness for herself. After all, the sins of the parent shouldn't be reflected on the kid.

In my hand I held this ornate and decorated vase that holds the cremated remains of your body. I held onto it and you for so long. It was time to truly set you free.

As I gazed down towards the car I saw a small figure the stringy and slightly curled raven black hair ,with eyes that could only resemble yours once alive, and fully plump red lips. She walked towards me with her hands stuffed into her pockets and her shoulders slightly hunched over with a slight smile evident on her lips.

"Are you ready, mom?" She looked me in the eye questioning my willingness to let you go.

I can't blame her. I held onto you for a long time. Even after being remarried and having more kids I still couldn't fully accept the fact that you weren't with me anymore. Even having a nice spouse like Kirk it still made me wonder what could have been. It was always how I wished you were here. It was always how I wished you were my true love and wished that we would have waited to make such a huge decision like marriage and for having a child.

I turned towards her fully my smile widening in acceptance and relief.

"Yes, love. I'm finally ready to let go. Now you can too."

We threw off the lid on the container together, and began to count down towards throwing your ashes into the Wishkah River.

"3"

"2"

"1!"

With that final number you were truly set free. You were able to fly like the bird you once were, and were now free to go wherever you may roam. Your body may always lie deceased and grounded towards the Earth, but your heart and mind were now forever free.

I turned towards Frances and hugged her gingerly while she returned the favor. This time I didn't weep or shake.  I've been holding on for too long.

When we returned home all our friends were there. Icy was with her husband Dave, my younger children were running around with my husband, Courtney and Kim were there along with all the other Metallica guys. 

Family. This is what having a real family feels like. It didn't matter if we were blood related or not. All that mattered was the strong unbreakable bond that we all held with each other. Without relationships like this all life would be meaningless. To some  extent religion, money, and even music are all worthless within our lives. Relationships are what make life worth living.

After all the loudness and cheer left the room along with all of our guests Kirk and I retired to bed after tucking in our young ones. Once we entered our bedroom we turned to face each other. He began to softly caress my hair and neck as we began to feel each others love and affection flow into each other for yet another time. It never once got old.

No one could unfold your love, but he could unfold mine.

The End