You Know Your Rights!

Dreamers They Never Learn

Dreamers
They never learn
They never learn
Beyond, beyond the point
Of no return
Of no returnAnd it's too late
The damage is done
The damage is done - Radiohead

My body felt live it was being revived from the dead. I felt sore all over. It was like I haven't woke up in weeks. And that was exactly the case. I haven't woke up in weeks. I was in a coma for almost a month. My body had shut down after all of those pills. I was essentially in limbo between life and death for a while.

When I finally arose from my pill induced slumber only to be greeted by bright blinding lights and sterile white hospital walls surrounding my person. Along with that many blurring figures encased my own gazing down at me with looks of concern, worry, and more than a twinge of pity. 

Once my vision cleared I was greeted with the grief and concerned etched faces of all my friends and colleagues. All of them looking down towards me. All of them looking at me, all of them were looking for me. A million thoughts were buzzing through their heads at once. 'Will she recover?' and 'Is she too far damaged?' were one of the few questions they all thought of, but it could barely scratch the monolithic concern that seemed to be built up and only began to ooze out of their bodies.

In that moment I realized I had become a like you in a bad way. I turned into a selfish monster. I had abandoned those who we considered our friends, family, and most importantly ourselves. How could I be so inconsiderate, and force our only child to go into an adoption agency? How could I be so cruel and heartless as to leave her all alone when she is only two years old? What kind of fiend would do this to an innocent young babe?! You and I did without a shadow of regret while doing so. She got lucky. For one reason or another the dose I consumed didn't kill me, and for some reason one of the people in this room found me, cared for me, and only wanted me to keep on living for better or for worse.

Nothing stood out to me. It could have been anyone in the room. Icy and Allison were there so it's only obvious they would be worried. Kim was there, Trent was there too (but in all fairness I was a paycheck he had the possibility of losing) , some of our other friends were there too, but at this point it would be odd to say that anyone of them found me and saved me from my own impending doom. Sure, all of them knew where I lived, but hardly any of them came to visit at least frequently. At most it was just occasional visits; just once in a blue moon in all honesty.

The sun began to beat down on my face through the blinders hanging on the hospital window. As I looked upwards towards the person who was hovering over my frail, pale, small figure. I would've expected it to be some doctor, but to my surprise it was the man who I was touring with when it was revealed to me that I had finally been conceived with your child, Kirk. 

The air between everyone was so tense and so thick that a butter knife could slice through it. It wasn't until the doctor in the corner broke the tension by clearing his throat.

"Mrs.Cobain, I'd like to give you reports regarding your body as of now due to your attempted suicide. I'd also like to test your mental health." 

Everyone decided to leave the room, including Kirk just leaving the doctor and I to talk.

For the most part it just revolved around how to tackle my mental illnesses to make it so I wouldn't off myself again. He recommended me to a therapist and then left allowing everyone else to come back in and greet me again hoping I would get well, and whatnot.

I was held in that white walled hospital room for three more days until they allowed me to leave, and Kirk has been present everyday I was in the hospital.

When I was admitted out he was there to pick me up and to bring me to pick up Frances and to drive us back home. In my time of need he was a Godsend. He cared for me and gave me the attention that I've been neglected of. He stayed around me for a while. He would always visit me, and just talk to me about random things, but it was never invasive. He'd never pester me about my relationship with you, the band, or my self-implosion when it came to my mental health a few weeks prior. Of course he'd ask how I was holding up, but he never made me uncomfortable.  

At that very moment whenever we would talk I realized he was giving me something that you haven't been giving me for a long time; love, affection, and hope. All of which I was neglected from. He genuinely cared about me like you once did when we were younger. 

I felt genuinely happy again. I haven't felt that way for a while now. It was just an arduous task to even get up out of bed, but he managed to hinder my self doubt and self destruction. He just liked me for me, and no matter what he would always help me. At that point I didn't care if he would be like you and crush me like an ant under the weight of your thumb. I just wanted companionship, But what can I say? Dreamers, they never learn.

Sure the damage was done, but now I was willing to go to the point beyond no return with him. After all, the damage was already done. What could he do to me that you haven't?

A/N: Wow, another chapter as we draw closer and closer to the end. Sorry, for another bummer of a chapter. Perhaps, the next one will be happy. Anyway thanks for reading and I hoped you enjoyed!