You Know Your Rights!

I Know You'll Be a Star

Yeah
I know someday you'll have a beautiful life
I know you'll be a star
In somebody else's sky
But why
Why
Why can't it be
Why can't it be mine - Pearl Jam

The pain with my lower abdomen would grow only to be worse and worse as the days, weeks, and mouths progressed. It seemed like everything I devoured only came back up within a few hours. As I got bigger and bigger it only seemed to be blatantly obvious that we needed a new house to raise our child. We couldn't stay in our small dingy little apartment for much longer. Our child was on the way, and we couldn't raise it in a broken down place like this. After all, we promised each other that our child would not have to grow up like we did. This decision was practically essential for us since we both grew up in broken dysfunctional home. Sure we were dysfunctional, that much was crystal clear, but I'll be damned if we were to be broken.

When we finally found our house we found it in the isolated parts of Seattle. We could finally be in control of our own little world. Away from the world just surrounded by each other and our love for each other.

I know this is such a cheesy and over-dramatic thing to say, but we were finally far away from overbearing view of the outside world. We had MTV blasting Smells Like Teen Spirit, and praising us like Greek Gods, the news and parents proclaiming me as the antichrist, and both of us were put on the pedestals and given the unrealistic  expectation of being this youth's counter-culture. It was all just a cluster fuck of unwanted and unnecessary attention garnered by a slew of disposable teens and adults alike. However, throughout all of this media and press attention I believe everyone around us, including ourselves, forgot that we were just still just human beings. We weren't immortals, we couldn't cheat death, and we certainly weren't no Gods. We were just regular human beings. You were just a regular everyday Kurdt, and I was just your regular everyday Clar. No Gods, no kings, only men.

When we went into this large house it looked like something out of one of those Disney princess films, or one of those Miyazaki films. It was surrounded by trees deep in the forests away from the industrialized society. It was quite a large house. It was larger than anything we were previously accustomed to, but it was nice all in the same. It was ours now anyway. We did it for a little girl. We just wanted the best for her. I was positive you did anyway.

From the very second I revealed my pregnancy to you you were nothing but supportive and loving, more so than usual. You just wanted the best for your baby girl. Whatever the cost was, you only wanted absolute perfection for her and only strived to ensure her future. I wanted that too, but my effort couldn't even catch the surface of how much you just attempted and succeeded on making sure her birth and early childhood would be filled with nothing but happiness. To you our little bean was a flower that had just began to bloom. To which you handled her with the most delicacy, nurture, and care. This was after all, to you, your second chance at life. It was redemption to you. It was a chance to right all the wrongs you did with the drugs and the cheating. And I can't say that I minded it one bit. But, then again, you were always just that generous.

You wanted Bean to have a beautiful, fruitful, and prosperous life. You didn't want her to be like us, and I couldn't blame you. We were messes, plastered all over the news. You knew that eventually she would grow up to leave us, and have her own life, her own ambitions and dreams, her own husband or wife, and her own child. She was our star in our sky, the apple of our eyes, and the fruit of our loins, most importantly she was our sweet innocent baby. You knew that someday she would be the star in someone else's eye, but as of right now she was still our starry night sky.

Mouths passed on and on as I just grew bigger and bigger while we were preparing our house for her. I remember all of the most spontaneous things we did while together were during by pregnancy phase.

I was married by my 6th month in Hawaii courtesy of your brilliant planning. You were handsome as ever in our not so traditional wedding. I wore an old but still pretty short white dress, while you wore your pajamas on our wedding day. It was strange, but it was uniquely us. Plus, it made consummation night so much easier for the both of us.

By the ninth month I was ready to give birth. A few weeks before we went to the hospital we had visited Frances Farmer's grave. To which you came us with the idea to name our little girl Frances Bean.

By the time I was admitted into the hospital the contractions have just begun. It felt like my uterus was about to rip in half as the doctor's dilated me and as the pushing process began. You held my hand through all my pain as the sounds of my screeching echoed through the hospital walls. 

Finally, all sound seemed to cease and all seemed to be still in the world around us. That was until I heard to wails of our newly birthed child as she just greeted the world around her. The star of our life was just born, and she shown brighter than any other star out there. The tears evident in your eyes only served as proof that she was special newfound life now in our small little world. Our little girl. I knew she'd be a star.

A/N: This was just a whole different slew of topics all compacted into one chapter. Don't worry the next chapter will be more focused.