HephaestusTV (A Percy Jackson Fanfiction)

Season 1 Episode 3 - CSI New Rome

*Remember, none of these are canon and I made them up for entertainment purposes.*

*I have never seen one of those CSI shows so I'm winging it*

Chloe: Special report from HephaestusTV. I'm here with camper and former praetor, Jason Grace, here to investigate an interesting case. We are live at a crime scene where a loved one of Percy Jackson ws brutally murdered. Let's talk to the witnesses.

Percy: He slaughtered my panda! He slaughtered it at camp!

Chloe: So this crime was at Camp Jupiter?

Percy: Yeah! MY PANDA IS DEAD!

Chloe: Who was it? Did you know their name or see their face?

Percy: Octavian!

Chloe: Jason, go find Octavian. Make sure he's disarmed and preferrably tied up.

Jason: [Goes find Octavian]

Chloe: Percy, can you give details on how this panda was murdered?

Percy: He was sliced down the middle and torn in half and his insides were taken out and thrown around the room. This is all I have left of him. [Holds out black fur]

Chloe: Hmm, very interesting. Did Octavian have an accomplice?

Percy: No, but Reyna was with me.

Chloe: Reyna, did Octavian have any history or criminal record prior to this tragedy?

Reyna: He killed a lot of bears, mostly brown and black ones and once he ripped apart my bunny. Also, Jason lost a snake to Octavian.

Chloe: A snake?

Reyna: Yep. It was skinned and shredded in front of our eyes. And my poor bunny was beheaded.

Chloe: So he's an animal killer? Octavian, I mean. Not Jason.

Reyna: He was born that way. Octavian wanted to be praetor. He's a descendant of Apollo and the camp's auger.

Chloe: An auger that kills animals?

Percy: My panda's head was on a ceiling fan. [Cries]

Jason: [Comes back with Octavian] I got him, he was mauling a tiger.

Percy, Chloe and Reyna: [Gasps]

Chloe: So you poach animals and kill them for fun?!?

Octavian: [Growls]

Chloe: [Steps back] Jason, go get our Pandaologist, Frank Zhang. Also get our Deathologist, Nico Di Angelo. I got some questions for Octavian.

Octavian: Get it over with. I was supposed to decapitate a dog an hour ago.

Chloe: It's live, you know that right?

Octavian: I DON'T CARE! I'M AN ANIMAL MURDERER AND I'M PROUD!

Chloe: Are you aware of the pain you caused people? Especially Percy?

Jason: I'm back with Frank and Nico!

Percy: Mr. Zhang, can you examine this fur sample?

Frank: [Looks at it with magnifying glass] Ah, yes. Your panda is the most common breed, but it's also the most attaching.

Percy and Chloe: Huh?

Frank: It's a common Pillow Pet Panda. Their favorite habitats are in warm, comforting places with different creatures. They hardly ever die, so this is beyond my hands.

Nico: That's what I'm here for. Now, to understand Deathology, we must understand the victim and those affected. Now Percy, your panda has followed you in and out of battle, am I correct?

Percy: Yeah, so? [Sniffles]

Nico: See, those can never die, but can be injured. A lot. I suggest you find a Sewingologist and he/she can revive your panda. Do you have enough of the remains?

Percy: Not right here.

Nico: Do you know where they are?

Percy: Arouns Octavian's room.

Jason: Mr. Di Angelo, may I suggest reviving other animals with the panda? It'll save a lot of grief.

Nico: Whatever. I only specialize in Death.

Chloe: So, problem solved?

Jason: Yep! Let's go save some animals!

Percy: YAY!

Jason, Percy and Reyna: [Leaves to find a Sewingologist]

Chloe: So...

Octavian: So...

Chloe: [Puts Octavian in a tree] That's it for this episode! Peace out suckas!

_________

I don't think that's how a CSI show works...

~ C. Gallagher