Breaking The Ice

Washed Away

TJ's POV

The steady beat of my feet against the pavement matched perfectly with the music flowing through my headphones, the familiar burn in my legs pushing me forward as I sprinted through the trail near campus. In a few short weeks I'd most likely be back in the gym for my morning run, since the weather would change and the added risk of ice and slipping would force me back inside. I spent enough time in the gym working out, and being able to run outside had become something I looked forward to.

I'd always loved running. Whatever my mood was, running always helped me focus and clear my mind. It was a different from the escape that hockey offered me, and while I loved hockey more than anything, running was something I did alone. When I was stressed or upset, I could run it away. When I was happy or feeling strong or determined, I could run toward my goals. It was something I'd initially taken up to help me stay in shape so I could play, but in the past few months it became something I did to help me stay sane.

I never could have predicted the ways my life would have changed the second I took the spot on the team that was offered to me. I knew it wasn't something that had ever really been done before, and growing up being a female hockey player I'd had my fair share of run-ins with the ever fragile male ego, but the reaction had been so much more intense than I ever could have prepared for. In a lot of ways, I was used to the comments and having to constantly prove myself, but I had never quite experienced the unrelenting anger that had come along with me being allowed to play in what had previously been a league for men only. You would think it was some huge civil rights issue the way people reacted, and I had never been the kind of person who wanted to be the cause of such a huge conflict.

Of course, growing up with three brothers made me no stranger to conflict, but this whole thing was so different. It was one thing to argue or defend yourself to family, or a random team mate who didn't think you belonged, but sometimes it felt like the whole world had something to say about me, and all I'd done was show up to play. I just wanted to play hockey, and in order to do that I already had to work ten times harder than everyone else to earn my place. Everyone was already watching my every move, waiting for me to make the smallest mistake, just so they could prove they were right and that a woman had no place on the ice.

Everyone knew that women played hockey, and they seemed to be fine with it for the most part, but only if they played against other women. For whatever reason, the second I was deemed good enough to earn a spot on a men's team all of a sudden it was unacceptable. I understood parts of it, that physically men were naturally much bigger than I was, but if I was willing to put myself in a position to be outweighed or smaller than them wasn't that my choice? I just didn't understand why what I was doing was so wrong, I was lacing up my skates and working hard just like anyone else, and I couldn't seem to see why it was such a big deal.

I did my best to just put my head down and focus on what I needed to do, making sure I got good grades and played to the best of my ability, but it wasn't always easy. I could handle it when it was about me, but I constantly felt guilty for the attention and pressure it put on the team, all the drama it had caused and the constant eyes on us just waiting for anyone to do or say anything they shouldn't. It had caused a division, which is the worst thing for a team, and whether they wanted to admit it or not that division wouldn't be there if I wasn't.

I slowed my pace as I left the trail and headed back toward the dorms, luckily early morning wasn't exactly a popular time for my fellow students to be up and walking around, so I was able to avoid the usual stares as I approached my building and headed back up to shower.

I headed down the hall as I pulled my earbuds out of my ears, knowing there was no way the boys would be up yet, before I headed to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge. I chugged it quickly as my heart rate finally slowed back to normal, and I was surprised to hear someone was up when I heard the bathroom door open and turned to see Harry emerge.