Breaking The Ice

Tanner

TJ's POV

I felt the ache in my body before I even opened my eyes, the simple process of breathing feeling more difficult than it ever had been before, and the events of the night before were once again at the forefront of my mind. The stiffness in my muscles, along with the images flashing through my mind, were confirmation that it hadn't just been some nightmare, and the variety of emotions that came along with it rushed through me just as consistently as the pain.

I'd been such a mess when Harry found me, terrified as I clung to him, that I hadn't even really processed what had happened. I knew that I'd been attacked, that they'd assaulted me in one way or another, and that I'd woken up to see Harry's face looking back at me. At the time, I was just so happy he was there that I'd let my emotions take over, even though I wasn't exactly sure what it was I was so upset about. It all seemed to happen so quickly that I couldn't even keep track of what was happening,

I'd been so emotional after it happened, so terrified and frantic that all I could do was cry, but as I laid there I found I had a much different perspective on it than I had the night before. Yes, I was angry that I hadn't been able to defend myself, that I wasn't strong enough to fight them off, that they thought they could prey on me in the first place. But I knew I wasn't the first girl it had ever happened to, and I knew I wouldn't be the last. The knowledge of that alone was enough to fuel my anger more than anything else.

I wasn't ashamed at what they'd done, because I knew that I did everything I could to fight them off. I knew that they used their size and numbers to gain the advantage, and I also knew that it was no reflection on me or how hard I fought. I knew that their actions were not a reflection on me, or anything I had done, I was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. I seemed to have accepted that, and didn't need to keep looking further or driving myself crazy about why it happened. It happened because they knew who I was and wanted to make themselves feel like they had the upper hand, because they're sick, and that was the end of it.

I didn't know when Harry got there. I had no idea if he'd just found me on the ground after they left or walked in on them attacking me, but given the fact that his hands had been cut up and bloody I gathered he'd gotten a piece of at least one of them. I hated that he'd seen me like that, looking so weak and desperate, but at the same time I was so unbelievably thankful that he found me I could barely comprehend it.

Harry was the only person who could have made me feel safe in that moment. In one of the most terrifying moments of my entire life, waking up in a dark alley after being attacked by a bunch of strangers, there he was like some unwavering light in the darkness. I had no idea why he seemed to have a front row seat to every single shitty thing that happened to me since the day I met him, but I was surprised at how much it didn't bother me. I had cried more in front of Harry in the past week than I had in my entire life, and he'd never made me feel weak or judged for it. He'd seen Zayn make an idiot out of me, my mother say she never wanted me, and found me beaten and bloody in an alley, and instead of being ashamed of it I felt comforted. For someone who'd spent their entire life feeling alone, he just always seemed to show up to remind me I wasn't.

He was also the only person that I knew I could trust to keep it a secret. I knew he didn't want to, that he was worried about me and wanted them to pay for what they'd done, but I also knew he wouldn't force me. It wasn't that I didn't know they deserved to pay for it, or that I didn't want them to, it was that they'd already taken so much from me that I refused to let them take anymore. They'd made me feel weak and unsafe, terrified and alone, and I knew that if people found out about it I would have to re-live it every day of my life. The media would eat it up, and it would become the sole focus of every article for the next year instead of focusing on my team or our accomplishments.