Anxiety vs normal

24

Dear day family,
Please let each and everyone of the days read this, including summer. Its me bre. I miss you guys. I'm sorry for not speaking to you after the accident. I regret it. Now is the time for me to let go and give evryone closer. Thats why I am writing you guys this letter. I'm going to tell you the truth about that night and since summer should be 16 by now I want her to know as well.
January 1,2015.
I had asked Sam to go to a after new years party with me and ofcourse he agreed. It was who he was. He partyed and taught me his ways of doing so.
The night had gone by smoothly and it was around 1:50 when I had lost him in the crowd. I couldnt find him nowhere. Soon I went upstairs and caught the sight of him kissing Macy stone. It hurt like hell to see that. Of course we never put lables on anything, but I knew he loved me and he knew I loved him. That's how it had been since id met Sam. Soon he had pushed away from her glaring and looking like he was going to murder her, which he would never do, but his eyes met mine and his features visually softened. 'Can you just take me home' I had managed to ask. All he did was nod and follow me to his car. Sammy didnt drink or smoke. He never do with me, as if knowing id need a safe driver or something and not even drunk me would get into a car with drunk sammy. Once we were on the road he glanced at me then back to the road. All I did was stare at him. 'Im sorry baby, she asked to talk to me then ended up forcing me to kiss her' he had mumbled. I shook my head looking out the window. Sam had hurt me before with other girls but with macy was different. They had a past. He knew I hated her with a burning passion. 'just fucking drive' I had said.
'Babe.. I'm sorry. I didnt do anything dont be mad' Sam mumbled looking at me. 'Mad? Fuck off Samuel. You've done it before. Your a guy you see a girl in a tight short dress and throw youself at them.' I had yelled. Sam took his eyes off the road staring into mine. Instantly I regretted yelling and wanted to forgive him. 'Babe calm down I would never hurt you on purpose. I love you and only you ,you know that. I haven't been with another girl in 3 months.' He said glancing at the road and back to my eyes.
'Im not your fucking baby. I mean why would I care? Its not like we are dating or something' I was still yelling but I realized he hadnt looked at the road through my whole sentence. So I did. 'Sam! Stop!' I yelled grabbing the wheel as he sped through a red light. We got almost hit by a semi. We flipped several times. Barely awake I looked to see Sam closing his eyes so I shook him. 'Dont go to sleep.' I cried. Soon we saw an ambulence and police cars. They rushed to us but Sam looked at me with wide eyed. 'Babe this is my racing car there's nitrogen.' He said softly giving me a small smile. I didnt have time to reply as police men rushed to my side trying to get us out. I saw him put his hands on the officer helping him and shook his head. 'get my pretty girl far away from here.' The police man noded dragging me out. They put me on the stretcher as I watched them run to Sam. It all happened so fast one minute he was smiling at me the next the car was inflames and I couldn't see his big blue eyes anymore. I cried and yelled but the lady put a needle in my arm making me pass out. When I woke up all of you were in the hospital room asking me questions. Telling me my first love had died in that accident.
I'm sorry.
It's all my fault. I lost him. I made you loose him. If only I had just listened to him when he said he did nothing wrong. I just wanted to tell you guys how sorry I am and the truth of how it was all my fault. I hope you guys can forgive me. I'm at kaidens. My mom sent me away. You guys remember how much of a witch she was? Well its worse. I'm glad I'm here. Alex talked me into giving Sam peace. Into giving you guys closer. Into giving my self closer.
I hope you all are okay. I miss everyone ecspecially little sum. I hope to see you all one day. There is this guy that reminds me of Sam so much. His name is Joey I think they could have been besties. Hes Alex's best friend. You know that cliche bad boy sam was? Yeah thats how he is. Except he has these big green eyes with tint of brown in the middle. Hes kinda complicated like Sam. One minute hes nice and making innuendo jokes and the next hes all mysterious and trying to find out my secrets. He doesn't know about Sam nobody but my family and everyone back home does. I cant bring myself to tell them what me and him had. What my first love was like. I met twins to. You remember how we would always say how we wished we had twins ,summer? Yeah. They are girl and boy. Max and Selena. Selena is how I used to be. The shy girl in the back who sometimes decided to come out of her shell but went hiding again. I think alex likes her. He started defending her like it did when the cliche queen bee tried bullying her. I almost broke the girls nose but Alex held me back. Max is the soccer captain. Sweet and adorable. They are both really blonde with greenish eyes. Then there's Josiah. We arent really close but he's funny. Mikeys back. He tried talking to me but I went off on him like Sam always told me I should have done. Now we dont speak just share looks every now and then. I made an all boys soccer team. I help my uncle at his gym. I still beat everyone. I wrote a song. Its called pretty girl. You know how Sam called me that. It has words he said to me to make me feel better. I miss you guys thank you for being like a real family to me. Maybe someday soon we could catch up? That is if you forgive me. Summer, ive seen pictures of you. You look just like Sam. Your just as cute and adorable as always. I think if you met max youd like him. Maybe one day I'll introduce you to. Sam would approve of him. Your dad would to. Do me a favor? Keep your head up and make your big blue eyes glow like he did.
Mom, ash has told me that you have started the bakery you've always wanted. She says it's called 'sams goods' that's good. Id love to eat there sometime. I miss your cookies and cake. Especially the cookie cake youd always make for my birthday.  I miss that. Amy wishes she could cook like you. She always says it. I still remeber you teaching me and Sam to make fudge. Who knew Mr.bad boy was such a mamas boy. That was the second time he brought me home. I miss you. I miss having a mom figure. Amys here now trying her best. Its not the same. Do me a favor? Never Stop cooking.
Dad, I miss you.
I miss our little football talks and cheering on the soccer games whole arguing over which baseball team was the best. I have to hand it to you the cubs did good this season. They finally beat the red socks. *sighs* I thought we had it again this year. Hows coaching going? I hope the team is doing good and acting right for you. I mean I was always there to whip them in shape for you. Especially hayes when he back talked. Smack him next time. I miss you.Do me a favor? Never give up on coaching soon you'll be a college coach.
 

Again I am sorry. I miss you guys. I love you guys. You dont have to reply just know I do love y'all and im sorry.
Sincerely,
The girl who loved your son.