Anxiety vs normal

23

Dear sammy,
Today is the day. I need to let you go. I miss you so much, but Alex says its time to let you rest in peace. You two never liked each other but got along for me. Hes right. I need to let you be. I'm writing this letter to you as well as I will write one to you family. I need closer. I shouldnt have left you that day. Its all my fault. I always brought you danger. Like You once said I'm dangerous. Thank you for making me who I am today. Thank you for showing me the way. Thanks for saving me that day even though it should have been me. I love you with all my heart. Your my first love. Your my moment. Your my memories. Thank you for being you. I need you to be in a peaceful place. I'll never forget you ever. The accident was all my fault. I pulled you out of that house at two am. I was yelling. I grabbed the wheel. You made them save me first. It should have been you they saved. I shluld have died. It was all my fault. Mikeys back. He hasnt tried anything but talking to me a couple times. Hes changed. You know the cliche bad boy that you once were? I met one. His name is Joey. He reminds me of You. Like how the first time we met you tried figuring out why I was so broken. Yeah he's trying. I got drunk and mentioned you to him. He was pressuring me into telling him about you. Sammy I ran from him. Like I always did when you upset me. I know I told you id stop running from my problems but I can't. The boy, Joey, makes me feel the way you did. But id never admit that to him. I'm still the stubborn girl who wouldnt admit how she felt. When hes around my heart speeds up and sometimes even skips a beat. When he touches me my skin feels like fire, the way it felt with you. I cant help but feel like I'm betraying you because of it. I dont want to betray you but this feeling wont go away with him. I'm trying not to act on it Sam. I really am.  I need to apologize for making your family loose you. Its been two years and theyve stopped trying to reach me after I changed my number. I couldnt bear to speak to them but sammy I have to tell them why you were out that night. I have to tell them because the day I woke up I couldn't. I was too shocked and wouldnt speak to them. I went to your funeral but stayed in the back. I left right after you went in the ground. I'm trying to give everyone including myself closer but it hurts. I miss your singing voice. You rember? You used to sing to me when I felt sad. When peoples hate got to me. When You hurt me. Even then you were there apologizing and singing to me. I could never stay mad at you no matter what you did. Those big blue eyes just made me give in. I miss those eyes and how they twinkled everytime you looked at me. Thats how i knew You loved me. Ive loved You since the day I stepped into that school and my eyes landed on the big blue eyed bad boy I was told not to talk to. But of course I'm stubborn and dont listen to anyone so I sat next to you in science class. You would make me laugh by making fun of Mr.davis. I loved your laugh. The way your eyes would become lighter and your skin would crinkle right next to them.I loved how your mouth always had a smirk unless you were mad. When you got mad at me your eyes would darken and I felt intimidated but you never hurt me. Yea of course you would yell but never hurt me. I'm sorry. I never wanted to loose you. I thought I could be selfish for once and everything would go fine but like you said danger follows me everywhere I go. I never thought danger could take my best friend and my first love away from me. I'm gonna let you go now. I'm going to let you rest in peace. Never forget me, love.
Sincerely,
Your pretty girl